Wednesday, April 18, 2012

I'm in the dumps, somebody get me out of here.

So our little world is crumbling all around us and I'm doing everything I can to help Alex hang on by a thread.  His SPED teacher went on maternity leave yesterday and he'll be without her for the remainder of the year.  

One day into this and he's already had his first meltdown while at OT and it was a good one.  A doozy even.  So bad he lost his mind and didn't even know it. I was just thankful it wasn't at my house.    

We talked about it later and he said, "I don't even know what happened to me," and started crying.  

He's brought back some old stims and is showing all the signs of being under a large amount of stress.  

I'm doing what I can but nothing hurts worse than seeing your own child come slowly unhinged, bit by bit, right before your very eyes.  

His General Education teacher has gone above and beyond and for that I am eternally grateful.  She's been working with me, doing what she can to help him in so many ways possible.  She truly gets Alex and knows how hard these next few weeks are going to be.  I wish she could really know how much her support and understanding means to me.

I have to switch gears hear because I fear I can't get through the rest of this post without bawling.  Instead, I'll give you a picture of what Alex likes to do best.    

Double fisting, baby.  Double fisting.
I-touch and I-pad .

And I know this sounds silly but look, no cuss words in the whole post.

No offense, I much prefer the posts in which I cuss.


33 comments:

  1. It's so hard when we see our kids stressed and we can't just fix it. The best way to thank a good teacher is write a letter to her, and CC the principal. Make sure it goes in that teacher's official file. It may make a difference when there are budget cuts between that teacher who cares about their students and one who's just mediocre.

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    1. Amanda--thank you so much. I never would have thought of that. She really has gone above and beyond and I really want to thank her so she knows....the rest of them can bugger off but she's been my saving grace.

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    2. Sometimes, we just have to hold ourselves together while they fall apart knowing there is nothing else to do. It's a kind of forced acceptance that sucks. But you being there, and him knowing you are there is the greatest support he can get right now and it's something really good. Btw, he is a sweetie in that photo- so cute. (& I can read between the lines- I still see cussing there ;) )

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  2. I'm so sorry this is happening for Alex. You're right about the fact that watching your kid come unglued has to be about the hardest thing in the world. I just want to give you both hugs (and pour you, Lizbeth, a big glass of something that deserves an umbrella in it).

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    1. Thanks and I'll drink it with you. Hugs.

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  3. Lizbeth, this absolutely tears my heart out. I hate that you are going through this. I hate that sort of pain and fear as you try to hold together a child that is falling apart. I cried when he said, 'I don't evevn know what happened to me,' because that's the heart of autism. Our kids don't want to feel like this. They don't want to break down.

    That being said, the school has to hire on a new or substitute speech therapist. They would be in violation of your son's and every other kid who is receiving services' IEP, if they didn't. There's legal recourse.

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    1. Oh Lexi, I know....I've done everything I can to fight this. Trust me. They've replaced her with a long term substitute....and what they are doing is legal. I've checked with 2 attorneys, 2 advocates and the State Dept. of Education....they have all said the same thing--even though it's legal it doesn't make it right. This has become a pissing match with my son in the cross-hairs.

      Were building a case with each and every meltdown.

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  4. Wishing you the very best and hope you find a way to help him cope.
    Many hugs.

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  5. My heart is breaking over here. When Alex said "I don't even know what happened to me" and started crying - can you even imagine how scary it must be to have an experience like that as a little kid?? Poor thing.

    Just love him up, Mama. Sometimes, that's all you can do. Love him up and let him know that your'e right there, riding the storm out with him.

    As for you, Miss Lizbeth - just know that many of us have been in those exact same dumps and we are right there with you. Come tell us about it so we can just listen, feel sorry for you, and not try to fix anything. Does that sound like a deal?

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    1. I know, I was a blubbering mess....and thanks for your ear, understanding and heart. I'd like to say you have no idea but I somehow know you do. xxoo

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  6. I'm torn here.

    I mean, of course I hate that you're going through this, and he's going through it. It's painful, I know.

    But part of me wonders if this is part of the "work" that we have to do, that our spectrum kids have to do to prepare for life. You know, the BIG, SCARY world out there, where change happens all the time. Trial by fire?

    Maybe the more of these "bumps" he has to deal with now, the better prepared he'll be later when there's no way for him to control everything???

    Still, they could have handled the impending change better.

    Do I make any sense? I hope I do. If not, just delete this. :)

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    1. Yeah, they could have handled this way better. I begged them (I BEGGED) to switch him to another resource/SPED teacher and the principal refused--saying she'd have to switch other kids...blah, blah,blah...total BS when we have documented this change will have a negative and immediate impact on his education. The last time a teacher left he was so sick he had to be pulled from class---and the teacher was only gone a week.

      I know he needs to meet life head on and in a way this IS going to work out. It will help him be a better kid and will prepare him for the real world. I get that. It just sucks to be dealing with it at 8.

      And no, I don't delete comments unless they are offensive or abusive. And this is neither. This has shown me there is an upside to this ugly situation I would not have otherwise seen. How can I delete that??? I can't. And thanks.

