Monday, June 20, 2011

Try getting that out of your mind.

A few things have happened between now and the last time I posted.  First things first.  It was my mom's birthday.  Did I mention she's here with us?  No??  Well she is.  That, in and of itself, has been a blessing and a bane.

Blind Pass, Sanibel
Funny thing is, her birthday comes around in June and I forget it every year.  Without fail.  And every year she gets pissed.  Without fail.

This year I actually remembered the day before while we were out getting groceries.  Let me rephrase that.  My husband got a FaceBook reminder that it was her birthday.


There I was, scrounging for a birthday present at the general store.  They had nothing unless I was going to give her eggs, milk, sunscreen or bug spray.  I settled for a pre-made cake and called it a day.

I took the kids out and drew pretty things in the sand for her and she was happy.

Then I almost forgot Father's day.  Let me rephrase that.  I did forget Father's day.  Totally.  I remembered it, only after my husband dropped me off at Blind Pass to go shelling at 6:00AM.  About an hour later, I was knee deep in water going for a shell and the thought brought me from a full stoop to upright in less than one tenth of a second.

I called him and he said not to worry.  I married a good man.

Alphabet cone
Lace Murex

We took a boat out to explore and I tell you that little bit of information to tell you this.  I have never been so petrified in my entire life.  I don't know what it was, but having all three kids on a boat, in open water, scared the hell out of me.  The only way to describe it was I had this horrible feeling that if anything went wrong I couldn't save all my kids and I'd be forced to choose.  And I could not come up with an answer.

I was never so happy to have my feet touch solid ground, grab all my kids and get off that damn boat.

Anyway, back to the blessing and bane bit about my mom.  There we were out on the beach talking to I don't remember and she has Gracie at her legs.  You know where I'm going with this, right? Right?? 

I start to play with Gracie and since she's at my mom's nether regions.  I can help but see.  It's not like I was going in for a quick peek or anything, Gracie's about mid-rift height.  There, right in front of my face, and behind my little girl: Full Bush.

Full Bush.  People, my mom had not shaved her bits in years.

Years, people, years.  Uggghhhh.....

Who walks out of the house like that?!?  Before you answer that, I already know.  MY MOM.

I was mortified.  There she was, yammering on, Gracie's making a fuss and people are looking right at it.  She was clueless and just yammering away.

We're talking full bush.  Monkey's at the zoo have less hair.  Pube's Gone Wild.  Granola.  Tree hugging, save the planet a razor style.  

And that's the bad visual I'm leaving you with today.

Now try getting that seared out of the back of your retina's.


  1. I'm gonna go throw up now. Thanks for that. :-P

  2. i presume she had some sort of bathers? ........hell.... that is scary lol

  3. I'm guessing she's not reading this blog...

    Well, it was her birthday - you know what to get her now!

  4. My heart started racing the minute I started reading about you and all of your kids out in the middle of the terrifying sea. I'm the same kind of mother.

    By the way...I hope your mom never reads this post. You may be disowned ;)

  5. Best. Fucking. Post. EVER!!!

    Because I might be your only bloggy friend that can truly appreciate the beauty (pun) and genius of pubes.

    Pubes gone wild.

    That's pure awesome right there.

  6. I was going to say so what until I realized it would expose my European heritage. :D

  7. Perhaps she was attempting to smuggle a squirrel?

  8. I totally needed a laugh. I also needed a reminder to shave. Thank you.

  9. I think those of us who are European and over 40 need more precise information to understand the problem lol..

  10. Just what I needed! Thanks for that! Yikes!

  11. You're blogging about grandmom pubes?!?!?!! I bow at your genius.

    This is, without question, going to go down as the greatest vacation story EVER!

  12. Oh, man! If we both weren't married with kids, I'd ask you to run away with me to live in a rum-filled casa. As it is, anyone who blogs about their Momma's pubes is beyind awe-inspiring. You need to mKe this inti a meme now, a Mom Pube Blogger Meme.

  13. I'm assuming your Mom isn't even aware that you HAVE a blog lol!

  14. Thank God you didn't include a photo of your Mom! She'd be recognised for sure after this! Lol

  15. I'm with Blue Sky on this!! Lol... I did get such a laugh! I really hope your mom doesn't read this.. it'll be more than forgetting birthdays that you'll be in trouble for!!

    Scary about the boat bit... eeek!

    xx Jazzy

  16. Funny! Full Bush Huh?? I bet your mom appreciates you sharing that with us. I hope she does not read your blog.

  17. Holy crap on a cracker! What a completely unexpected and wonderfully funny post to read. Probably not to experience, but funny to read. :-)

  18. The boat part? I know what you mean! AHHHH! Glad that's for your mom...umm..well the picture in my head (thanks very much) is of her being naked..and I think "why is she naked on the beach?" and then I think maybe it was just a new style of bathing know the "bush look"...and then I think you can get her some ornaments at Christmas to hang on it..and have me thinking way too much. :0

  19. LMHO.....Oh dear the visuals. So glad I don't know what your Mom looks like.
    You REALLY crack me up. xx :)

  20. I am now trying so hard not to think about it and of course all I can do is think about it. spite of myself I just have to clarify here....was she, in fact, naked, or was it so bad that it was creeping out from whatever she was wearing? And even as I'm typing, I'm not sure that I want the answer. Either way, SORRY.

  21. Why? Why would you do this to us? I hope all the fountains break where you live.

  22. Thanks. That's all I can say. The visual is holding me hostage.

  23. OMG! I just LOVE IT! (I can't talk or laugh for two weeks on Monday, so this just gave me my last laugh!) the surgeons going to be annoyed with me for sure (It's an op on my vocal cords) and when he asks how I've strained them, I'm not sure what to say, apart from, a blog I follow was describing her mother's WILD pubic hair! which will make me roar with laughter all over again!

    Ok and AllieF has me thinking the same thing, lol!

    And see you could have got her a razor from the general store or some DUCK TAPE lol!



  24. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! I mean, how do you even bring that subject up for discussion? "Hey Mom..." There's no way to segue into that, is there?

    But at least you were at the beach!

  25. Just so everyone knows--MY MOM DOES NOT READ THIS BLOG. I have a separate Word Press Four Sea Stars account so if she ever does find this site I can have it shut down and put on the back shelf faster than you can say "A dingo ate my baby!"

    And I will blame all of this on my twin sister, Flannery, Grace and Karen V.


Comments make me all squishy but remember to be nice. If you're not nice then what you said goes *poof.* There's your warning.