Friday, June 1, 2012

I'll take a stint in the Sanibel slammer.

Today's Friday.  I know I'm stating the obvious but there it is.  This is the day we play around with Ryan Gosling like we're married to him and it's all good.  Not at all like that nutter Cody and his four wives over on TLC.  That dude and his family make me look like a model citizen.

Seriously Cody? Get a haircut.  I don't know how they all willingly bang you but they do.

Anyway, please go over and see Sunday at Adventures in Extreme Parenthood and visit the other blogs joining in today and don't forget to wear your Poise.  I promise you will piss your pants.


So what you don't know is that we will be working our way towards Sanibel tomorrow.  I may or may not go silent for a good two weeks.  It really depends on the Internet connection, whether or not my kids will let me have a few minutes of alone time (on the toilet) with the i-Pad and if anything blog-worthy happens.

If it's like the last few times we've been to Sanibel, then I suspect we'll be harassing the TSA agents in no time flat.  If you don't think we have a good time go here and click on all the "here" links within that post.  You will soon realize how lucky you are not to be me while on vacation.

That and because I saved a robin's nest while trimming the shrubs, my back is still hurting like a mother and I'm on a number of high quality pain killers.  The upside is, I don't give a shit what happens,what we pack or if I wind up sitting in a jail cell for taunting the TSA.

I call it better living through Chemistry.  My husband calls it the quietest the house has been in months.

Whatever.

Oh the joys of travel, back pain, and three kids...


Here's the catch though, I'll be relying on you guys.  See, if I don't check-in on Facebook or make myself know in some fashion, I'd like bail money sent to my PayPal account by Tuesday.

Oh fuck it, who am I kidding?  If I'm in jail it may be the first time in ten years I get eight hours of uninterrupted sleep, I get to lay flat on my back without having sex and I generally can sit motionless for vast stretches of time excluding the cavity search which I may, just may, enjoy.

I take it all back.  A short stint in the slammer may be just what I need....


Note:  I do not have a PayPal account, I just made that up.  And yes, I'm totally drugged right now.  Can you tell?  


Like I've done on past trips, feel free to go wild in the comments or on Facebook: Four Sea Stars.  Let everyone know I have herpes and went to seek help or something like that.  I know you'll come up with something good, I have faith. 

54 comments:

  1. You really did not just tempt me to spread things on your Facebook...

    Have a great time. The vacation/pain meds combo is just what you need after this school year.

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    1. Go for it, spread it like VD. And I wish you could come with....

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  2. Have fun and try not to get in too much trouble ;)

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    1. Hahaha!! Try not to get into trouble---I think you just jinxed me....

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  3. 3 hots and a cot, and uninterrupted sleep! I may join you :)Have a great time!!!!

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    1. Sure, but I get the bottom bunk. My back hurts too much to climb to the top.

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  4. Hooray for Sanibel! Have a great time, my friend!

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  5. Lizbeth sharing is a nice thing to do with your friends.
    I have a plethora of reasons why I need some good quality medication right now. Ah shit, don't make me explain just send 'em over....PLEEEEESSSEE!!!
    Don't let your girl down. :-(

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    Replies
    1. I can do that---share the meds that is, the girl stays up.

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  6. you lucky girl you! You're going away again! Have a wonderful time, and send some photies.

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    1. I will send pics of the inside of the jail cell. Maybe document the booking process....

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  7. What should I do to get arrested?! I know I'm not going to Sanibel, but all that jail time sounds good... and no worries, leave it to your friends to keep those special comments coming on your social media while you're gone...;)

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    1. I know you will do me proud... :)

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  8. Have a good time. Don't worry, I'm sure we'll all think of ways to talk about you on Facebook while you're gone!!

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    Replies
    1. Yeah, I give you guys so much fodder. It's almost too easy!!!

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  9. Have a wonderful time!! And, um, you had me at 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep...sign me up for that prison thing...

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  10. At least you'll be relaxed for the flight. I'm picturing Kristen Wiig in Bridesmaids. Or something like that.

    Have a great time.

