Friday, August 24, 2012

That poor juice box didn't stand a chance.

So the other day after school we were driving and I gave Alex a juice box.  This has been our first week of school and I've unloaded our calender.  I've cancelled everything except one activity so that he can come home and decompress.  School's hard on any kid, add Autism and lets just say this week's been a bit stressful.

Today was the day he completely freaked out.  Self combusted, lost his lid, whatever.  He melted down over a frigging juice box.  In the car.

From the back seat I hear all sorts of sputtering and gagging.  Oh Shit.

Apparently I had the wrong kind of juice box.  I deviated from our normal brand of juice and he noticed.  Fuuuuuuck.

"Mom, MOM!!!  I can not drink from this juice box.  I simply can not ingest juice that is 66% juice and 34% inert material."  He's in the back seat of the car, holding on to the offending juice box, flapping and gagging.  Juice going everywhere.

"OK, well hon I'm trying to drive here.  Just put the juice box down and I'll take a look at it when we get out.  Listen.  Listen to me.  ALEX, listen.  I need you to listen with your ears."

I get an exasperated, "What?" from the back seat and a, "No, mom, NO.  I can not simply put the box down.  We're in the car.  Where am I supposed to put it?  I don't want it near me.  I can't have it near me.  I drank some of it.  Mom, I think I'm gonna to puke."

Now if you want to get my attention fast, say those three magic words, I'm gonna puke.  Nothing gets a reaction out of me faster.  There are very few things in this world I well and truly despise and puke is one of them.

"OK, get the bucket if you have to but I tell you what.  I'm not cleaning your puke this time.  New rule.  If you make yourself puke, you clean it."  If I had a dime for the number of times I've cleaned puke in our car, house, pool, where ever, I'd be a bloody millionaire by now.  Or if Alex did the math, I'd have at least, $31.20.  Whatever.

We have an old bucket/Tupperware container in the back seat for this very reason. We moved from a bucket to Tupperware because of the lid factor.  If you've ever sat in a car with puke, you'll know how vital a lid can be.  Trust me.  

Exhibit A.  

"What?!?  I can't clean my own puke.  Mom, THAT'S DISGUSTING!"

"Oh yeah?!?  Well how do you think I feel every time you puke?  Do you think I like cleaning your puke?  No, I most certainly do not.  I think it's disgusting too."

"Well, if I can't puke, now what?  I drank it, I may die. Now what?  I'M GONNA DIE."  He's writhing in the back seat, I'm watching juice fly everywhere, still trying to drive, and thanking Good God All Mighty that the straps on his car seat are holding.

"No, you are not going to die.  No one has ever died from drinking juice.  If people died from drinking juice, don't you think the juice industry would be out of business by now?"

That got him, totally got him off of thinking about his juice induced death, he was thinking, thinking.  And he was calming down.  Just that quickly, he'd calmed back down.

"Well,  Mom.  People can die from drinking water, you know.  There is something called 'water intoxication' and people die from drinking too much water."  He's telling me this, juice forgotten.  Sure, he's flicking his wrists and still worked up, but he was coming back.

From the rear view mirror, I can see the juice has been launched to the floor of the car.  He was looking out the window, still thinking.  Quiet.

The rest of the ride was in silence.  I turned off the DVD player and we just drove.  I kept looking back at him.  He was deep in thought and I just let him be.

When we got to where we were going, Alex asked, "Mom, when we get to group, can I throw the juice in the garbage can?  And next time?  You need to remember the right kind of juice box.  I'm very disappointed in you right now."

Juice box, you are dead to me.  

I watched as the threw the juice into the garbage.  I gave him a squeeze and whispered,  "I promise to buy the right kind of juice next time.  And I'm proud of you, you didn't puke."

He gave me a sigh, a big exasperated sigh, and just that quickly he wiggled away from me.

Don't worry, there's no way in hell I'm going to be buying the wrong kind of juice box any time soon.  Anyone want a case of Fruitopia?

36 comments:

  1. Oh my god I love this post so much *I* could puke. But I won't.

    Alex is a great kid. Wow.

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    1. Thanks and yeah, keep that puke where it belongs.

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  2. What a fabulous return from the edge of vomitosis!

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  3. Tupperware with lid - vital! Picture of Tupperware looking like it has puke on it?! Is that puke? Reading on my phone - bad eyes- hoping it is not but feeling like this may just keep me from eating and make my goal for weigh in at WW tomorrow!! Thanks Alex!

    I've threatened self cleaning too- seems pretty effective. But your understanding of the juice box business - that was gold right there!

