Monday, February 6, 2012

My week off and what I did. And didn't do.

I took all of last week off from blogging so I could wrap my brain around what was going on in this house.  Aside from some personal angst, I've had the pleasure of trying to find a new Speech Language Pathologist and figuring out if we want to continue on with individual treatment or opt for more of a group setting for social skills.  Either way, I was given notice that our insurance has stopped paying and unloaded a $7,000 dollar bill on us as they seem to think all past Speech Therapy was/is unwarranted.

Thank you Cigna for your medical opinion.  And by that I mean Fuck You Dearly.

Yeah, we're fighting it.

Add to it, all the social skills group start at $50 per group.  That turns into $200/month to go weekly, which is recommended by our Child Psychologist, not our insurance company.  And, oh yeah, none of them take insurance because, as one lady said, "We decided it wasn't worth that fight a long time ago.  We take cash or nothing."

Yeah, we're so not going there.

Last I checked, I don't shit $200 dollar bills so I got a little overwhelmed.

And then I got sick.

Let me rephrase that.  Alex got sick and my last coherent thought before I came down with his infectious disease nightmare was, "I hate cleaning grout lines. Christ, is it hot in here???  I'm really hot."

And that is the last thing I really remember for the past six days.

Sure, I remember some things:

  • Gracie eating cheese balls, cookies and trying to drink diet soda for lunch.
  • Alex puking.  And puking.  And puking.
  • Me getting a little jealous my six year old was holding down her diet soda. Note: I normally don't let the kids drink soda.  Ever.
  • Laying on the sofa watching something about the American Beaver for about six hours straight and thinking, "Hey, I wonder when the kids are going to figure out there is more than one kind of beaver...."
  • Looking at the thermometer thinking, "101.4?  Really??  You can do better than that."
  • Realizing that, if I did indeed die, my kids would not notice till we ran out of cheese balls and/or soda.

At some point in my fever induced haze, He Who Shall Remain Nameless thought it was a good idea to download Plants Versus Zombies for the kid's i-Touches.  Now Lizzy has established Base Camp next to our bed because she's afraid, "Zombies are going to cut open mommy's head and drink her brains like soda....with a straw."  Her words, not mine.    

Base Camp.

At some other point, Lizzy graduated from Base Camp and move permanently into Camp I.  Camp I is my bed.  It was formerly known as mom and dad's den of occasional sex but now its become the catchall for anyone and everyone who wonders in at night.

While the love's not dead the sex certainly is.    

At some other point during some other night, I told the kids to go puke in their buckets and leave me sleep.  I don't actually remember this, but He Who Shall Remain Nameless tells me it happened.  He swears by it.  I'd swear he was lying but then the kids started telling each other, "Oh, bloody hell, go away and leave me be," and I knew right then and there he was telling the truth.

And I'm not endorsing Tylenol PM here but man, that shit really works. 

Anyway, right when I started feeling better I took Alex's i-Touch down the hallway to be charged but I lost hold of it.  

I LOST HOLD OF IT.  

Now this is where I have to back the story up a bit.  See, Alex is a biter.  He bites things and likes to chew on things.  Anything he can get into his mouth, he'll chew.  At one point in my delirium I thought he'd make a perfect beaver the way he chews things.  Yes, my mind is that fucked up.  Hey, I was sick, remember?

Anyway, he chews his clothes, pencils, pens, erasers, box tops, whatever he can get, he'll chew it.  That includes, but is not limited to, his i-Touch case.  So when I lost hold of his i-Touch, it had a good portion of the case chewed off.  

Shirt sleeve, chewed.

And that little i-Touch in a half mangled case didn't stand a chance against the tile floor.  It hit in the bottom corner and the glass shattered into a million little pieces.

Cue impending horror and panic attack. 

Remember how I said Alex was sick?  Well, he was.  And you all know how our kids can get when they're sick.  Alex was really quite subdued, probably because he had his i-Touch.  That is, until I dropped that damnable, infernal, horrible, fucking little i-Touch. 

i-Touch, 0.  Tile floor, 1.

Then he became the devil incarnate.  I have not been forgiven.  He has not forgotten.  He will not forgive or forget.  The devil incarnate I tell you.

He's gone on a rampage that makes all others pale in comparison.  I'd swear the paint actually went a shade lighter when that damn thing hit the floor and shattered.  He morphed into his evil little twin, damning me straight to hell with every glance, every look and every move.  Every pore of his little body has been seething anger and venom at my lack of fine motor skills.

