Things I love

So I'm not always a mean cynical mom.  Here are a few thing that make me say, "see, it's all worth it."

• How we just had dinner and it was loud, crazy and remarkably uneventful.
• The fact that Gracie says "Ahhh" every time she take a draw off her sippy cup.
• Walking by the upstairs landing and getting a glance at the sand dollar I keep there.
• That tomorrow's Monday.
• That my husband has been picking up the slack because I feel like a truck has run me over.  And over.
• How we just had our first thunderstorm of the season.
• That at this moment my kids are happy and just plain themselves.
• Wishing I could bottle this moment and hold onto it as it's all so fragile.
• That a good night's sleep is all I need to forget yesterday and start all over again today.

Hell hast a name--my house...

Bad, bad, bad language rant.

I give up.  I've been trying to get a few seconds of computer time and every time I'm interrupted.  Seriously??  No wonder all my posts are crap.  I can't even get a word in edgewise without the whole fucking clan descending upon me. 

It's not like we live in a sardine can for Christ's sake.  We have three fucking levels.  And true to form every time they hear me pounding on the keyboard they descend on me like vultures on a carcass.  So, I've decided fuck it.  I'm going to write about them as they all stand behind me.  So here I bang away and the whole lot of them are all futzing behind me. 

Seriously, shut up.  SHUT UP.  Why do yo insist on talking to me right now??  Can't you see my back is turned to you and I've not even turned around once.  And yet you still continue to jabber to my back.  Contrary to popular belief, the eyes in the back of my head do not work.  I swear, what in the hell am I spending all this money for social skills classes??  No one in my house can even read my body language which is clearly saying leave me the fuck alone!

Oh my God.  I don't care about your jogging route, what the weather is doing, and for the love of Christ, NO YOU MAY NOT HOT-SINC YOUR I-TOUCH RIGHT NOW.  (Don't let the fact that I don't know how to spell sinc get int he way of this rant, dam you spell checker.)

Frick, frick, frick. NO, I do not want to watch Martin sing Hello.  Crap.  Boy wonder has found (and downloaded) the video to Hello.  That seals it, I'm in hell and it's only 9:30---AM.

ARRRRGGG

Update Friday

Here are a few things that didn't make it into full post status but have been rolling around in my brain giving me the giggles.  Anyway, for the faint of heart there is foul language.  You've been warned, now go ahead and read anyway.

• I went for a jog simply because my husband said I shouldn't.  It was too windy he said.  He was right, it was windy.  And cold. 
• At Alex's Valentine's party a mom mentions to the kids something about mice, mind you I have no idea where this topic came from, and a kid shouts out, "you can find some in my basement."  Nice. 
• My new BFF's at Cigna decided speech therapy was no longer medically necessary.  A moment of silence while I skin each one of the fucking bastards who made that decision.  I'm sure they were qualified medical professionals who poured over his file and agonized over the decision.  Douche-nozzles.
• Wait, I'm still skinning the bastards. 
• OK, I'm better.
• No, I'm not.  Fucking douche-nozzles. 
• I filled the washing machine up, didn't run it, and left a pile of my clothes on the floor in front of the washer so when Red Robe came back she'd have to do my dirty laundry first.
• My daughter decided to crawl like a cat in front of school when we picked up Alex.  She meowed and purred as an added bonus.  Lucky me.
• We had a taste of spring and I'm beyond thrilled.
• And since I started writing we've been put under a winter storm warning.
• I take back being thrilled.



Ice on one of our trees out front.

Confusion...

I am thoroughly confused right now.  Alex is going through a rough patch and I'm clueless as to what's going on.  He doesn't articulate when he's upset or when he's not feeling well so I'm truly limited by my lack of understanding.  It's such a sick helpless feeling to not understand your own child.  

There have been several changes in his life right now and any one of these can be the impetus for a bad couple of days.  But even then, I don't think they're enough to set him back to this extent.  I'm struggling as to why he's reverting back to his some of his old behaviors.  I know he's self stimming and I know he's trying to self calm and regulate but I don't understand why its happening now, with such intensity. 

He's been complaining of his stomach hurting on school mornings and at first I subscribed it to the fact that I freaked out when the kids started puking at school.  I harped on him about washing his hands and I thought he just picked up on my anxiety.

Then he started chewing on his shirts again.  I about died when he came home with his shirt chewed through.

Now he's making gasping noises, coughing and clearing his throat.  A lot.  Like, all the time.

He's been spitting, not on people, but blowing raspberries any time he disagrees with someone.  Kinda like a F-you, Alex style.

He's been getting upset at the drop of a hat and he stomps around the house and he's started hitting himself.

He's chewing and pulling on his bottom lip and flicking people if they get too close.  He's even gone back to standing at the table as he can't, just can't, seem to sit still.

I've been in contact with his teachers at school and they've noticed his behaviors as well.  I'm fortunate that this year I have a teacher who truly understands Alex and gets that he's a beautiful little boy. 

But I'm still left with that lingering feeling that somethings not right and all these things combined has me worried.  I don't know what is going on and I don't know what he's going through.  It is time like these that I would give anything, yes anything, to get into his mind and sort out all the worry and angst.  To calm him, settle his mind, make things right.

I hate this feeling, the utter helplessness of being Alex's mom.

I love you to bits little man...

What, you don't consider this a real job???

I'm totally going to trash talk my sister.  I can do that.  She's pissed me off and now I'm going to call her on it, blog style.  I'll let all you in on a little secret---no one in my family knows I've got this little gig here so I can blast her and they'll be none the wiser. 

See, it's a perfect situation...

Here's the deal: I'm at home with kids and she like, has a real job, so if you do the math, I'm obviously at home doing nothing all day.

She doesn't have any kids, by choice.  I mean, they could have kids but they don't.  I think she saw what happened to me and she was like, "No fucking way do I want a piece of that action."

Humph.

So let me back track to last night.  They came over for about twenty minutes.  At bed time.  They should know better but they don't.  Remember, no kids?  Right??

Right. 

And in that twenty minutes she ran around stirring stuff up, saying BOO to Gracie and basically scaring the shit out her.  She came up to me while I was watching one of the Barbie movies with Lizzy and mentioned something about appliances to which I mumbled, "Sure, whatever." 

See, it's not like I'm a fan of the Barbie movies, I generally think they suck and make me throw up in my mouth a little bit, but hey, my daughter loves them so I watch them.  They do a pretty good job of getting the message across that girls can do anything and I'm down with that.

So there we were watching Barbie as a Musketeer and I was like whatever and didn't really hear what my sister was saying. 

Flash forward to today, when I get a call from her asking me to go over to her house to let the appliance people in.  I was a tish confused, more like WTF are you talking about?  But I digress. 

Apparently in our little two second chat I agreed to let the appliance guys in her house.  "I can't possibly come home and let them in, I'm at work", she says.  I have meetings all day.  All you have to do is pop over and let them in....

Sure, I can do that.

IT'S NOT LIKE I HAVE A JOB OR ANYTHING. 

Not like I'm trying to raise three kids or anything like that.  Noooo, let me just pop right on over and help you out.  Load them all in the car, get the baby up from her nap, get the other two out of pajama's.  Sure, I'm good like that. 

Clearly I'm at home and that, by default, means I'm not working. Which means I do nothing all day.  Just waiting on someone to call and give me something to do...

Which means I have the free time to dig up a picture like this:

And this....

And that is how I get a giggle at my house.  Laugh with me people!