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    1. No, that tupperware had spaghetti in it at one time and turned the whole thing that reddish color...but it does kinda look like puke now that you mention it....hahaha!

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  4. Way to call on the juice industry. Well played, well played.

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  5. Nice to read about Alex's story.Amazing kid!

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  6. Nice holding it together Alex (and mom)! I don't blame him though. I hate when people switch up my brands.

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    1. I do too!!! You know there is nothing worse than those fake poptarts. Gotta have the original. :)

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  7. "mom, I'm very disappointed in you" <--- LOVE IT. I'm actually *still* giggling. God, Alex. What a kid!

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  8. "And next time? You need to remember the right kind of juice box. I'm very disappointed in you right now."
    Love this. Stop trying to kill him with 34% inert material!
    You are too cool. Love it.

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    1. Hahaha!!! I did about die when he use the word inert. I was still trying to figure out the math.

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  9. Why haven't I thought of a tupperware with a lid yet? That is brilliant.

    I also love that he was disappointed in you. Mini Meerkat has taken to telling me that I need to calm down when I'm trying to get her to do something she doesn't want to do. Haha.

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    1. Oh yeah and use your oldest and nastiest tupperware so it can go right into the rubbish bin.

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  10. Good job in redirecting Alex's thinking Liz. And I hate it when Jacob pukes in a car. He never tries to puke in a bag or container, he usually just pukes on himself. So every time we go on a trip, we have to bring extra clothes and Shannie sits in the back with him. Oddly enough, my son tried Fruitopia yesterday for the first time. And luckily he didn't puke.

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    1. You know, this was 8 years, 8 long years, in the making. He used to puke all over himself and the majority of times he still does but this time I caught him before he self-induced. If he's really sick though? Still lands where ever he is standing.

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  11. Tell your kid that I'm 98% positive that my body is comprised of 78% inert material. The rest is water and dead skin cells.

    Natural consequences, that's what it's all about. I don't clean up jack crap now. Not that it's easy, spending 20 minutes telling my kid to clean up something correctly, but I sure as hell am not doing it.

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  12. Wow! He brought himself back from the brink! That is great! Plus, no puke--ALWAYS a bonus.

    I have not had to deal with puke in the car yet, but I am dreading the day...

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  13. I am always so blown away by the things Alex says, water intoxication. God that made me laugh. But what I find interesting is that most people, grown ass adults, don't know about water intoxication let alone a little guy. What a smart cookie. you have your hands full for more than autism my friend.
    A very smart kid and a tired mom - not always a good combo is it?
    But I enjoy the hell out of it Lizbeth!

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  14. Peggy beat me to the comment about his comment about water intoxication. Smart kid.

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  15. Hahaahaha Still laughing at the cleaning up puke is disgusting. Welcome to our world little man. Welcome to our world. I've decided I'm not cleaning up any bodily matter excreted on purpose that isn't in its intended receptacle. It's amazing how our house is less like a frat house when they have to clean it.

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  16. Ha! I can't believe your kid knows about water intoxication! He's brilliant. And I love how he expressed his disappointment. I don't think anyone can quite show disdain as clearly and expertly as the boy with autism. At least my son's very good at it.

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  17. Do you think that other kids are also "disappointed" in their parents but just don't dare/think to say it? And this has to be a classic example of how distraction works, I must remember to use it more often :)

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  18. Great job distracting! I am very impressed! Hope you find the right juice box so you won't be a "disappointment" anymore.

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  19. Lizbeth, this soooo could have been a post from me. I have had a similar argument with Tate. Hubz and I nodded and laughed in solidarity...the puking, the "death by juice box"...etc

    P.S. Brilliant idea about lid for puke bucket. I have been using a trash can and yes, the smell is, well, yeah....

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  20. [slow clap] You rocked it! You distracted him right where it counts. In the literal scientific place where resistance isn't possible. Brilliant. I can't wait to try it.

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  21. Way to use words (instead of yelling) and redirection super score! We, too, have the dreaded Tupperware bowl with a lid in our van. Plus towels. We always know where our towels are. We are frood and hoopy family.

    And hey, I'll bet Alex can make sure he has the right juice next time. He is awesome -- way to go, you!

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  22. Love it! Love how the discussion and logic helped calm him down. he was still in control but mama won, kind of ;-) And I love his argument AND 'I'm so disappointed in you...'remark! Oh dear, sounds SO familiar!!

    xx Jazzy

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  23. what a fantastic come-back from madness!! That's awesome!

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  24. Good recovery mom! I love the "I'm so disappointed" comment. I hear that too! Lol!

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