I'm thanking my lucky stars he's not yet built a ray gun out of Lego's because if he had, he certainly would have blasted my ass into dust without thinking twice.  I suspect this will not stop till I fix that damn thing and even then the residual, I-hate-you-for-dropping-my-i-Touch, effect will be felt for some time.  

And I can't say that I blame him.  I feel for him.  I broke his Holy Grail and now we're all suffering.

And then, because I've not yet had enough drama in the last week my uterus decided to get in on all the action and I started my period.

And that, right there, is how I took a week off, only to get further behind than ever before.


Note:  Yes, you are supposed to be laughing with me at this.  Through it all, I've managed to get some of "me" back, if that makes any sense.  I'm not as worn out and exhausted as I was.  I don't really understand it, but there it is.  I'm feeling better and I'm running with it.   



48 comments:

  1. awwww. . . i missed laughing at your misery! I'm glad you posted!

    Glad you feel better.

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  2. I know this is wrong but you made me think my week wasn't as bad as I thought. Bad blogger friend huh?

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  3. Okay that was really funny. Especially when you directed the kids to puke in buckets. Glad everyones better now you just gotta buy a new I-Touch which as much as they cost may cause you to fall ill again.

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    1. I know, it's $100 to get the glass replaced. What's throwing him is that he had to be without it for a day.

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  4. How do you know what I ate for lunch?? Ooohhhh, you mean Gracie your DAUGHTER. . . .

    Every one of Ryan's shirt sleeves looks like Alex's. I tried sending him to school in nothing but tee shirts, but he just chews the collars instead.

    If you were gonna break one of your kids' iPods, you should have broken Lizzie's so she wouldn't have to look at those blasted zombies any more. Think next time, Lizbeth! Then maybe you'd be gettin' some.

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    1. And that's why I shop at Walmart for his clothes. He chews through him faster than I can buy them. The collars are bad too. Don't even get me started on button down shirts....

      See, where you when I was collecting electronics. That kind of information would have been useful YESTERDAY.

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  5. Sweet, we're not the only ones with a homeless camp in our bedroom!!

    Plants vs. Zombies is awesome, except for the whole scaring the crap out of the kids thing.

    Maybe you should not be allowed to touch the I-touch, Miss Fumble Fingers.

    Oh, and I feel you on the whole insurance/out of pocket thing. We're lucky we found a social skills playgroup that's only $35 a week, which is still a chunk every month, but what can you do?

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    1. I was thinking of you when I was putting up the hobo shelter. I remember Connor having a similar set up. And I hate you for finding a social skills group for $35 bucks.

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  6. Oh man. You're having a rough week too! Must be something in the air! Glad youre feeling better!

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    1. I think it's the time of year. I hate January and February....

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  7. So, um...perhaps another week off?

    For a laugh, check out the insurance letter I just posted. I have a feeling it will sound familiar: http://goo.gl/hF2tT

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    1. Oh gawd, we're on the same wavelength. I would love to take more time off. You coming over to babysit?!? ;)

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    2. Bwaaaahaaaahaaaa. That's the funniest thing I heard all day. How 'bout we find a babysitter for all the kids and go out for drinks! Wouldn't that be fun? Guess we'll just have to stick to virtual cocktails for now.

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  8. I'm not laughing. Sounds like the week from hell. My sympathies. ((hugs))

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  9. omg please tell me you had insurance or warranty on that thing. I know what you mean. Tommy's iphone is more important thing to him in the big giant world. If that thing died, I'd kill myself for sure.

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    1. I almost died when that thing hit the ground. Almost died.

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  10. Glad you are better..and I am also glad i am giggling over here... crossing my fingers so as not to get the flu this year.

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  11. Ahh insurance. Instead of weeding out the cheaters they decided to weed out everyone.

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  12. Love is sent to you for the angst. I feel it deeply with you.

    At the bottom of the rest, well, it's all about money and nasty germs. If you'd simply invent a cure for the nasty flus and viruses, you'd have "some" of the money to pay for all the therapies... probably still not enough, but a start. Let me tell you - that glass? $200 to repair. How do I know? Tootles dropped my phone (notice, it was mine - not his iTouch, not hubs phone -mine) twice. Yes. Twice.

    Cheez balls, beavers and puke. Yes, I'm sooo glad you're back! ;)

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  13. It sounds like you need a month off and a fairy godmother, if I find one, I'll send her over xx

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  14. Hi
    My name is Jenna and I came across your site. Your son is a precious and special gift, actually all your kids are. They are all special earthly angels. Your son is a courageous, strong and deteremined fighter. He is a smilen champ, a brave warrior, and smilen champ. He is a super hero, a super trooper, and a tough cookie. Your son is full of sunshine, life, spunk, and smiles. I was born with a rare life threatening disease, 13 other diagnosis. I have suspected bipolar, and suffer from major anxiety. I also have autistic tendensies. http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/champ291 I love it when people sign my guestbook.

