Friday, October 19, 2012

I'm going to be shark bait.

Remember when the kids got sick?  And then the husband got sick?  And then I got sick?  Remember that???  Well, somewhere in that time frame, I snapped.  I frigging lost it.  Had enough with sick kids, sick husband and sick me.  I snapped like a twig.  

I did the unthinkable, called the husband at work and begged, pleaded and then demanded he come home and help me out.  I may have suggested I was going to throw myself out an upper window, or something that drastic, to get his attention.  I may have put that suggestion into his head, I don't know.  I was exhausted, I was feverish and I was quite possibly hallucinating.  

And I may have thrown a fit like a two year old asking, begging, pleading that he please go to Walgreen's and get antibiotics for all of us or I may throw myself out that same upper window again.  Now to be clear, if I did throw myself out that window I'd land in the bushes, probably break an arm, or some other extraneous appendage, and then I'd still have to clean the kitchen and make dinner because the fall would merely maim and not completely do me in.  

Anyway, in my delirium and feverish state I may have said something along the lines of, "I need a break.  I can't do this.  I can't have you sick people all needy and depending on me when I'm sick.  Why, why, WHY, can't our kids just sit in front of the TV?  Why can't anyone just eat a regular pizza and not puke?  And WHY is it so frigging cold in here?"

To which my patron saint of a husband had the stones to say, "Hon, it's not cold in here, you're burning up." And then, thinking I was more lucid and in a more adventurous mood than I really was, he said, "I can't help if the kids got your genes and don't like pizza."   

In hindsight I know he was trying to be funny but trying to be funny with your wife who's not showered in three days, handled more puke than necessary in any one lifetime, and has been without sleep and sick herself for the last week was probably not in his best interest.   

No, I know it wasn't in his best interest.  

And that's where I snapped.

"I can't do this.  I need a break.  I'm sick.  I can't be in charge of everything when I think there is a pony in the kitchen and can't you empty the damn dishwasher?  And for the record, I do not have bad genes.  They come from your family!"

I said a lot more than that but it was all nasty, mean and not necessarily true.  There was no pony in our kitchen.  My husband backed out of the corner I put him in and the next day surprised me by saying, "I've worked it out and we're going away for a week.  No kids, no nothing, just you and me."

And for a brief moment I was happy, I had an out.  I knew there was an end in sight.  And then I asked him, "When are we going?"  Knowing that one week out of four were pretty good odds but still...


And as it turns out, we're going down to Sanibel.  For one solid week, we'll have no kids, no nothing, just the two of us.  And one tag along bag full of tampons, pads and pain killers.

I'm going to be shark bait, chum.

AWESOME.

Wait.  You don't think that was his plan all along, do you?


26 comments:

  1. Have fun and relaxation!!!
    Stay out if the water. We need you to come back.

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  2. Collect lots of shells and relax for a moment! And if a shark approaches you, punch him right in the face.

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  3. Hope you have a great time! Have fun!

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  4. Hooray for Sanibel!

    You know, with all the medical advancements in the world, you'd think that by now they would have a pill or a shot or something to postpone mother nature a few days... I mean, how many times has Aunt Flo ruined a perfectly good outing? Bitch.

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  5. Nothing beats time away (without the kids!). Enjoy....

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  6. They do have a pill that postpones mother nature for a few days. You start taking it the day you are due and stop when you are ready for nature to take its course. I took it when I got married because I as due on the actual and real wedding day and I wasn't having that. Go. Quick. See you GP and tell him/her a dude in the UK had these pills and you need them too!

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  7. Enjoy every single stinkin' minute of your week off - and don't let it bother you at all that I am still at home, waking at 6 AM, packing lunches, running errands, cooking supper... don't let it bother you at all... I'm just totally and completely jealous.

    Hope you find some beautiful shells!

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  8. You deserve this break...from everything. And hurray for husbands who get it.

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  9. Enjoy your break--you definitely deserve it. I'm so glad your hubby turned that kitchen pony into a steed (sp?) and became your knight in shining armor..whisking you away from that place, if only for a bit.

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  10. '..to get his attention'

    Did he respond with 'Wait until I get home. I want to get video of this?.

    '..shark bait, chum'

    Is he going to be taking video?

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  11. Could you please have your husband teach a class to my husband? I haven't yet seen a pony in the kitchen (Jim^^ is still waiting for me to buy one... ask him) but I could use one of these vacations. I think our upper windows are adequate to do me in - I've got concrete below!

    Have a wonderful trip!!

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  12. My wife goes through the same thing sometimes. Luckily for us I have a pretty flexible job schedule so I can afford to take a day or two off every once in a while. After all, raising a child with aspergers is draining and every mom needs a break now and then.

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  13. I hope you have a great time! You deserve a break.

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  14. Enjoy Sanibel, you deserve to have a lovely time x

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  15. Ohhhhh this post made me laugh and tear up a little bit, too, because ohhhh if I had an upper window, I might have jumped in the bushes, too. Just to emphasize my point that I need a break. I'm living vicariously through you so have an AWESOME time!!!

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  16. You are hysterical! Get lots of sleep - that's what I would do!

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  17. Hope you have a wonderful time while you are in "heaven". Hear the shells are rolling in. Wish I were still there.

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  18. Have an awesome break no matter what the tide. Hope there's lots of great shells!

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  19. Sooooo glad I caught up with this one. I've been there, too many times to count. Lucky you to have a guy who gets it! (And no, I don't think the shark bait angle figured into the equation. You're still here, right?

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  20. P.S. This is Beth, aka Anonymous. Couldn't figure out how to post as myself without the url! *Luddite*

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  21. Oh WOW. Fantastic, you SO need and deserve this, enjoy. While you're gone I may plan a germ invasion chez Jazzy, see what that earns me. Not much is my guess!!

    xx Jazzy

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  22. Hope you have a good time...a great time and the best of times :)

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  23. Hope you had a fab time. I have been to that rock bottom where I've screamed at the husband to come home because it's not fair his job is number 1 priority when I'm actually too sick to look after the kids myself.... I only did it once, it WAS really important...1

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  24. Yay for you! Hope it was great. I reached a similar conclusion last night when my husband was arranging a weekend away (for himself and friends). I don't have a life! I get roughly 2 hours a day to myself and thats when the kids are in bed and before the baby gets up again!! Lucky lucky you :)

    xx

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Comments make me all squishy but remember to be nice. If you're not nice then what you said goes *poof.* There's your warning.