|Blind Pass, Sanibel|
This year I actually remembered the day before while we were out getting groceries. Let me rephrase that. My husband got a FaceBook reminder that it was her birthday.
There I was, scrounging for a birthday present at the general store. They had nothing unless I was going to give her eggs, milk, sunscreen or bug spray. I settled for a pre-made cake and called it a day.
I took the kids out and drew pretty things in the sand for her and she was happy.
Then I almost forgot Father's day. Let me rephrase that. I did forget Father's day. Totally. I remembered it, only after my husband dropped me off at Blind Pass to go shelling at 6:00AM. About an hour later, I was knee deep in water going for a shell and the thought brought me from a full stoop to upright in less than one tenth of a second.
I called him and he said not to worry. I married a good man.
We took a boat out to explore and I tell you that little bit of information to tell you this. I have never been so petrified in my entire life. I don't know what it was, but having all three kids on a boat, in open water, scared the hell out of me. The only way to describe it was I had this horrible feeling that if anything went wrong I couldn't save all my kids and I'd be forced to choose. And I could not come up with an answer.
I was never so happy to have my feet touch solid ground, grab all my kids and get off that damn boat.
Anyway, back to the blessing and bane bit about my mom. There we were out on the beach talking to I don't remember and she has Gracie at her legs. You know where I'm going with this, right? Right??
I start to play with Gracie and since she's at my mom's nether regions. I can help but see. It's not like I was going in for a quick peek or anything, Gracie's about mid-rift height. There, right in front of my face, and behind my little girl: Full Bush.
Full Bush. People, my mom had not shaved her bits in years.
Years, people, years. Uggghhhh.....
Who walks out of the house like that?!? Before you answer that, I already know. MY MOM.
I was mortified. There she was, yammering on, Gracie's making a fuss and people are looking right at it. She was clueless and just yammering away.
We're talking full bush. Monkey's at the zoo have less hair. Pube's Gone Wild. Granola. Tree hugging, save the planet a razor style.
And that's the bad visual I'm leaving you with today.
Now try getting that seared out of the back of your retina's.