We are still on Spring Break. I hope the teachers are yucking it up because when they get back there's going to be hell to pay. The boy's not happy about missing school and has taken to Hanging his teacher and anyone else he can think of. Thank God for parental control is all I can say.
The only thing bringing me some semblance of peace is the fact the kids have Tae Kwon Do camp. Four blissful days from nine till noon where I only have the baby.
But there's been a catch. On the first day Alex and Lizzy both brought home this pleasant little surprise:
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| Seriously, seriously?!? It's so phallic it's wrong. |
Nunchucks.
Yeah, that's right. Frigging nunchucks. Always a fun toy to have around when your kid has no concept of personal space. Add limited gross and fine motor skills and its just bound to go south. Only a matter of time. And since the oldest two have a healthy case of sibling rivalry, they've been beating the shit out of each other since the first day of Camp.
So during Spring Break I may, or may not, have said things like:
"Please guys, don't nunchuck your sister."
"Alex, you have to remember the nunchuck increases the size of your bubble. OUCH. GAWD. FUCK. Those things hurt. Please don't nunchuck me like that."
"Hey honey, hand me a nunchuck. Come on, quick! The neighbors dog just broke the fence and I think I can get him. Come-on, give me a damn nunchuck. Aw frick, he just went back in. Never mind."
"Is that the way Master Lee showed you how to use those things? No, I didn't think so..."
"Please guys, don't nunchuck the windows. They didn't do anything to deserve that kind of treatment."
"Here let mommy try, those things look pretty easy. OUCH. GAWD. FUCK. Those things really hurt."
"For the last time: DO NOT NUNCHUCK YOUR LITTLE SISTER."
"That's it. I've had it. Hand them over. The nunchucks are in time-out."
In that vein, I give you this:
I'll stop there but really, with nunchucks? The possibilities are endless....
Hahahahaha. Can't. Stop. Laughing.
ReplyDeleteI'm guessing those nunchucks are going to be in time out for a very long time.
You have no idea......
DeleteRyan Gosling doesn't do much for me, but that was funny. Still, I can't get past how badly his shirt is clashing with that carpet.
ReplyDeleteHope the bruises heal soon.
I never noticed his shirt and the carpet but now that you mention it, it really is starting to bug me.
DeleteHahaha!
ReplyDeleteActual nunchucks. The fun never stops!
aahahahahahahahahaaaaa. Oh f. Oh effing f. Why haven't I been practicing my kegel's before this? Crappy pelvic floor doesn't hold well when I'm laughing that hard.
ReplyDeleteOMG, the pelvic floor. The bane of all women who have pushed out offspring.
DeleteOh, this gave me the best laugh ever! First off, I vicariously felt your horror over the whole nunchuck thing. Seriously? My house would be in the same state as yours. We'd have Charlotte crying and Tommy and Danny beating the crap out of each other and me. Crap. I don't know how you're managing.
ReplyDeleteBut these posters are AWESOME!
They have gone at it like wild animals. The thing, is they've not done too much damage since Alex can't seem to hit his target. Little blessings, I guess.
DeleteBwahahaha! I soo needed that! You rock, Lizbeth!
ReplyDeleteThat is awesome. I may just print that out for next to my bed.
ReplyDeleteTae Kwon Do will never be the same...
ReplyDeleteThey aren't just phallic they are double-phallic!
ReplyDeleteI KNOW.
DeleteOh dear, I just PMSL. Thanks for that, always nice to be cheered up. And the pics were just a bonus!
ReplyDeleteAnytime Steph, anytime.
DeleteOh my gawd I would have had the exact same reaction seeing my boys walk in with nunchucks! Seriously?! They would have beaten the crap out of each other in 5 minutes flat! Time out defintley warrented.
ReplyDeleteMommy needs to get her own nunchucks for self defense.
ReplyDeleteI need them for something all right.....
DeleteGAH!!!!!
ReplyDelete"take a hard look"
Don't have to ask me twice!!!
AMEN.
DeleteThat's crazy. How exactly do kids get nunchucks? I want a pair of nunchucks too, but my wife says no all the time.
ReplyDeleteSee, that's just it--the Master never asked the mom's---the kids just came home with them. I just looked at him and went, "SERIOUSLY?!?"
DeleteI never thought of doing THAT with my son's nunchucks...
ReplyDeleteWhat's next? Ninja stars?
ReplyDeleteI never thought of that......
DeleteJesus. March break is bad enough--but with nunchucks?!? My stress levels elevated just imagining me in your shoes.
ReplyDeleteHaha!!
DeleteOnce the kids know how to arm themselves, you're fucked. Seriously, get out of the house now. You're gonna have to kiss Ryan goodbye & assume a new identity at the safe house. We'll miss you...
ReplyDeleteI know...that's why I'm headed to Texas right now. Get my room ready.
DeleteTHERE IS NO MORE ROOM!!!!! All I've got left is about 10 square feet of empty space in the garage, and I'm saving it. I'm going to hang up pretty pictures and call it my "sanity corner."
DeleteI love this whole post. I can't believe they brought home f'ing nunchucks
ReplyDeleteI couldn't believe my eyes. I'm all thinking 'Are those Nunchucks?' and then I scroll down and damn if I'm not right. Crazy!!!! But hey, they inspired you to right YET another hilarious post. :)
ReplyDeleteLove ya like a sis. Wanna come over and babysit my nunchuck wielding kids?!?
DeleteHILARIOUS post! Just what I needed! Thanks! :)
ReplyDeleteI think these are my favorites...oh my ; )
ReplyDeleteAnd, I swear to gawd if someone gave my kids nunchucks,I would use them on that person.
ReplyDeleteHahaha!! Love it! We don't do nunchucks our Taekwondo class...thank God. I know 2 someones my guy would love to use them on!!
ReplyDeletexx Jazzy
Nunchucks. Peshaw! Those are for babies. Throwin' stars is where it's at. Jeeeezus. Hope you make it through the rest of the weekend without serious injury. Also, I have had more fun wasting time reading the Ryan Gosling shit. How fun is that!?
ReplyDeleteTotal fun. We sooooo need to connect over the summer. And I never thought of those start thingies. THANK YOU for that.
DeleteBwahahaaaa!! Genius!
ReplyDeleteNunchucks...if only I had those. My son has heard a song about penises somewhere, and enjoys singing it at the top of his lungs. I don't think we can go back to church for a bit.
ReplyDelete*Snort* BWAHAHAHA!
ReplyDelete