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    Replies
    1. Hahah!! I almost snorted, I have a feeling that's pretty damn close.

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  11. With the vacation/pain meds combo, you can't help but have a GREAT time! Just hope you make it past TSA without going to jail. Have fun!

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  12. Yeah, I say that about the hospital. I would have to stay in bed for hours...not allowed to do housework or shopping...someone else watching the kids...check me in. The damn therapy sessions would be the only drawback. Oh well, at least the in-laws are taking the Monkey for a week before we join him. I should have time for a shower almost every day! Ah the life. Enjoy your vacation :)

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    1. Ohhhh, a nice, long hot shower. I'm jealous. I'm trying to type this listening to Scooby Do and the baby at my feet. Good times...

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  13. You actually make me want to go out and get arrested. Sounds good to me!

    Hope you have a blast. I'll try to think of something entertaining to spread on FB!

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  14. Enjoy your vacation! And if Ryan was really meeting you in Senibel - I would be on the next plane down ;)

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  15. '..if anything blog-worthy happens'

    All kinds of blog worthy things can happen on the toilet. Take pictures!

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    1. I know, I mean who are we talking about here?!? Alex is already looking up the types of bombs NOT to bring on a plane, you know, for educational purposes....

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  16. Oh get away with yourself and have a wonderful time! Forget about facebook, blogging etc. It'll be all here when you get back!!
    Hope your back is better soon and make sure you don't drop the iPad down the toilet!!

    xx Jazzy

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  17. LOrd! LOL . Don't go to jail. (my sick mind was thinking, who are you kidding? Of course you'll be haing unwanted sex in jail.... ew!)

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    1. I NEVER THOUGHT OF THAT!!! Ewwwww!!!

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  18. Have a great vacation, all of you! Sounds like we are both at the ends of ropes--no rest for the wicked, I guess. I hope that you get to indulge yourself a little in Sanibel, painkillers and all.

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    1. I think pain killers and a glass of wine should knock my ass flat out. And I wish you could come.

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  19. Hysterical.

    Enjoy Sanibel. I spent a week on Captiva and it was heavenly. Even though Ryan wasn't there.

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    Replies
    1. We'll be there too. I love that place.

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  20. That Cody makes me want to change my dog's name to something other than Cody!

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    1. Next time you see your dog tell him/her, "I'm sorry."

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  21. I'll share my xanax and flask prepared for my vacation with you, though not sure how well that mixes with pain killers.... Seriously, enjoy it you deserve a good vacation!

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    1. Who cares how they mix! As long as I have a giggle on I don't care!

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  22. I think the pain meds must be better on your side of the pond! Float on in Sanibel xxx

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    Replies
    1. Lovely---to float on into Sanibel.

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  23. Enjoy your vacay! Also enjoy the free feeling on meds. ;)

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  24. Ryan loves junkie you! Have fun where ever it is you're going! (Geography's hard!)

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    1. Thanks!!! Florida, does that help??? :)

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  25. I caught myself thinking that a couple weeks ago too...gee, prison wouldn't be all that bad if I could be guaranteed a roomie who wasn't a psycho and didn't snore.

    Wanna go to prison together?

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    1. I don't snore so its a deal. And I'm not sure if I'm a psychopath. I mean I don't kill small animals and light them on fire so I guess I'm ok...

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  26. *snort* Lie flat on your back without having sex. BWAHAHAHA! What's THAT like?! I would love to know.

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  27. OMFG!! This was freaking hysterical! I'm sorry for your back, but hope you're enjoying the vacation/med time!

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  28. Your posts are hilarious, but I've gotta say, you're even funnier when you're all drugged up. ;)

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  29. Sounds like you're having a whole lot more fun than not stoned face me.

    Enjoy, because you can.

    And I've always wanted to go Sanibel Island.

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  30. Girl, I love your posts!!!! LOVE them....you crack me up seriously. Cant wait to see your vacay pics. Love me some Sanibel Island

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  31. I went back and read everyone of your vacation posts from last year again. I wonder if the streaker is still there. Or if there actually is a lagoon over that ridge. Lol.

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