Friday, September 23, 2011

An open letter to my stalkers. And by that I mean you, yeah mom, I'm looking at you.

I get it.  You found the blog.  Yay.  At first I didn't mind.  I was all like, "Whatever.  I"m not changing what I'm doing here.  I'll just ignore it.  Whatever."

But then I checked my stats and analytics and found out who was coming to visit and what they're doing.  And it turns out, you are practically a stalker.  Checking it out every day.  And then going to other blogs and checking them out too.

Yay.  You're my biggest fan.

But the thing is, you're my mom.  You're not supposed to be out here.  It creeps me out and I don't like it.  I can't write knowing you're looking at my work and then going out to see where else I've been and who's been dropping by here.

For me, its weird.  I don't like it.

So I have to ask you in the nicest way I can to please stop.

I love you and all and I love that we're in the same house but the blog reading has to stop.  I even love that the baby loves you more than life itself.

But it has to stop.

See, I have writers block.

I'm not able to come up with anything knowing you're reading it on the sly.  And you know there's been plenty going on.  Gracie getting mauled by the dog.  Alex having another asthma attack.  The kids getting sick.  School sucking.  Me not feeling good.  Did I mention school sucking?

But I can't write about it knowing you're out here.

So it has to stop.

See, for all my friends out there, my mom and I live in the same house.  I've mentioned the blog once or twice at home when I knew she found out about it and left it at that.  We never really talk about it in real life.

But then I checked my stats.  And I'm over it.  Over being stalked by my own mother who is literally, in the room right next door.

So you've been given notice, as nicely as I can give notice.  While it's nice if you come to check things every once in a blue moon, and by that I mean almost never, its not OK to be checking up on me every day and then go stalking my friends blogs.  You're my mom and I'm not comfortable with it.

If you want to, go and get your own blog and blog friends, that would work.

What I'm doing here is not "mom material."

So like Hal says in the movie Megamind, "I'm watching you like a dingo watches a human baby."

And for now I am going to leave things at that.


  1. I would have to quit forever if my mother was reading my blog. Good thing for me, she doesn't know how to turn a computer on.

  2. Oh goodness. I'd be mortified if my mom read my blog, I'm so sorry.

  3. My mom and my mother-in-law ready my blog. I don't know which is worse.

  4. That sucks. I am always worried about who is reading my blog. And every time someone seems a lil upset I assume they read my blog and are mad at me. Oh the perils of being a blogger.

  5. Thankfully no one in my family reads me. This is the one time I am thankful that they have never supported me or take an interest in anything I do.
    They are my best blog fodder so this system works out well for me.
    Now having said that I would HATE having my family stalking me.
    good luck with this!!

  6. Uh oh!! As we say over here.."hate tha'" (the last t is dropped in deference to the Dublin accent!...actually it's more a "hate Da'")

    Hmmm..guess we all have stalkers but when it's your mom? Would be better if she (they) would comment. No, wiat a minute, that is definitely not a good idea!!

    xx Jazzy

  7. Yikes. I was wondering why you hadn't posted in awhile.

  8. My mom doesn't have a computer, and she has probably never heard the word "blog." So I guess I don't have to worry about that.

    But I do know what you mean. My sister reads it, and there are times I censor things because I know she will read it, and I hate that.

    But hey, I've kind of been wanting a stalker of my own, so if she is interested, you can tell her to stalk my blog and leave yours alone. But only if she leaves me snotty comments, otherwise it's not worth it.

  9. My family totally puts a damper on my writing. I understand. Sometimes a gal just needs her freedom without worrying about upsetting others.

  10. I wondered why you were so quiet!!! Some things are just sacred and if it's your only place to vent and tell it like it is, then she needs to step away from the stalking.

    It is really sweet that she wants to read every little thing you write though :)

  11. Ah yes--it's not like she has to poke her head into the blog to see what you are up to, as she can poke her head IN THE ROOM to do so. Hope it smooths itself out before you have to block her somehow!

  12. I was wondering why you hadn't been posting too! My family and my in-laws both know about my blog and have read it. I don't know how often they ready it, but it gave me writer's block too. I hate knowing the can access it, actually. Anyhoo, I don't know how to check my stats, wish I did, but since I don't, i don't worry about it too much cause I don't know what's happening.

  13. Oh, boy. I know what you mean. A long, long time ago I mentioned my blog to my mom and sister, but they never read it--my mom didn't even have email at the time. Then, like last year, she gets the internet at work and now she's reading my blog all the time. I offended her at least once and she often calls to scold me about something I've written. I guess I was too sarcastic or irreverent. Now I can't write any crap about her either. I hope you get your mom to stop!

