Invasion of Science City---complete.

So after sitting around all day Thursday bemoaning the fact there was not school, no schedule and Oh My God mom just made us put down our i-Touches so we could eat breakfast and we almost died, I was thinking we would just sit around and recover all day Friday.

Not so.

My mom got a hair up her ass and decided to take the kids to Science City.  I was quite happy to sit around and recover all day Friday but noooo, that was not part of the plan.  I had to go too.

Since it was her idea to go, she drove.  Mistake number one.

After almost getting killed on the ride down there because Oh My God there is a truck next to me and Lizbeth's Mom doesn't like driving near trucks so she decides to floor it and damn near run us off the road but hey, we made it and since Lizbeth's Mom has a navigation system and because we have a navigation system it is synonymous for letting your brain leave the building and it says to turn but she can't turn and therefor she's going to STOP in the middle of the highway/road/intersection and wait patiently while it uploads our current position and we ALMOST DIE AGAIN but hey, we didn't die and my mom didn't hit the truck and no one killed us so in the end it was all good.

After a slight battle with having to rationalize to an eight, six and two year old that we all have to wear stupid arm bands and yes they are itchy, scratchy and will be pulled off as soon as we get away from the crotchety old volunteer, we all went in and Alex saw this:

Sweet Baby Jesus a Rocket Launcher.

In my delusion, I thought all of Kansas City had started their Spring Break...they did not.  I counted no less than twenty-two school buses parked off in the side parking lot.  To say it was crowded was an understatement.

And since most of the kids were in high school I had to have a quick sex-ed lesson with my own kids as to why so many of them were 'hugging' in the hallway by the restrooms and the kid cave.  Thank you teens of KC.  I really wanted to have that talk at the Science Center on Friday.

Sweet Mother of Pearl, GEARS.  And
"Get the baby away before I hit her mom!!!"

I threw in the towel when we found the water-current-table-thing.

We strategically did this last because I knew when we hit it we were not going to leave it.

Like a game of survivor we outplayed, outwitted and outlasted just about everybody in the joint to work this damn table.  My kids formed their own tribal council of three and for the first time in their lives they collectively worked together to eliminate new kids coming to the table.   I was proud and scared all at the same time.

It was like Vegas craps table.  My kids owned it and damn near charged admission.

Working on currents....

Plotting domination...

Minion elimination in progress.

Total table domination complete.

For as long as I live I don't think I will ever get four pictures to line up like that ever again. 

And then we all went home and we didn't die on the drive back.  

To calm my nerves I made this cake and ate about half of it before dinner.

Yeah, that sooo came out of a box.

I don't remember what happened after that.  The rest of Friday has been erased from my memory.  That's probably a good thing.  

Even porn sites have QR codes. Who knew???

So remember how I mentioned that Alex likes to scan bar codes for fun?  Well it's morphed into something better.  We're now scanning QR codes.  Yeah, I didn't know what one was either.  After I asked Alex I still had no idea so I Googled it.  And then I had Alex explain it to me again.  And again.  And then I gave up went to bed and tried again in the morning.

After several cups of coffee, I found out all about QR codes.  A Quick Response code is a type of bar code.  Go to Wikipedia and read all about it here.

Here's what one looks like.  As a homage to my son, I made one and have it on my sidebar over there.  You get the RedLaser App and then take your i-phone and scan the QR code.  Both of these QR codes are a direct link to my blog so it takes you right there.  Cool, eh?  Now you can read me anywhere.

RedLaser, I should be getting paid for this.  

No reading me in the toilet.  The crapper's off limits.  I strictly forbid it.

So basically my kid's now scanning updated bar codes for fun.

He downloaded the RedLaser App for having a good OT visit.  Yes, I bribe my child.  I'm good like that.  We have a system.  He has a good session and he gets to download a free App.  Bad session, no App.

This was from Sunday's paper, Walmart ad.

