Thursday, March 7, 2013

If this is not rock bottom I'm gonna be pissed.

You know what is awesome about pneumonia?

NOTHING is awesome about pneumonia, that's what's awesome about pneumonia.

My kids gave me one hell of a cold that turned into a sinus infection that turned into a antibiotic resistant strain of pure evil that set up shop in my lungs.  Anyone else thinking of that Musinex commercial now?  For the past two weeks I've been working on breathing.  Just breathing.

And when I'm sick its amazing what gets lost in the cracks of everyday life.

The kids had an after school art program they were begging to go to, just begging.  I signed them up and promptly, and totally, forgot about it.

So that Monday my daughter went out after school for me to pick her up only I wasn't there.  Somewhere in the back corner of my mind I knew she had after school art but here's the rub: she did not.

I didn't remind the kids what the day looked like from our daily calender and she didn't know.

After twenty minutes of standing outside, the secretary figured out what was going on and ushered her into the art room.  You know, the art room her brother was happily sitting in, crafting away.  See, he remembered he had after school art.  It just never crossed his mind to see where she was.

When she walked into the art room and saw him happily crafting away she broke down in tears all over again.

When I went to pick the kids up I was pulled aside, told what happened and again my little girl went turned into a complete and utter puddle.

I felt horrible.  She was out front waiting for me and I never came.  Talk about feeling like a shitty, horrible parent.  I calmed her down, bribed her with a trip to Dairy Queen that was mostly more for me and I thought things were right with the world.

Only they weren't.

"You don't love me.  You hate me.  I think I want a new mom.  If I had a new mom, she'd never forget me.  She'd love me...and make me cookies....and not forget me in front of school."

All the way home.

I had enough.  I snapped pulling into the subdivision.  Pulled a hard right and curbed the minivan.  All the safety harnesses were working on the seat belts.  I confirmed it.

"GOD BLESS AMERICA, I'm sorry I forgot to tell you!  Mommy's sick!  I don't feel good.  You guys gave me some horrible plague and I'm sorry I forgot one little thing.  I'm sorry!"

Cough, cough, cough, hack, hack, cough.....shallow breath in and....

"You know, you guys are old enough to look at that calender in the morning and see what is going on in your lives.  It's up there for a reason and it's most certainly not there for my health.  Now I want QUIET for the rest of the way home!"

And I pulled back out onto the street and drove the whole fifty feet to our house in silence.  Only to walk inside and to be met by a calender that looked like this:

She in PJ's....don't judge. 

And two kids, exclaiming, "See!!!  How can we possibly know what is going on, Gracie drew all over it!  This is all your fault.  Our new mom would never let this happen!"

I gave up.  I swear, one day I will have grown children that can function for themselves.  God as my witness, I will.  They may be in therapy for the rest of their lives but by God, it will happen.  

Right now I want their new mom to come in here and see what she can do with this place, she can start by cleaning that damn calender board.  That things a mess.


  1. I'm sorry you're sick!

    Now 40 yrs later my sisters and I talk about the time Dad forgot our one sister two times. No cell phones then. She stood outside the school until dark. We all laugh....NOW.
    She was convinced he hated her and she was adopted. We other sisters told her she was.
    Oh yea, this will be funny to your kids one day....if you survive it. :-)

    1. We have a similar story with my little brother. My parents forgot him at a rest stop on our way down to Florida....

  2. I don't even know what to say except that this sounds like the worst day ever.

  3. I still remember that one time in first grade school let out early and my mom either forgot or never knew to begin with and I was the only kid left at the school. i wandered around crying until the principal saw me and took me in the office and called my mom. Oh the trauma!!

    I don't remember if I ever forgot my son at school or not (knowing me I probably did more than once!), but I'm sure if I did he remembers it! lol

    Hope things get better for you! Pneumonia sux!

    1. I know right? Pure trauma. I feel horrible.

  4. Tell them they get what they pay for...something to consider when they post that "new mom" position. Feel better dear woman!

  5. That sounds awful, Lizbeth! The kids, yeah, they seem to be working you for more than a little Dairy Queen action... what is that girl eyeballing these days, a new bike? A little early for shoes isn't it? There's something there... And goodness sakes, I hope you kick that nasty virus/bacterial yuck's butt. Feel better soon, one-true-mama! xo

    1. I'm better, back and yelling at kids so I must be alright. :)

  6. Oh my. Been in that neighbourhood, Lizbeth. Hang in there! Can the new mom also fix you a drink and give you a neck rub? Because that would be awesome.

  7. Okay, it's settled. New mom takes care of kids, house, gives you neck rubs and mixes you up cocktails on demand. I also think she should do mani-pedis. Anything else?

    I hope you feel better soon!

  8. I totally feel your pain. Kids can say the most horrible things to make us feel like shit. Mine is a pro at it. Call me. We'll swap insults.

  9. My daughter still reminds me I once was an hour late to pick her up ugh and I still allow her to make me feel guilty but on the bright side she is now old enough to take care of herself....and yes one day they will actually do that. I really hope you are breathing easier.

  10. This makes me think of that scene in Home Alone where John Candy is telling Kevin's mom about the time he accidentally left his kid at a funeral parlor, alone with the corpse. So, see?? It could always be worse. Or better, because John Candy didn't have to pull the minivan to a screeching halt to demand some peace. Depends on how you look at it.

    And dear goddess, get better soon.

    Wendy Grace

  11. That's just so unfair, when you should be on bed rest by the sound of it and not out in the car at all :(

  12. You need a break! I hope that you feel better and *stay* better soon. I have had pneumonia many times, and it is so, so miserable. Big hugs. Hang in there.

  13. I'm sorry to hear how sick you've been. Honestly, I am so glad you are blogging again. You really have a gift of making even the worst shit hilarious to read!

  14. Good for you! Yes, one day you will have grown up children that will have to remember things for themselevs and right now is when they start learning how! Sorry to hear how sick you've been as I've had pneumonia before. And the cough from hell too... I feel your pain! I KNOW your pain!

    And they don't want a new mum.... they don't know how lucky they are with the one they have ;-)

    xx Jazzy

    1. I may have you come over and tell them that.

  15. darling darling - hope you feel better soon
    The kids comments made me laugh though

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