Monday, September 10, 2012

In which I talk about my GI system. At length. There's your warning.

I swear to God, I've been sick for the last week and I've narrowed it down to two things: Stress and a visit from my husband's aunt.  She traveled in from out of town and cooked for us.

That was last week.

I've been sick ever since.

Maybe it's a combination of being stressed and the visit, I don't know.  My stomach has been pushed right over the edge.  I've spent more time looking at the four walls of my bathroom and I've named the spider that's hanging out in the bottom right corner, next to my sink, Running bra.

That damn spider has set up shop next to the laundry pile and that one bra is just close enough, I'm not willing to touch it--the spider or the bra.  

Spider wins the battle and keeps the bra.

I know.  I'm not that creative to begin with but when you're losing half your body weight our your ass, the mind starts to shut down.  All creative thoughts are purged and the only thing I can think of is, "Oh My Fucking God, I think I have a tapeworm.  Can you get a tapeworm in today's day and age?  A parasite maybe?  Oh Jesus...I swear to be good, just please make this stop, I will never eat fried egg rolls again.  Oh God, I have to get the kids in a few minutes."

So that's what I've been doing this past week.  You know, besides picking out a whole exterior for the house and thinking of the different and varied ways to maim the kids that bullied Alex last week.

On the upside, I think I've dropped three pounds.

This would have nothing to do with my GI issues.
Nothing.  I'm sure of it.  

So yeah, I've been out of commission.

That and the kids are just not happy.  The change back to school is wearing thin.  I almost got my mouth sewn shut with toothpicks when I mentioned homework.

Homework.

That dirty little whore.  Alex has an on again, off again relationship with homework and right now we're in the OFF phase.  As in, I've had to call school and tell them we're not quite there yet and I'm sorry the 'All About Me' collage is really 'All About Lego's' and absolutely nothing about Alex, unless of course, you count that he is all about Lego's, then that would totally work.  Thank God his teachers are understanding and they're letting it slide.

So I'm trying to get back to a Monday, Wednesday, Friday posting but right now it's just not happening.

I'll be back to posting as soon as I get this tapeworm out of my system.      

34 comments:

  1. It's the worst when you're sick and get to what needs to be done, or lie in a painful stupor to recover. Sending good thoughts. Any way you could sick that bad-ass spider on those bullies? Bullies suck.

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    1. That's a good idea...drop the spider on the bullies....

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  2. i have huge GI issues and all it takes is one or two days of eating crappy and thats it for weeks. It seems worse now that I am pregnant too.Did that stop me from eating fries covered in cheese and bacon... NOPE.

    and homework is the only thing that can induce swearing at the mere suggestion

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    1. Bacon?!? Ohhhhh, I love bacon........

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  3. I've been sick for a couple of weeks now and have lost 10 pounds just because I'm not hungry. I'm planning on staying sick for a couple of months if I can figure out how to do it.

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    1. Bwahhh....I wish I could be less hungry!

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  4. Worst part is Immodium is part of that massive recall from last January, and it's not back on the shelves yet.

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    1. I've got some of the old stuff. Maybe that's part of the problem?!?

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  5. Lizbeth that sounds horrific but you don't need to lose weight!
    Me on the other hand need this tapeworm, can you send it over?

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    1. Oh Gawd Peg, you don't want it!!! Trust me!!!

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  6. Sorry you are not feeling well. That is not cool. Especially when there are big creepy spiders in the corner and bullies to be dealt with at school.I say send "Running Bra" over to deal with the bullies.

    We are having homework issues here, too. Alex and Jake may have conspired, as I believe I was threatened with being "bammed in the mouth" the last time I mentioned homework here. *sigh*

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    1. You'd swear homework was a four lettered word...

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  7. The same thing happened to me once while we were living in Cali. Turns out, I had GIARDIA! I lost 9 pounds in 9 days. You think that it would be great, but it was soooo not worth it.

