Friday, April 15, 2011

I'm sick and a liar to boot.

I was going to write something all funny and cracked up today but I'm not.  I'm exhausted, worn out and I'm sick.  I finally succumbed.

And the worst part is, they're on day eight of this and I'm on day two.  I still have all that fun to look forward to.   

But you want to know the really bad part? 

I sent them to school today.  Loaded them up with Tylenol and chucked them out the side door of the minivan.  I know.  I'm a horrible parent.  Thing is, the whole school's sick.  I'd feel a little differently if I weren't walking into a giant petri dish when I went up to the classroom today.  Every single kid was snotty and they were all still at school.

Lizzy's teacher met me at pickup last Thursday and said she looked a little sick and points to her nose giving me the biggest teacher hint that maybe she should have stayed home.  I did a quick scan and noted her nose looked as snotty as all the others.  Whatever. 

I looked her teacher square in the face and in my croakiest, I'm not sick voice, said, "I know.  Allergies. We all have them.  Juniper's real bad right now." 

Here's the deal:  I'm not allergic to anything.  I have no idea if Juniper's bad right now.  I made it all up.  Pulled it out my ass and spit it out my mouth.  I looked her square in the face and boldfaced lied. 

That was last Thursday and Lizzy's been home ever since.  So when I turfed them out the door today I was this shy of loosing it myself.

And the really bad part???  I'll do it again tomorrow if I have to. 

Wait. 

Shit. 

Tomorrow's Saturday. 

Lord, I think this turned out funny after all.  Either I'm a comedic genius or I really need to lay off all the meds.  You decide...

20 comments:

  1. Aww, that sucks! We work our behinds off to get them well and then... So sorry! Hope you are better soon! (It always happens at the weekend doesn't it?!)

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  2. Oh, no, you are DEFINITELY a comedic genius. This WAS funny, mostly because I would do the same thing myself. Hope you feel better quick.

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  3. I'll go with comedic genius :)
    Even worse, in our school system, more than a certain number of absences, even if a doctor note is provided, is report to Child Services. So we aren't allowed to come to school sick, but we can't stay home either. I have yet to figure it out.

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  4. Comedia genius. I, too, have sent my kids to school sick. It was the only way I could nap and get better. That, and I nearly lost my mind having them home! Get some rest - or some really good drugs! ((hugs))

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  5. I use the Allergy lie ALL THE TIME!

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  6. Definitely Comedic Genius. Since I dont have kids...never wanted them but I can't help but be drawn to your blog about brutally honest life... and how you make me shake my head and laugh every time you say "snot".

    PS- And really, I don't think it was a boldface lie. Isn't that why "they" made up the phrase "little white lie" for exactly this reason?

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  7. @Karen V.--thanks, at least I don't have to take them in to school!

    @Patty O.--we're kindred spirits. ;)

    @hatesocks-I don't get that either. I'm confused by your schools, and a little scared!!!

    @Christy--thanks!

    @Kelly--I think I'm going to take some drugs and hope that knocks me into a stupor...I hate when my I-pad thinks for me too, damn thing!

    @tulpen--it's a great phrase, isn't it? Here's another one I use: "I think it's his asthma..."

    @pam--thanks. The admiration is both ways, I'll have you know. We're coming down mid-June so you can make plans accordingly. That should give you enough time to get off the island! ;) Snot. And exactly, I like the way you think! :)

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  8. Heehee...Tylenol is your friend. Yup-I get the school as a petri dish thing..I also get the lying..it was actually quite creative-I commend you on your creativity. I hope you feel better soon..we are on round two here..I call it "plague house revisited"..but I have yet to succumb...which makes me worry that when they all do get healthy-I'll just drop dead..and it will be on a Saturday...sigh...

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  9. Okay. Here's the thing. I work in Kindergarten and hate parents like you. Problem is, you completely crack me up. I love this post!! lol :)

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  10. I have guilt.
    You're going through a really pooh time, but I couldn't stop myself from laughing at this post.
    Sorry.
    :)

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  11. Allergies? Hmmm. I think I may have used that excuse myself once or twice.

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  12. @ Kathleen--Oh no!!! Not round two!!! That sounds about right when you drop dead. I often fear it will be on Friday right after I get them from school...and they'd do a Weekend at Bernie's with my body instead of calling their dad...

    @DeeAnn--I know, I hate myself too! When I only had A., I despised mothers like me and was all judgey and horrible to them. Now I'm just desperate to get a shower so I can hose off all the puke and snot...Thanks for still liking me tho--that means alot. :)

    @A--it's totally OK, I'm used to it! ;)

    @BDA---I use the "Asthma card" too. Yes, I am that desperate. ;)

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  13. If they don't have a fever, they're not contagious. They can go to school, no matter how snotty, as long as they don't have a fever. I got that from a school nurse before I had Zane, and I fully intend to use it!

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  14. We've been pretty lucky with staying relatively healthy (please don't hit me), so I haven't had to play the allergies/asthma/etc card too often for my boys - yet. But I definitely can't say the same for myself! I always love when I wake up sounding sicker than I am, if I have to play that card...
    Also, since you sound like you have lots of time on your hands (ha ha!) I am tagging you for a meme over at my blog - check it out if you can - thanks.

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  15. Yeah, basically every kid in Natalie's preschool has a snotty nose at the moment.

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  16. I love it!! Allergies... Poor thing, hope you get better soon!!

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  17. @NJAMB!--they wre fever free so they were good in my book!

    @AllieF--yeah, I just wished I wasn't sounding sick when I was using the card!

    @WhisperingWriter--I know, it's frigging everywhere...I'm so sick of it.

    @Sharon--thanks

    @MarsupialMama--I hope you guye are feeling better as well! Hugs to you--L

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