Monday, April 8, 2013

Nothing to see here, please keep moving...

Did you have a good Easter?  I bet yours was better than ours.  Matter of fact, I would place a sizable amount of money you had a better Easter than we did.

It all started after the kids went to bed and I had to grab the Easter baskets and candy.  The baskets were no problem.  I had them up in my closet so I didn't have to have what happened last year---which was not find a basket, throw a fit and run to Target at frigging midnight, only to find the offending basket full of Barbies in Lizzy's room the very next morning while we were looking for the new Easter basket.  Ironic, no???

This year I thought I had everything where it was supposed to be and it was going to be easy.  Throw the candy in the baskets, hide the baskets and chuck a few plastic eggs around the house and I'd be in bed by 11:00, tops.

Yeah, no.

I couldn't find the candy.  I hid the candy too well and I couldn't find it.  I hid the candy from myself.

You should have heard the language.  I vowed I wasn't going to run up to Target again this year.  I VOWED.  I searched from one end of the house to the other.  Cussing the whole time, "Where in the fuck did I put that candy?  God damn it, how can I be so fucking stupid to hide the candy from myself?  I am a full- fledged, card carrying member of the Idiot Society.  I hid the candy from myself.  HOW DOES THAT HAPPEN?!?"

I was not going to Target.  I was not.  I looked in cabinets, the pantry, the car, my closet, the bathroom, the laundry room and even in the laundry bins.  Nothing, no candy.

I gave up, I used Valentine's Day candy instead.

By the time I had stopped sobbing, cursing and the getting baskets together, I threw plastic eggs out around the house and I went to bed.  Not before I called my husband and told him, "FIX THIS."

It was 1:45 AM.  

The kids were up at 5:45 AM.

They hunted for their baskets, found eggs and life was good.  And then I heard Lizzy scream, "Mom!!!!  The Easter Bunny gave me Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, I hate Reese's Peanut Butter Cups!!!"  Then the crying started and didn't stop.

And from another corner of the house I heard Alex wail, "Mom, the Easter Bunny gave me chocolate lambs!!!  I hate chocolate lambs!!!"  The basket got chucked in a corner and he went running and sobbing in the opposite direction.

Meanwhile, Gracie was sitting at the kitchen table eating everything in her basket, happy as a clam.  The other two were freaking out.

The Easter Bunny, in her sleep deprived state, mixed up the baskets so my husband, after he went to Target, put the wrong candy in the wrong basket.

I screamed at them, "You guys, just switch baskets.  You can do that, right?"  Neither one of them heard me over their own wails.  All I kept thinking was, "Sue me, I got your baskets wrong.  There are starving kids in China who would LOVE to have your chocolate!"  Deep down, I felt horrible.

I gave up, went to the kitchen and thought I'd get an early start on the dinner.

And I promptly dropped the ham on my foot.  The brown sugar glaze packet broke the impact and in the process exploded all over the refrigerator, floor and my foot.  I cursed the ham to hell and decided to work on the deviled eggs.  And I couldn't get that thin layer, you know that membrane thing?  I couldn't get it off the egg.  I broke two eggs right off the bat and on the third one, I melted down, smashed them all in the sink, turned the disposer on and sent them on their merry way.

(And, yes, I soaked those damn eggs in cold water.  I even did a trial run so this wouldn't happen and it still happened so don't tell me to soak them in cold water, I got that memo.  God, that still pisses me off.)

At that point I gave up.

I took the kids to Wendy's and we had chicken nuggets and french fries for Easter.  I put all the candy into one big basket and let them play Minecraft till their hearts content.  I collapsed on the sofa and flipped back and forth between HGTV and DIY and after that we decapitated the lamb and ate it.

And that was our Easter.  I was sad, angry and upset that I couldn't pull it off.

I was getting ready to call the kids up for bed and I heard Alex say, "This was the best Easter ever!"

And just like that, all was right with my world....but I'm still pissed at those damn eggs.


  1. Aw, I'm so sorry it was not what you envisioned. ((((you))))

    Also, the cold water trick with the eggs? A LIE. I peel mine while they are still slightly warm and then put them in the fridge until I'm ready to cut them up. I might have just jinxed myself, but I've never had trouble. *knocks wood, tosses salt over shoulder*

  2. Clearly perfection is overrated. I'm sorry you felt like it was a disaster..Lord knows I have had plenty of holidays that went south.

    Please tell me the lamb cake was made from red velvet cake?! ::stab stab stab::

  3. My Easter wasn't good either. I had a meltdown due to somthing my oldest son (also with autism) and I almost spend my sunday in my bed. I should thank to my husband for making get out of bed...