    I hope it goes away SOON

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  8. I've had a few parasites in my time and they are not fun! Bless ya hon. I love the spider's name. Heehee.

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  9. If the spider starts talking to you, call 911.

    I went through GI Issues after eating deer sausage, and that was horrible. I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy. Okay, maybe my WORST enemy, but not the second worst. What I am trying to say is that I hope you feel better soon!

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    1. Ohhhhh, just the thought of deer sausage made my stomach lurch. *runs to bathroom*

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  10. It never cues to amaze me what stress can do to a body! Sorry to hear you can't even find relief in peace with the arachno-foe!

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  11. Hope you get better soon! I had a really cool big spider make a zig zaggy web once right outside the big window in the family room. I named her Charlotte and she became our family pet spider. Finally she died after several months and we had a proper burial for her in one of the planters on our back deck. Yes, I was a single mom way too long...

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    1. Bwahhh!!! We have a spider we adopted at our window---right at the front door. Thing was damn near the size of a dinner plate when it finally died.

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  12. Mmmm coconut fudge!! Clearly, this is the key to feeling better about anything.

    Not fun to be "sitting down on the job" when you have to pick up the kids!! That's beyond stressful! I'm glad the relatives are gone. They just forgot to take the tapeworm and spider with them. Forget sic'ing the spider on the bullies, make them eat the fried egg rolls. That'll teach 'em!

    Feel better soon!

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    1. Bwahhh!!! Sitting down on the job!!!

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  13. Aaah, homework is over-rated. Hope you're clear of the worm (or the Aunt) soon!!

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  14. I hope you feel better soon! GI issues are miserable.

    Other preschool hooligans threw rocks at my kid today. They were too far away to hit her, but I was PISSED. I am so over school.

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    1. I'm over school too. And I want to drop a boulder on those kids. A BOULDER.

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  15. We did our first homework of the year last night. God help me when we get to REAL elementary school homework. I don't think I have the strength. Please, please, please... write down all your tips, bribes, acts, coercions, and whatnot. I'm gonna need every last one of them.

    And feel better soon, K?

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    1. K. My biggest thing I do is with hold the all mighty i-things.......

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  16. Ugh, I hope you're feeling better soon. We're also facing the homework battles over here too, and I HATE IT.

    Maybe you should lock them in with you and make them do homework in the bathroom. You can promise to let them out when they finish (insert evil laugh here).

    You need to get your husband on that spider, ASAP.

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    1. Oh Flan you crack me up. All of us would be puking if I locked them in the bathroom with me..... but it does sound tempting. Bet they could do their spelling in record time. Probably have a new Personal Best or something...

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  17. Now Lizbeth, I don't think maiming the bullies is appropriate. However, if you can coordinate your GI system over a McDonald's Frappe cup, who's to say they might not enjoy a "tasty" little treat?

    Wow, I just really went there. I guess envisioning someone sipping poop through a straw was just a matter of time for me.

    I hope that the homework fairy arrives tonight and brings vats of Pepto for all, as an added bonus.

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  18. OMG, the whole Aunt cooking thing had me almost fall of my chair with Laughing... Why do you think we MOVED country! lol!

    Urgh homework.... and when they are in preschool WE GET the HOMEWORK, I was given a 10 page booklet to fill up about Oatie... and I'm like, I'm sure you know enough about him already!!!

    Glad that you are feeling better and in a few weeks if you could sent that tapeworm along my way that would be cool, As I will have 70lb's to lose to get back to my (wouldn't be seen dead in a bikini weight0 which I would quite happily be that weight now! Almost 36 weeks. I must be the only person who put on weight eating vegetables during pregnancy! lol! My eldest pointed out that if I stand for 30 seconds on the carpet that when I move my feet that i leave indents in the carpet.... nice :)

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Comments make me all squishy but remember to be nice. If you're not nice then what you said goes *poof.* There's your warning.