  14. Well I have some sympathy with your Mum....I'm not allowed to be friends with my 18 year old on facebook or twitter, but since she has no privacy settings, it's very hard not to peek every now and again...

  15. Wondered where you had gone. I haven't got any family stalkers yet even though I told my family I had a blog and enlisted my brothers technical help to set it up. They've looked at it once or twice and havent come back to it so Im guessing they think its crap. The real problem is I cant write about them, as much as I love them and its stiffling my freedom of expression!

  16. I've pissed off my parents so often over the years that I've sort of become immune, but I imagine that it might be different if my mom lived with me and was reading my blog. Lucky for me, she's allergic to cats.

    Do you experience feelings of jealousy about the baby loving your mom so much? That would kill me.

    And YES!!! I've missed you!

  17. You can't blog in the open and worry about who's looking at it. I'm sure their are people creepier than your mom looking here. .... HEY! Don't even think it!

  18. Oh, I hear you. My mother reads my blog and it creeps me out. But it was worse when she'd comment all the time. She wouldn't say she was my mother, but it felt awful to me because I knew. It definitely does affect my choice of subject matter sometimes, which sucks. But at least I got her to stop commenting, because I thought it'd be an inhibiting thing for readers to know my mom was hanging around in our 'room.' I think your point might have gone over more smoothly had you not called her out in public, but hey, at least you spoke up, so to speak.

  19. Look at my blog today. It's about genetic stuff.

  20. What to do, what to do... you are simply (and obviously) too in demand to stop blogging... getting a new address is a big pain and she'll eventually find it anyway. This letter was pretty good but certainly no guarantee.

    I think like any celeb you will just have to push forward, edgier than ever for your fan base and go for it!! Your mom's been warned. Now, get to work woman - show her she cannot stop your greatness!!! We need stories out here! xoxo

  21. My dad became a "follower," but luckily I think he's only read like one post, and then recently I alluded to LADY PRODUCTS, and he suggested that maybe he shouldn't read at all..ha ha ha!

  22. Hahaha.

    I know my mom reads my blog daily, but I have gotten over it. My kids read my blog too (of course they're older), so they have ALL been told that if I post something that makes them uncomfortable, they must deal with it and not make me feel guilty or bad about writing it.

    I think it's a "mom" thing. I stalk my daughters facebook a couple of times a week. :) She's 19.

  23. Oh dear, just found out my mum is teaching herself how to surf the web and my dad suggested that she read my blog. What!

    PS not stalking you but just had to discuss this development somewhere.

  24. I'm pretty sure my mom hasn't found my blog yet. She'd probably comment. (She has enough websavvy to do that). It would be pretty scary if she did.

  25. God if anyone in my family found my blog I would be mortified, I changed my last one and moved as I thought my husband had found me and it was a royal pain in the arse and I still havent reached the same follower status lol!

  26. Oh no! I would be so mortified too,...

    I've missed you too! Well I'm glad that you're ok about from the "stalking". I stupidly in the beginning gave out my blog address as I was going to just do a photo diary style blog when I well found it therapeutic to have a good olde rant! and since then I've been fishing to see if anyone takes the bait to say "oh yeah..." but I'm hoping that they've lost or fogotton the address...

    SO I don't know who reads my blog... but no one from my family has ever said...

    I know, it's kind of like someone you know reading your diary!

    Dear Lizbeth's mum,

    Please stop reading Lizbeth's blog, apart from being one of the funniest blogs out there, I miss her! She's my friend.

    Lizbeth and her fellow friend bloggers, well we're all going through a naff time (different ones but still on the same path of OMG) too, and well our blogs are where we can have a laugh, cry, stand together even if not in person, and share over a virtual "coffee".

    Love Oatie's Mum
    If you want you can come an follow my blog: I'm about to declare "war" on our local Mayor on disabled access...

  27. I sent you an email on that. Hope it all works out.

  28. My mom reads my blog. And my Facebook. And my Twitter stream. It's rally quite astonishing that she has all the time she has to read all of my stuff. It stresses me out just a little, but mostly I'm okay with it. But I can see why it would be upsetting. I had to give up though. Mine was too tenacious.

  29. I don't know if my mom even knows how to GET to my blog! lol If she did, she may mention it. Hmm.. she's on my facebook so she knows what i talk about. I'm pretty upfront with my life (which is why i don't just allow anyone in my facebook). My mom never wanted to know Unless I told her! I could leave notes from school all around my room and she'd never read them. Same with my diary. I guess I'm lucky, she really enforced "respect privacy" in our house (though, my dad never followed the rules! he's such a gossiper! lol)

    I hope you get this all worked out. I too love reading your blog! :)

  30. mother, mother-in-law, father, wife. . . I'm pretty censored.


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