Monday, February 11, 2013

And then I thought I died.

I got all excited and happy that I was back and then, like all things, fate slapped me around a bit and showed me who's boss.  I'll give you a clue, it's not me.  Gracie came down with the stomach bug.  Now for those of you who have stuck with me for a while, you know how much I absolutely detest puke.  How much it makes me nervous, spin out of control and generally go insane.  And you also know how that is inversely proportional to how much my kids do, in fact, puke.

They puke all the fucking time.

Gracie was so sick, I had to have my neighbor pick up some meds for her to stop hurling, I couldn't get her to the corner Walgreen's without hurling.

It was either that or we were trudging down to the Emergency Department to get an IV.  For seven hours, we'd been sitting next to each other with a bucket so she could spew.  Seven long, horrible, frigging hours.  In that time frame she nailed me in the face and at that point I knew it was over.  My only thought was, "Innoculation complete."

I Cloroxed my face, mouth, neck and even my tongue for good measure.

And she got better.  A day went by and no one got sick.  I didn't get sick.

I was happy, I thought I had beaten it.  And I got cocky.  I was all, "Suck on that norovirus!  You were on my face and I beat you.  I win!  I'm a God."

Only I wasn't.  

I got sick.

One minute I was fine and the next, well, I wasn't.

And for the love of all things good and holy, I wished I was dead.  I have no earthly clue what that child brought into this house but I was sick.  Like, I was sicker than sick.  I threw out my back puking.  I stopped counting the number of times I barfed at sixty one.  My jaw popped out of socket and at no point did I think, "You know what, one day this will be funny and we are going to sit back and laugh and laugh and laugh."

Bait and switch.  Look at the pretty ocean while I talk about puke. 

And I'll just fast forward through all the gruesome details because they were flat out disgusting.  Now I'm up and amongst the living wondering where in the hell two good days went and what in the hell happened to my house.  It was like our toy closet blew up and all the kids were sitting in the middle of it having the times of their lives.  My husband and I clearly have two different views on how to keep the house.

And then I after another day I though I was in the clear.  No one was sick.  I got all cocky.  I thought, "I'm bad ass, I cleaned that norovirus out of this house.  I'm a cleaning God."

But I was wrong, I was so very wrong.

My husband got sick.

Then Alex got sick.

And now I must go and admit my defeat.


As an update, we now have the flu, or a cold that is suspiciously like the flu, in our house.  Alex is home from school telling me all about Minecraft.  Awesome.  

I'm trying to get back to everyone's blog but I'm having a really hard time.  Some of the word verification combinations are killing me!  I know spam is an issue but I can't seem to get past some of them and for that I'm sorry.   

34 comments:

  1. Oh, man. I get this. I was getting all smug because we made it to freakin' end of January with no major illness...and I, too, got smacked hard by karma. Ugh. Sending well wishes and Lysol your way....

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    1. Yeah, I think I was too smug and got smacked down....

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  2. I hate puke. I seriously hate when kids don't realize the bucket is RIGHT THERE and instead manage to puke down your shirt, in your hair and Heaven help you on your couch. Then the couch smells forever and you want to burn it. Thanks for the picture of the beach. I would rather think of that!

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    1. YES!!! And they missed the bucket more times than not! We lucked out and the couch is leather but lets just say I'm never sitting in a certain spot again.

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  3. I'm so glad we got to die together last week. I got the added pleasure of an IV! Awesome.

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    1. I totally forgot, I did get an IV!!! See? I was totally delirious. I'm glad you're feeling better too.

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  4. Oh bad luck. Puking is the worst. Having the flu comes a close second. Hope you all recover quick quick.

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  5. I'm so sorry that you had all the puke, but thank you for making it so entertaining :) I shall now go and scrub my screen with bleach.

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    1. Just for you Bec, just for you.
      *passes the bleach wipes*

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  6. I hope you get better soon because i hate it when I'm sick. Lucky for us when jacob gets sick, he really becomes independent to the point where he won't even talk to us. And I too have problems with those spam filters. How much spam can someone get?

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    1. I wish my kids would be independently sick. I know people can get a metric ton of spam--I just can't crack the Capita (or however you spell it) code thing. Sigh.

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  7. UGH! I'm with ^Bec^...so, so sorry but I did chuckle a bit...ok...more than a bit. I am also thankful that I live thousands of miles from your house. :)

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    1. I know, right? Don't you just feel contaminated reading this??? I'm going to get more soap now....

