Friday, June 22, 2012

I'm a danger to myself...but I can guest post with the best of them. I think.

I'm over at SPD Blogger Network today talking about summertime activities.  Please pop on over and show some love.


Before I sign off, I'll tell you something that happened this past week.....I was putting away our sunscreen other day.  Well, let me rephrase that, I shoved it in a basket, in the garage, to sort out later.  So when later happened, namely around noon the next day, I reached in the basket to get the sunscreen and I got the shit zapped out of my hand.

"OUCH.  GAWD.  FUCK.  What in the hell was that?"  I ripped my hand out of the basket and smashed the shit out of it on the underside of the shelf the basket was sitting on.

"OUCH.  GAWD.  FUCK.  You have got to be kidding me!  What the fuckety-fuck else is going to happen?"  I mumbled as I cradled my limp paw in my other arm.  I was still trying to figure out if I had peed a little bit from whatever tazed me, it shocked me that bad.  My fingers were both on fire and numb at the same time.  Not peasant.

And now the back of my hand hurt.  

Great, just great.

I looked in the basket to find this tennis racket.  Only it wasn't a tennis racket, it was some bug zapper thingie my husband bought and put in the basket of crap.  And it was still turned on.


I got tazed by a fucking bug zapper.

And the back of my hand was really hurting.  My fingertips were getting less numb and tingly but gaw fuck, my hand really hurt.

That is an awesome bit of information right there.  

I looked down and the back of my hand was swelling up.  I smacked my hand so hard on the garage shelf it burst a vessel.  Thanks to my back hurting, I've been on non-steroidals and a glorious side affect?  It thins the blood.  So when I smacked my hand and broke a vessel, it swelled up like a tick.  All this blood was sloshing around on the top of my hand.

I almost threw up.

And that was the point in which I gave up.  I went inside and sat down.  I called my husband, started crying and put ice on my hand.  I managed to elevate it and found an ace bandage and covered it up so I didn't have to look at it.

I guess getting tazed is what it takes to get me to slow down.  

So I'm slowing down.

I should be back on Monday but I make no promises.  I'm going in for some work on my back later today since its not healed up quite as nicely as we would have liked.  

Never in a million years did I think I'd have back pain.  I'm pretty fit, not too fat and don't generally do stupid things.  Wait that last part is a total lie.  I invent stupid things.  And I do them on a regular basis.

Anyway, go and show Pam some love at i Love Shelling if you want to see some pretty shells and me standing upright without a tazed hand and make your way to SPD Blogger Network to see what I have to say about being outside.

Thanks you guys.  Please know I'm doing what I can to survive summer and my kids....and you are a big part of that.

Thank you.

28 comments:

  1. Ouch! I am cradling my hand in extreme sympathy. I hope you feel better soon! Off to check SPDBN!

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  2. holy hell! A handheld bug zapper? Do. . . do they SELL those? In STORES?? To. . . to PEOPLE??

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    1. I KNOW!!! Lets just say my husband still feels like shit....

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  3. OUCH!!!! are we related???? I am an accident waiting to happen :)

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    1. Gaw, I fear for my own safety sometimes. I'm glad I'm not alone. I think I may pull out my neighbors football helmet and walk around the house in it. I'm THAT bad.....

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  4. Why would your husband put a bug zapper, that was still turned ON, in a basket in the garage? I mean, it's almost like he set you up on purpose.

    You know what this means, right? Hubs is on permanent garage clean-up duty. Tell him I said so.

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  5. Holy cow, I would have beat my husband with aforementioned zapper. Bless your heart momma you need a spa day just because of all that, followed by serious pampering at home.. ahem just saying.

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  6. Ouch! Holy shit I can't fathom that pain. Just think what this does to a little bug. Wow.
    Now Lizbeth with your good arm, take a swing at your husband for leaving that on and throwing it in the basket! That should make you feel a bit better.

    Take it easy with the back. I have back issues. Weight doesn't dictate this sadly. I know a doctor who herniated his disc by sneezing. Talk about a WTF moment!
    I hope you get some real relief soon!
    Sending ((cyber hugs)) your way ....along with medical marijuana...tee hee

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  7. Those bug zappers are totally cool for our mosquito ridden paradise of a back yard, but yeah, they can zing you pretty good. It might not have been so bad if you hadn't smacked your hand after, but damn... This story sounded so much like me I giggled and winced and felt the pain...my personal thing is having the perpetual migraines, but I hear ya on chronic pain of any kind. Slow down! Take it easy! Be good to yourself! Take my advice, I am not using it ;).

