Wednesday, July 11, 2012

He hit the mother-load.

After a long day of therapies, my son looked at me and said, "Mom, I hit the mother-load of special needs, didn't I?"

My heart dropped to my knees.

We were in the car and I couldn't see his face as clearly as I wanted to (damn you stupid rear-view mirror) and I had no idea where he was going with this.  I said the first thing that came to mind, "Whaaaat???"

"I hit the mother-load of special needs.  I have to go to OT, Speech, I saw Dr. B today and we just now came from Group.  And when I'm at school, I have Friendship Group, Gifted and I go and see my other teachers.  And I have asthma.  I just hit the mother-load of problems."

I still wasn't sure where he was going with this.  We've talked before about how he's different and how everyone's different.  That if we were all the same, it would be pretty boring and we all know how much we like being bored.  We've had these conversations and he's uncomfortable.

He knows he's different.

He struggles with knowing what other boys are doing and how most of the time he gets excluded or he just doesn't get it.  He wants to have friends, hell a friend, but everything just moves too quickly and he becomes lost.  Overwhelmed, and eventually on the periphery.  He hurts and my heart aches for him.  

He looked at me in the mirror, with a little smile, and said, "Well, if we were all the same how would I beat you in Monopoly?  I guess my mother-load isn't so bad.  You stink at that game.  You want to play when we get home?"  

"Yeah, sugar-bug.  I sure would."

And that's exactly what we did.

35 comments:

  1. I have a feeling that in a couple of years he might just be catching up and making some friends. He just sounds like he's too smart for his own good! Or too smart for your own good, at least at Monopoly!

    All this work you're doing now will pay off later, just you wait and see.

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    1. I agree 100% with this. Also, I love his positive attitude! Just that will make life so much easier for him in the long run, never mind his intelligence and all the support he gets from you guys.

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    2. Thanks guys, it was close there for a minute....

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  2. awww. . . that's sweet and sad. Keep on losin' that monopoly, mom.

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    1. That's the thing, I'm trying to win!!! I hate monopoly.

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  3. This was such a sweet post! Don't worry, he will find his way. Just keep doing what you're doing. I never thought my son had any friends in elementary school even though we tried to encourage him and even took him to W, a "friend's" baseball game when he was in 2nd grade to try to encourage them to be friends. He never seemed to be interested then in middle school he started talking about "friends" by name, even that one little boy W that I didn't think he ever talked too. He even started correcting me when I told him he should make friends and say "Mom, I HAVE friends!" Now he and W are at the same college and will be sharing an apt next Fall. My son still has serious social issues but his real friends seem to tolerate him. :)

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    1. That made me smile. I try not to push him too much and try to let him figure out who the OK kids are. I just hate to see him struggle....

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  4. I am so terrified to have that conversation with Little Miss. I know that someday I will, and I can only hope that I handle it as perfectly as you. Good job, mama. That is EXACTLY why God gave this amazing kid to you!

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    1. Yeah, I almost ran us into oncoming traffic for a minute there....

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  5. Aww, that's so sweet. Once my daughter asked me if it would be easier to walk when she got bigger, and it broke my heart. I didn't expect those conversations to begin when she was only 3.

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    1. Oh God.....they pick up on things soooo early.

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  6. Wow. That one hit me hard.
    But I love that he was able to express it to you. And I love that he's figured out that his mother-lode translates to mad skills. And those mad skills will grow. Right now he's kicking your ass in monopoly. Next, he'll create the most incredible new iPad app and makes a bazillion dollars. And he'll remember this moment as the one when you empowered him and validated him.

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    1. I hope so and then we can go live in our commune together all sister-wife like.

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  7. What a sweet little trooper.

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  8. Wow. You have a great kid there. It sounds like he was trying to make you feel better!

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  9. That's awesome. It sounds a lot like my son too. Although, I don't think my son thinks that he's different from other kids. Atleast not yet anyway.

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  10. It sounds more and more like he has so many interests just waiting for the right person to share them with for a grand friendship!

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  11. I want to hug him!
    This was a beautiful post.

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  12. And you hit on the mother lode (I'm SORRY, I'm a grammar mean girl and I can't just type it wrong too to be nice) of special needs parenting. We work so hard to engage them and make them socially aware - and then, when they are, this happens... Would we rather they live in ignorant bliss or become socially conscious of their differences. I've had a few doozies myself:

    "Why do I always lose at tag?"
    "I'd rather just cut my arm off than go OT again."

    But..what doesn't kill us makes us stronger? Right? RIGHT????

    Have I told you lately that I love you? Because I so very much do.

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  13. I am so in love with your sweet boy. I know sometimes it's tough, but seriously, that is one heck of an awesome kid you got.

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  14. Sometimes kids can be much more aware than you think they can.

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  15. I love that he was able to express that to you. That's such a huge thing! I also love that he can see the upside to his differentness---you helped him with that, you know that, right?? Hope you both enjoyed playing Monopoly.

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  16. Oh, that sweet boy! May he continue to kick your ass at all sorts of things!

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  17. He could easily kick my butt at Monopoly too but don't let him know that okay?;)

    You know Toots has the exact same stuff going on but he's not reflecting on it at all yet. So, there is an awareness and reasoning and thought that makes ME - all the way over here - not blood related - proud of Alex- so, I can just imagine, as your mama how proud YOU are. There are so many ways that he manifests that he will grow into an independent, brilliant young adult. How many friends do you still see regularly that you knew when you were 7-8 years old? Being different does not mean he is or will be lonely - it means that those who are close to him will be the real deal and worth more than a lot of fleeting friendships based on sameness. xoxo

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    1. Got my own pronouns confused as his mama not your mama - that would be confusing...

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  18. I am dreading this conversation too, but I am so glad that he can express his feelings and see that it
    can be a blessing too.

    You are doing great and he is lucky to have scored such a great mom too.

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  19. where do kids learn these things?!? It never ceases to amaze me. Poor kid. Jack is still pretty clueless when it comes to self...at this point at least.

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  20. That is one awesome kid you are raising.Hugs to you both.

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  21. Ah, sad, but I love how he decided to look at the glass half full at the end. Even at your expense...you stinky Monopoly player you. ;)

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  22. He seems to have a pretty good perspective on it. Still, it sure makes you hurt doesn't it? Sadly, those moments are going to be there forever. :(

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  23. Self awareness is hard but it is what makes us grow...so hugs to you both.

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