  4. Oh. This one is making me cry, yet cheer for you at the same time. The lamb looks fabulous, but dare I ask if the candy has dared to come out of hiding yet?

  5. Sounds like you fixed the day just perfectly in the end. Wendy's is the best for celebrations I'd say :)

  6. I swear, some years are like that. I've come to think they keep my properly appreciative of the times when things go better.

    And I am so glad I'm not the only midnight cusser, hunting for things too well-hidden.

  7. Oh my, you win.
    I swore no one could have it worse than we did but nope, I was wrong. I'm sorry you win. :-(

  8. As I read I was thinking this will be the most memorable Easter ever and then Alex said what I was thinking.

  9. Wow! What an Easter you had! I sometimes have trouble with the eggs too especially if I let them sit to long in cold water. It's a fine balance with those things. Not too cold, not too hot. My family scarfs those things down!

  10. I tried to hard boil the eggs and didn't boil them long enough, or let them sit long enough, or whatever, because they were definitely NOT hard boiled. It didn't matter as B doesn't even like eggs, so I used them anyway and allowed the Easter Bunny to "come back and get his eggs" after Easter.

    Glad I was not the only one not to have a perfect Easter. In fact, I went to the grocery store in the afternoon as a way to get some breathing room.

  11. Ha ha ha......we had hot dogs (with Chili for those who wanted it) and ice cream sundaes with all of the fixings for Easter dinner. We actually planned it that way.....that's what happens when you ask your kids what THEY want for Easter dinner! It was just easier honestly.

  12. Also, I don't know about where you live but here they have egglands best eggs that are hardboiled and already peeled in a pouch. Cheating I know, but less aggravation!

  13. Can you say perfectionist? Geez, you'd think you were competing with June Cleaver! ;)

    Let me see, Wendy's or a ham... I'm always gonna go with the Frosty! And a decapitated lamb too? Girl, you are sitting on the wrong side of the fence cuz the grass is definitely greener where you are... Come on over and try the ham I cook - you'll see.

  14. Do people even MAKE deviled eggs anymore? I mean, besides my mom?

    And if it makes you feel any better, I was half way through a meaty, dripping, juicy cheeseburger at 5 Guys before I realized it was Good Friday.

    Jesus would want 5 Guys though... you know He would.

  15. I too have had to deal with eggshells that won't come off. It is downright evil. Glad that everything calmed down after you cut off the lamb's head.

  16. Sounds like every holiday or birthday at my house with two autistic sons.

  17. No I didn't enjoy Easter either: it involved me spending most of the day in the kitchen while they lay on various things like sofas and ate chocolate. I helped them with that bit...

  18. I didn't enjoy Easter either! Two week Easter break (following a week off school which followed an 8 week manic show preparation)of son suffering from acute sinusitis was not my idea of fun! But I didn't have to go searching for anything I'd put away for 'safe keeping'. Oh, I SO know THAT feeling!

    Glad it worked out in the end :-)

    xx Jazzy

  19. I was so sure that the husband ate the candy on you and that it was hidden in his belly! I am sorry. But I am so laughing my ass off at you right about now. that was a bad Easter of Epic proportions! Just switch the damn baskets hehehehehehe

  20. I swear people couldn't make up the shit that happens to you. Really. You dropped the ham on your foot? Ouch!! FYI- I have a hard time peeling hard boiled eggs too. I even got a tip from an Asian lady to peel the eggs while they are still warm. That didn't work for me either. ;)

  21. LMAO ! Love it ! I refuse to make devil eggs for any holiday, it's now officially my sisters job, she's a freaking Martha Stewart let her do it ! Besides if I make them my son just takes them out of the fridge and eats them shell and all, I don't see the problem ! As for the Ham .... OUCH ! Would it make you feel better to tell you about the 2 liter of Pepsi I couldn't get the lids off of, not even with my teeth, that I dropped in the kitchen ? It was like spin the bottle and then the lid blew off. Kitchen , dining room, 1/2 of living room sprayed with Pepsi, and me I was covered. My smart ass 18yr old says, Damn Mom, is there any left in the bottle, that's are last one ! I picked up what was left and sprayed him with it. Josh (14 ASD)then burst into screaming mode because he was the one that wanted the Pepsi to begin with. We still stick to the floor..... by the way I love the Lamb Cake, almost cryed, my Mom Mom made them every year, rum cake, she's been gone now for 8yrs. I really miss her! Thanks for the laughs and bringing up good memories ! :)

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