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  8. Shoo- black cloud!! Get away from Lizbeth? Who put the hex on you woman?! OUCH! I took a good look at that bug zapper - that grid on there looks like power lines for our electric company! What kind of bugs do you have out there?!?

    I'm thinking hubs owes you another trip this time to the Bahamas, Hawaii... etc. What's wrong with adding a conch to the collection? (you know -you could make these demands while holding the zapper. Better yet- if you just wanna get rid of it, I'll send you my address -there's a husband out here that needs a good swat but I'm not naming names). ;)

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  9. Um, I think your plane trip out was enough stress to zap your back on its own. And WTH with the bug zapper left on like that? Hope you're resting now and staying in slo-mo.

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  10. Ouch! My hand hurts in sympathy for you! My advice is stay away from power tools, hedge clippers, mixers and anything with sharp parts or electrical current. At least until the kids start back to school. The brain can only handle so much at time. I generally stay away from hedge clippers and stand mixers (the kitchenaide kind) . They can be very painful too.

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  11. I recommend giving your husband a whack on the behind with the zapper. Then he'll be more careful.

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  12. I'd like one of those tasers. It could prove really useful when Time Out isn't working. Or the queue at the supermarket is a little too long. XXX

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  13. You are having some shit-ay luck my friend.

    Yeaahhhh, so once I intentionally stuck my hand in the bug zapper walking out of the grocery store because I wanted to see what those purple lights would feel like if I touched them. I also put the end of a plugged in electrical adapter to my tongue to see what that would feel like too. At least you can say your incidents were an accident.

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  14. Oh I'm so glad I didn't read the sloshy blood bit while I was eating dinner. Hope it's stopped sloshing now, sounds really horrible xx

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  15. You know, it's just as funny the 2nd time reading it, and only because it's not my story that I'm reading because that would so be me. I'm guessing your husband is pretty lucky you love him. If he's smart, he'll also do the cooking for awhile to make sure you don't slip anything "special" in his food for that one.

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  16. We found one of those in our shed when we moved. Yeah...I'm gonna go hide that thing.

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  17. Yikes. That sounds really bad. :( I hope your hand and back get better soon. **hugs** You totally deserve the break. And your hubby's lucky your such a great person! Guys have been... uh.... neutralized for a lot less!

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  18. Sounds like you need a good rest for the rest of the summer.
    Hope you feel better.

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  19. That completely sucks! I am so sorry that happened to you. I hope you feel better soon.

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  20. Wait, so when you aren't tazing yourself, is the idea that you just gently wave that zapper around to kill insects in its path? Obviously you wouldn't swat the ones on yourself? Fascinating. So sorry about your back pain...yuck!

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  21. Oh my God -- what the HELL *IS* that thing?! A tennis racket bug zapper?! That is freaking evil!

    I'm sorry about it all, Lizbeth -- I really am. The back, the bug zapper, the fact that we still have like, a million freaking weeks of summer left. Hang in there. OK?

    Hugs.

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  22. I want that bug zapper. I know someone who needs it...under their ass. Wait--did I say that out loud?

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  23. Oh, crap, I hope you feel better soon. And that bug zapper is a menace.

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  24. Is the padded cell starting to sound like a welcome relief? I didn't even know bug zappers were made anymore. I'm starting to worry that I'm going to see your husband interviewed by Keith Morrison on Dateline.

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  25. OH NO LIZBETH! I too have reached the point of can't take it anymore. I didn't put in my post (or create a post yet either), about how in a week or so I have to reveal to Jack that I've put him in a five day, 9-3:30 day camp courtesy of Autism Ontario. I'm absolutely ill as I anticipate how to tell him.

    In other news, I'm sorry that stupid racket ruined you! I was GOING TO SAY that I wish I'd had one of those in suburban hell, where our back yard was plagued by wasps.

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Comments make me all squishy but remember to be nice. If you're not nice then what you said goes *poof.* There's your warning.