Then we had the Thanksgiving holiday and a little time went by and Alex sent a QR code to my phone.  It was to Kink.com.  Now, I very intentionally DID NOT link that site because there is one teensey-tiny little problem with Kink.com.

Kink is a man-on-man porn site.

My kid sent me porn.  After I gasped and, lets be real here folks--looked at a few, I put on my mom panties and asked him what in the hell he'd just sent me.

"Uncle Jim sent me the link to go to Kinko's.  He wanted me to find out how much a ream of paper costs."

"So, um, did you find out how much a ream of paper costs?"

"What?"

"Eyes.  Alex, I need your eyeballs up here on my face when I'm talking.  Good.  Did you find out how much a ream of paper costs?"

"No.  I sent it to you so you could look it up.  I'm too busy, I'm looking up some new Apps."

A private moment here to thank the Sweet Baby Jesus for my small fortune that my son did not get eye-raped by viewing man-on-man porn.

"So, while we're talking about QR codes here, who else did you send that to?

"Dad's whole family."

A private moment to take back all my thanks to the Baby Jesus.

My kid sent my husband's family porn.  Hardcore, man on man, porn.

Are you crapping your pants now?  Cuz I was.

Suffice it to say we've had "the talk" about what can be sent, and what can not be sent, via the i-Touch.  Bottom line, in our house we now check everything he sends out and he checks his e-mail with either my husband or myself.  And we have parental locked his i-Touch so his on-line experience is limited at best.

And my husband made the call to his brother to ask what on God's green earth he had sent our to son.  Turns out he missed a letter in the web address and it all went horribly wrong from there.

And that is the true story of one thing that happened over the past few weeks before I threw the damn thing on the floor and broke it.  And even though this originated from Uncle Jim, I'm the one in the family who looks like the dirty girl who can't keep the kids off porn.

Good thing I'm writing this down for prosperity's sake.  Someday I'm going to look back on this and laugh.

I'm not laughing yet.

Still not laughing.

Yeah, still not laughing.


I'm over at SPD Blogger Network today talking about Alex's classroom desk.  Go, go, go!

Wiggle, wiggle wiggle, yeah.

I have so much to say and well, sometimes, life and rules about what I can and can't say just get in the way.  I'm not going to talk about Autism today.  I will give you what has been giving me a giggle when I need a break.

So I give you this.  A video from LMFAO.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wyx6JDQCslE

Now this is not for the kids or the faint of heart.  Click that Next Blog button up there and come back later.  But for the rest of you, I'll just say Speedo's, pelvic thrusts and wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, yeah.

Your welcome.

And thank you LMFAO for helping me survive the Holiday.

No go and crucify me in the comments for my music selection.
  

The Witty and the Wise

So there is this really hot book out on Amazon called: Wit and Wisdom from the Parents of Special Needs Kids: Mostly True Stories of Life on the Spectrum.  Seeing how I am neither witty or wise I am still quite surprised that I am in it.  Shocked even.  Maybe it's the mostly true part...I don't know.

Anyway, this is my shameless plug.  Go on, go clickety-click on that book right up there, or over there on the right, and see what I have to say.

I'll wait.

All done???

Good.

You'll love it.  I know you will.

Now can you please tell me what I said?

See, I passed along my brain-to-keyboard-mostly-true post a while ago and now I totally forget what I wrote.  I mean really, it hasn't been that long, but since I live in dog years it feels like it was ancient history. That, and I forget where I put my cell phone every day so I obviously can't be expected to remember what came out of my brain years ago now can I?

No, in all seriousness, I am honored beyond belief that Lynn asked me to be a part of this endeavor.  And that she actually considered what I wrote good enough to be among the best out here?  I'm humbled.  Truly humbled.

Clearly bribing her with copious amount of alcohol before she sent it to the publisher worked.

See, even now its impossible for me to be serious.  Lord, what's wrong with me?

And yes, you may go ahead and answer that question in comment section.

Because that's the kind of friend I am.  I'm good like that.