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    1. You are amazing, I stopped by and I hope others here do so as well. You are amazing!!!

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  15. hi Lizbeth, it's Jim from Jim's Autism Blog. I read your post and realised that the same things happen to me when I take some time off from the daily grind. Sometimes I wonder if the time off was worth it. I've also spent a few minutes reading your blog and I can't wait to read more. Your blog is the newest blog that I'm following.

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    1. Hi Jim! Thanks for the follow, I look forward to reading you as well. That just sounds weird. You get what I'm saying, right? Right???

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  16. Wow. If that's how you take a break, then I'm not sure I want to be in the same country if you ever go completely ballistic. Damn, woman.

    Here's hoping that things improve a bit and that maybe with your recovery someone actually does shit a $200 bill.

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    1. I know, right??? I need a break from my break.

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  17. Aim higher and shit $500 and buy a stash of itouches! We have one with no wi-fi capability anymore (due to a water incident on day 2 of ownership)--can still be hooked up to computer and loaded up....will send it if it would help (it has been replaced).

    Maybe you and the hubs could set up a swanky little love den in one of the kids' rooms for when they take over your bed?

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    1. Haha!!! I'm thinking on that last part....

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  18. We love Plants v. Zombies. Zane likes the football zombie. You can hate me. I understand...

    I am glad you're back!

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  19. Oh I'm so sorry! What a week! I hope everyone is feeling better, a new ipod falls from the sky, and cigna sends you a letter or regret that they made a terrible mistake, and because of that they send you a huge check for mental havoc. Well, you can dream, right?

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    1. That sounds like a beautiful dream or me when I'm drunk!!! I'll take that dream any day!

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  20. Jesus Christ. That sucks ASS Lizbeth. I HATE the stomach bug. Hate it. Hate it so, so much. I also felt sympathetic terror at you dropping the most holy of Alex's possessions. Holy crap. You're going to have to shit out some hundred dollar bills for this. You're just going to have to.

    I'm glad you're feeling better though!!!!

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    1. Thanks lady, I've been thinking of the irony or our situation. Mine puking things up and yours not wanting to eat. Uggghhh.

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  21. All this and coaching your over seas sister through her first bout of gastro with a baby and sick husband too??? You're a legend. As we say here, "Your blood's worth bottling, mate"!!!

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    1. Yeah but you missed the part of me scrubbing the phone off as I felt you were contagious thru the phone. You guys sounded disgustingly sick. I'm glad its over. NOw go find some wood and knock the hell out of it.

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  22. Sorry to hear you had such an awful week. Nothing worse than a stomach upset, particularly when everyone else is also puking up. And the laundry afterwards is awful. Hope you feel better soon. Sorry also about the itouch. Our son had a similar reaction when the xbox broke recently; it was a dreadful weekend of constant meltdowns. Deb

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    1. Oh Gawd I feel your pain. I really do.

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  23. Lizbeth - I've so missed hearing from you! And I was thinking you might be taking the week off to hang out and have one less thing to do. I guess that's what you need to do now...

    And I do believe that your Alex and my Lily are part beaver. You didn't happen to see them on that TV show? Then those producers are missing a whole other breed of beaver....

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    1. They are totally missing out. And I bet our kids could cut a tree down with their teeth and still beg for more.

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  24. OMG! your week sounds like HELL! and then some! I find the same, don't take time off each time I do, I have to say that the puking in the buckets was totally classic!

    Glad you're all feeling better, could you get a new screen off ebay? shhh don't tell Apple!

    Missed you,

    Mel
    xxx

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  25. Oh no!!

    I seriously couldn't believe it, but things kept getting worse and worse as I scrolled down!!

    You poor poor things! Poor Alex, poor Lizzy, poor you!! And thank you for writing with such an awesome sense of humour. I felt bad laughing, but I gotta give credit where credit is due.

    Hope you feel better soon!! And also that you win a new iTouch on the radio?

    PS. We're a big fan of "sick buckets" in this house. Projectile vomiting can't always be contained.

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  26. I feel ya. I had my period twice last month, and our weekly social skills group is $60/session, not covered by insurance. Because clearly all special needs parents are rich. Right? And fuck insurance. I seriously wanted to send our company letters last year that would have placed me on some FBI watched list. I still might.

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Comments make me all squishy but remember to be nice. If you're not nice then what you said goes *poof.* There's your warning.