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    2. That's some tough love, Flannery...but truth is in there.

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  7. No cussing? Something really is wrong!

    My heart is breaking for you all. I know it may not seem like it when you see him hurting, but know that you are being a good mama just by letting him be upset and being right there with him through it all. Can you call an emergency meeting with the school? Surely there is some way to get them to change him to that other class if his education is going to be impacted.

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  8. It is scary to watch your child disintegrate. My kid and I have both been there. So sorry to hear; it is hard. Hang tough. Just imagine how wonderful it might be when they're reunited. Maybe a social story will help with his feelings?

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  9. Oh boy. I know this is so tough. I wish I had some meaningful advice to help you get through it but.. i don't :( Our kids process things so differently. I just hope Alex is able to get through the year with less outbursts. Changes are just so hard. ((hugs))

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  10. You and Alex sound like you are having a tough time, no one realises how these changes affect kids so much - we had a change of teacher after Christmas not just 1 but he went from 1 teacher to a split week with 2 teachers. one of these has a young baby and is constantly off as her little one is sick - now I understand, hell I have been there myself, but I wasnt a primary school teacher. My little man has had different reactions to each disruptive day, some he takes in his strides other see him hding under the bunk beds when its time to go to school. Its so hard on them. Hope you and Alex are OK x

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  11. Sorry, my friend. What goes down must come up...or something like that? It's a roller coaster, alright. We're all in this together, and I thank you for your honesty!

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  12. Ever feel like someone is setting your kid up to fail, so they can punish him or get rid of him when he fails? Yeah, me too. I wish I knew how to fix these situations or at least make them more tolerable. And that's when I start second-guessing myself. Should I be more confrontational? Less confrontational? Remove him until they fix the problem? Talk to his psych about increasing his meds so he can deal with the situation, or at least be too sedated to freak out? Hope that when they see the situation they've created, they'll recognize there is a problem, and take steps to remedy it?

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  13. This has happened here, and it must be worse for you as you predicted this would happen. All I can do is send some virtual hugs from across the Atlantic and hope that all the support and advice will help you and Alex through this xx

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  14. So, strangely, this just happened here too. Our SPED teacher left last Wednesday on maternity leave. We're on vacation this week. No one has told me what they said to the kids or how they explained who the new person is. And I have little faith in the gen ed teacher to cover it all.
    Yes, I know these things happen. But I hate hearing "our kids have to learn to be flexible". They are still little. Things will throw them.
    I'm sorry it's so hard. I know it doesn't help to hear that you're not alone, but just know you aren't.

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  15. My son said something similar after one of his recent epic meltdowns. "I don't know what's wrong with my brain!" Like a kick in the gut.

    I wish I had something better than that little "we're in this together" story, but sadly I don't. Unless you're interested in Ativan, which I highly recommend.

    It's OK to be weak sometimes, when you need to be.

    *shakes angry fist at sky*

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  16. Well that bites and I hate to know you're down in the dumps. I prefer your cussing posts too. ;)

    Alex is working the iPad and iTouch at the same time? How cute is that!

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  17. ((HUGS))

    There is nothing worse than seeing your child unable to cope. Ugh...but just keep doing what you're doing. You'll both get through this.

    Feel free to cuss in the comments. Or I can cuss for you? ShitFuckMotherFuckingShit.

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  18. Oh Lizbeth...so sorry...just know that he has the best mommy he could possibly have for himself.

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  19. I remember my son once, lying on the bed, weeping, asking me "What's wrong with me?".. absolutely broke my heart.

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  20. That is so hard to watch. Big hugs to you both.

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  21. New to your blog....just wanted to say that it is so hard when they are struggling and we sit by throwing all we've got in to help and they are still beside themselves...

    My son's teacher goes out on leave in May. I'm super nervous...not sure what their plan is...thanks for reminding me to ask about it.

    BTW, my son does the tablet/phone thing, too.

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  22. Oh I'm so sorry you and your son have to deal with this. Hang on in there.

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  23. Lizbeth, I got such a PANG when I read this yesterday. OH, the suffering of our little people. Don't get me started. I hope that all it takes is a little time for Alex, and then after a few weeks, he'll be okay with it all. Why don't you do a social story with him about it? Yeah, that sounds like bullshit, but Jack LOVES reading about JACK and putting his feelings and frustrations into words.


    Wait...did I comment on your other post about Alex's fear/MASSIVE INTEREST in tornadoes, and how we could change the word 'tornado' with 'tsunami' and POOF, you'd have JACK? I can't remember if I replied that or just thought it....

    hang in there woman. I'll hang in there with you.

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  24. Oh dear. I think that it must also be the time of the year--I've had to deal with several kid meltdowns this week. Hang in there--only five or six more Mondays to get through.

    My brain has an autocurse feature that throws in the cusswords that you meant to put in there, so it's all good! :)

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  25. I'm so sorry your boy is having a time of it...:( We went through something similar a few years back with Sam. From that time on-I have actually inquired if ANY of his supports would be taking any kind of leave-If so, I would start preparing him from the first day of school. I hope that things have gotten better for him...

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