I stopped taking care of myself.
I've never been a big fan of winter. Not that I'm a fan of summer humidity either but I'm not a big fan of those cold, grey days of winter.
They do something to me. Something bad.
This year it happened so slowly I didn't even know. With all the mess at school coinciding with the time of year Wyatt died and my husband being out of town more than in, it all just blew up in my face. I guess all the issues at school tipped the scale.
See, I'm a good cover girl. I covered it all up. I always have. So in real life I was doing what I normally do, going through the motions. There are no words to adequately describe depression, if that what it was.
I don't know.
I just know I was in a place I didn't want to be. A place I knew I shouldn't be but I was there anyway.
Stuck.
Going through life with no real interest.
Wanting to leave, to run. Run far, far away. This time I wanted to run and not look back. I wanted to be free of the cold, the grey, the memories and most of all, the stress.
All the stress of trying to help my son who just couldn't figure it out.
But I've come back.
Back to a better place. To a better frame of mind.
And I hope it stays that way.
Note: I wrote this several months ago and trust me, I'm back to my old self. Sometimes it takes a kick the pants, a good friend, a trip to the doctor, whatever, to get back to where we need to be.
I'm sharing this because it is so important for us to realize we have an overabundance of stress on our shoulders. We have to take care of ourselves and each other. And it's OK to ask or seek out help when you need it.
Sometimes it's really hard to take care of ourselves. I'm going through a stage like that right now. I'm glad you're back to your old self.
ReplyDeleteHang in there lady, I know you're studying your ass off. Good luck.
DeleteYou are a good cover girl. We are here for you but we need to know!!!
ReplyDeleteTotally understand those wretched feelings.
Hugs xxxx
Hugs right back...and thanks.
Delete((hugs)) Lizbeth. I'm so happy you are feeling better. I know what those stages are like and they suck big time!
ReplyDeleteIts such a slippery slope too. By the time you realize you've fallen its hard to get back out.
DeleteI get this. I am trying to climb out right now. It's rough, but I can do it. Hearing that someone else did it and is on the other side again helps. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteHugs Lisa, big fat hugs. No one gets it like another mom who's been down our road. Hugs.
DeleteWell said Lizbeth.
ReplyDeleteBeen there - and back. :-)
I'm glad you are well.
There is nothing wrong asking for help, people need to understand that too.
Thanks Peg.
DeleteSometimes I don't think there's a "self" left to take care of. Seems like it got lost about 5 years ago.
ReplyDeleteBut then you found me and between the two of us we won't let each other go down that hill. I'm sorry chicka, you're stuck with me.
DeleteThis is going to sound really bad, but I stopped taking care of myself loooong ago. What's left of me, anyway. And I have gone so far as to actually formulate an escape plan. 'Bout the only thing that stopped me was my expired passport and the fact that I didn't have the energy to go renew it.
ReplyDeleteGlad you're feeling better.
Grace. I will try and call you this week, at minimum text. I heart you.
DeleteIt is an ongoing process keeping it together and enjoying all that is good. Celebrate your strength that you can and are able to come back to your old self.
ReplyDeleteYou have a way with words, you really do. Thanks.
DeleteThank you for sharing this, Lizbeth. It really means a lot. I see a lot of moms going on out there like total warriors and it seems like there are never ever chinks in their armor. I know I have chinks all over mine... and it makes me feel so much better knowing that is normal!
ReplyDeleteI have so many chinks its not even funny. I have learned to accept them and just move on. I'll never be a stepford wife and I'm ok with that.
DeleteThe one thing that moms tend to neglect is themselves. This is a great post. I needed a reminder to take care of myself, and this was it!
ReplyDeleteYou know you've been letting yourself go when every time you take a shower, your kids ask, "Where are you going?"
ReplyDeleteI had to laugh as I just came from the bathroom, pulling up my pants and my toddler trying to pull them back down. That battle, my friend, is long lost.
DeleteLife is up and down and up and down and up..........
ReplyDeleteIt's brave to put it out there, my friend. You had me fooled. It's good to know you're human, too. My downfall came last summer when I realized I had let myself go to the tune of 40 extra pounds - they are gone now but food was my drug of choice for quite some time...
ReplyDeleteWhen we face our weaknesses, we can and do climb back out because our kids need us - really, really need us and they need us at our best. Sometimes, it's just hard to stay there. xoxo
Thats just it--staying there. There are so many stressors nagging you down. It takes a conscious effort to stay on top of it....
DeleteI like Papa Bear's response. :)
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you shared that, because it's nice to know we are not alone.
This is very familiar to me, glad you've made it back to a better place xx
ReplyDeleteLizbeth, I think this is the same damn struggle I live all the time. I'm a good cover girl too. Just keep swimming, sister. Just keep swimming.
ReplyDeleteThanks Karen, Thanks.
DeleteI hope it stays that way too! Xoxo
ReplyDelete((HUGS))
ReplyDeleteI admire your honesty. We all have these moments, some moments last longer than others and it's okay to talk about it.
Take care of yourself!
I am sure this will inspire others to take care of themselves too.