Monday, October 3, 2011

I've come back from the dead.

My husband tells me I'm over the worst of things and I should be feeling better soon.  He has it on good authority that I'm on the mend because after coming downstairs yesterday I exclaimed, "Lord, this place looks like a dump," and immediately started to clean up.

And then almost passed out from the exertion.

I feel like an animal in a zoo relocation project that's been tranquilized in the ass and am just now beginning to wake up, wondering where in the hell the last week went.  I have no idea.  I am still foggy.  I guess I was that sick.

I can tell you:
  • There is a horrible smell coming from my garbage can.  I have no idea what it is. 
  • My kids ate pretty much whatever they wanted for the past seven days.  And that included Cheese Balls for breakfast, lunch and dinner.  
  • Orange juice spilled on the floor does not just "wipe up" after a week.
  • My bed sheets should be soaked and sanitized in bleach or thrown out.
  • A head-rush is not nearly as fun when you are sick and standing at the top of the stairs.  It was much better when you were drunk and twenty years younger.
  • There is really nothing on tv at three in the morning.
  • There is even less on tv at four in the morning.
  • When sick, I stop shaving even though the hair on my body continues to grow.
  • The elixir that works best for knocking my ass out is a dose of Tylenol PM with Robitussin followed by an Ibuprofen chaser.
  • I may be in liver and renal failure from all the drugs.  It could go either way right now and was worth the risk.
  • There are two wall patches next to the toilet in my bathroom from the previous owners I never noticed until the other night at three in the morning.
  • And that circle-ring on your butt from sitting on the toilet lasts a lot longer than you think.  Don't ask.  

While I'm trying to clean and figure out what all I missed last week I'll leave you with some pictures of the kids from when we went to the zoo over the summer.  I actually have 9:00 written on the calender and I have no idea what it means.  Do I have to be somewhere at 9:00 or is someone coming over?  I just don't know....

Even thought they got me sicker than a dog, I'll still keep them.

PS--can you guys do me a favor and if you can't leave a comment shoot me an e-mail?  I'm trying to figure out how widespread the problem is....thanks!


  1. Sadness! I hope you really start feeling better soon.

  2. Slowly getting over this myself.
    We may need to go to detox together. :-)

    I find HGTV or a Cheers Marathon and I Love Lucy at those hours are my best bets.

    I hope you feel better soon. I have come out of the fog and am slowly regaining strength but this friggin' cough makes me sound like I smoke a few packs a day for the last 25 yrs. (never have I smoked. hell only vice I don't have)

  3. I hope the circle-ring has completely subsided, and that whatever was supposed to happen at 9:00 happened...and was a good thing!

  4. I have been struggling with a similar thing for 3 weeks now. Soon be into week 4. I cough like an old man and you'd think I smoked 90 a day. The head rush stops if you sit down, any excuse to do nothing and the dodgy tummy last the whole time.

    In fairness, I should be skinny after all that but NO! God damn an blast :(

  5. I've been sick, too. Some nasty bugs this year. Hope you're feeling better!!

  6. trying to comment- first try was a bust, how bout this...

  7. ahhh cool. It's working. And I'm public- and no longer privately stalking you. This is your sister.

    Hope you had time on the loo to source a plasterer to fix the spots from the previous owner. Any house that has it's own gym should NOT have spots on the b- room wall indicating anyone else but you has been there- just sayin.

    Hope your feeling better! Cuddles to Gracie and her scratch. xxxxx

  8. @John and Allie--I'm feeling better!! YAY!!

    @Peg--I know!! I sound like I'm coughing up a lung and I've smoked since I was two. I'll do detox if it involves sitting on a beach and Ricardo brings us drinks. That'd detox, right?

    @Andrea--9:00 came and went. I haven't a clue!

    @lyndylou--I know!!! I should be like a size ZERO by now but oh noooo.

    @Broot--you too!

    @Ness-bout goddammed time you showed up. you're late.

  9. You weren't supposed to get sick, I was! You better start gobbling up those vitamins Shellin Sista!

  10. Oh being sick like that is the worst and being a mom and being sick is totally insane. Someone told me once that while they were sick they just opened a jar of peanut butter, put spoons in it and called it dinner for three days straight.

  11. Lizbeth, I couldn't even laugh at this, as I've been made SO ILL by my little pestilence people, that it left me weak and unable to breathe properly for weeks in the past. Blech. How's your son doing?

    Glad you feel better!

  12. Oh no, what a rough time you had! Hope you are feeling better!

  13. Yeeaahh...Ted was a total salad shooter on Sunday. Thankfully, I "only" have horrible post-nasal drip that gags me to the point of blacking out ALL. DAY. LONG.

    I think Jesus hates me.

  14. so Glad that you are feeling better, I'm sorry but your posts should be published in a book, I just love your sense of humour.

    I have to say that the butt ring was my favourite part! (roar of laughter!)



  15. What problem? Me? Am I the problem? I feel so terrible about the problem!

    It's been one of those days...

    I am glad that you are on the mend!

  16. Where the hell were you at 9:00?! I was waiting. George Clooney left at 10 and Brad waited a little longer but finally gave up and said he was going back to Angie since you flaked!

    Butt ring is a bitch. And having to be there long enough to actually post about it? Must be ten times worse!

    (PS- I may be able to comment but now the pictures aren't showing up!)

    Glad you are back! ;)

  17. Glad you are finally feeling better!!

    Don't know why you were up at 3am if you took all those meds, I would have been in a nice little coma.

    Now, get your haz-mat suit on and get to decontaminating the house. Good luck, and god speed!

  18. @My Sehlling Sistah--I'm taking those vitamins and don't worry I'm getting better and will be able to beat you off with my net in no time flat. It'll take a heck of a lot more than that to miss some shells!!!!!

    @Jessica--I wish I'd know that a few days ago...peanut butter is way better than cheese balls. :)

    @karensomethingorother--went to MD today--lungs and O2 sats are normal. WHEW!!!

    @Shell--on the mend!

    @Kelly--that continual snot is the worst.

    @NJAMB!--Hahaha! Getting better!

    @Karen--Haha! Don't think I don't know you left with them both. I'm on to you...

  19. Glad you're on the way to feeling better - I hope the tranquilizer dart feeling goes away soon!

  20. Yeah to feeling better. I like your drug combo and am saving the recipe for future reference. While I've been able to pull through that renal failure stage in the past, I'm pretty sure I'll need an early set of dentures from drinking Nyquil bedside and passing out prior to brushing my teeth.

    I'm glad you're keeping your germ gobbers. They're really cute.

  21. You probably got all germed up at the E.R back on September...28th was it? Anyway, I'm glad you're feeling better and back to blogging. :)

  22. I love 'drugs' too, glad they helped. Pity there isn't one you can give to the rest of the family that makes them want to clean up the place...

  23. I'm glad you're feeling better! Mothers shouldn't be allowed to get sick.

  24. I love the pics! Glad you're feeling better! And yeah, we've had the "will it self wipe after X amount of time?" experiment at our house too.. **sigh**

  25. "There is really nothing on tv at three in the morning. There is even less on tv at four in the morning."

    On-Demand means everything is on all the time. Praise to you Lord Xfiniti.

  26. Thanks for posting...nice post. Also, I thought you mom's may be interested in the newest kids craze in my town, Patch Hats! Check out a hat you have never seen before here at


Comments make me all squishy but remember to be nice. If you're not nice then what you said goes *poof.* There's your warning.