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  8. I'm wishing all you guys a speedy recovery and a germ free home! I had a cold a month ago but I'm still coughing! Ugg! I puked saturday too but I think that was from the tequila. When will I learn my lesson. No margaritsa on an empty stomach after doing 2 or more hours of cardio. Liver sucks that stuff right up. Puking sux!

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    1. Gahahaha, I wish my liver could handle margaritas on an empty stomach....

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  9. It is so good to read a blog from you again Lizbeth...even if it is about puke!! I was only wondering about you today intending to email or message you. I do hope all will be well in your house soon.
    Due to ridiculous amount of spam I had to give in and join the captcha brigade. I hate it but I hate spam more!

    Take care.

    xx Jazzy

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    1. See?? I love how our minds work---I was totally thinking of you too. And I do know the amount of spam that is out there, I totally understand. I just wish I could get that number/word combination on the first go-round.

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  10. All I can offer you at this point is my fifteen year old son's ear if Alex would like to talk to him about Minecraft. I mean, I can offer you my bestest get well wishes too, but thought the other offer might actually help! PUKE BE GONE!!! GERMS VACATE!!

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  11. 'I threw out my back puking.'

    You really know how to have a fun time don't you?

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  12. It's how you write it, I can't help it....you just make me giggle. I'm sorry about all the puking, I hate the smell of vomit. I'd rather clean the shitty kitty litter than do human sick....blah...gag!
    I can cope with my own kids but when Mr Locoman gets sick he's on his own....LOL
    Love you, you know I do. xxx (((hugs))) xxx

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  13. argh! Word verification! I freaking hate it so hard.

    But what's more important is that I'm sorry you and your poor family got the puke bug!!!!

    And by the way, long time no see Lizbeth! Hope you've been well.

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  14. ugh... I heard about that noro virus like some deep dark horror...hope you are all better now.

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  15. I knew my comment had disappeared!! I think karma got my prior comment because I too, thought I had escaped this ugly stomach thing. I did not. And in my experience, which is still underway, the adult version is much worse than the child's... Evil, evil stomach bug! So sorry you had an IV! :)

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  16. Stomach viruses are my least favorite. Mini was hospitalized with norovius + impaction last year in February, and I caught it after being repeatedly puked on. I got so sick that the hospital basically kicked us out (Mini was mostly better but could have stayed longer), which I thought was a little ironic. (It was the Children's hospital, so they couldn't treat me!)

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  17. Sorry Lizbeth.

    Also...this reminds me of the commercial where the dentist is working on the guy who has his mouth braced open with some dental spreader thingy...and the dentist sneezes in his mouth. i laugh really hard.

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  18. Norovirus sucks. It kicked my ass a few weeks ago too. I don't know how the rest of the house was spared. But if they had all gotten it too... i don't even have the words. Glad you are among the living again!

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  19. Yuk and yuk and more yuk, I am very lucky that puke rarely happens in this house, and so sorry it keeps happening to you :(

    (still wondering why I read this over dinner tho')

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  20. I also nominated you for the Versatile Blogger Award! http://mindfulmeerkats.blogspot.com/2013/02/versatile-blogger-award.html :)

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  21. I'm so sorry Lizbeth. My husband got that stomach flu and he was in quarantine so fast his head spun. We made it through without him passing it on to me or the Little Miss, but that cold-like flu? That one really took Little Miss for the run.

    I hope you all are finally on the mend. I miss seeing you around!

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  22. Yeah. I can handle poop, blood, pee, and snot, but puke? Oh HELLLLL no. I'm so sorry you've had the sickies. Hope everyone gets well soon!

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  23. The latest strain of norovirus is a monster, I heard, and I can't even stand to think about what you endured. Your kids are going to have the strongest immune systems on the planet. I hope all of you are better soon!

    P.S. I turned off my verification because it got downright annoying.

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  24. So, so, so very sorry! I am phobic over vomiting and I get so nervous this time of year about the kids catching it. Special ed classrooms are just not a good place for germ control! All I can say is I am SO THANKFUL for Zofran. So far it has helped me out of some very bad situations. Okay...off to Clorox everything in our house...

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Comments make me all squishy but remember to be nice. If you're not nice then what you said goes *poof.* There's your warning.