Friday, August 31, 2012

The big bang just blew up in my face.

Right now I have horrible curses words going through my mind.  Horrible, horrible curse words.

Someone told me ages ago, "You have to watch The Big Bang Theory, Alex reminds me soooo much of Sheldon Cooper."  I don't remember who said it and I don't remember giving it too much thought, so I let it drift out of my memory.

If I remember who you are, you should probably start running.  Now.  When I catch up, I'm going to kill you.

I have this thing where I don't like watching shows having to do with Autism.  See, I live it.  The few minutes I do get to be by myself, I want to stare blankly at the TV and not think about anything.  The last thing I want to do, is be reminded of my own life.

But then there was a Big Bang Theory marathon the other day so I DVR'ed the episodes.  That same night we watched one episode and it seemed harmless, funny even.

Sheldon had a secret knock his friends had to do on his door.  His friends didn't do the knock correctly and there was a prolonged discussion on how doing the knock incorrectly precluded entry.  Alex was transfixed.  Mesmerized.   He was giggling and snorting so loud that at one point I thought he was going to throw up.

He looked over at me and said, "Mom, there are grownups like me."  Right then and there a new love was born.  Scoot over How its Made, you've been replaced.

The Big Bang Theory and NinjaGo, this is what
my life has come down to.....

And I have to tell you, I had mixed feelings about him watching the show.  I didn't want him seeing a studio production of what he deemed real life.  We had a discussion about actors and acting to which I received a, "Duh mom," like I was the idiot in the room.

Then then next morning.

Alex was up bright and early, and without missing a beat, he ran downstairs and turned on his brand new love, The Big Bang Theory.

I counted my lucks stars and rolled over.  It was about six-something in the morning.

See, we took the youngest out of her crib the day before and she started sleeping in a toddler bed.  The thing is, she never slept in her bed.  She latched on to the idea she was a free agent...

To say we had a wondering gnome was an understatement.  She had the new found freedom of a prison inmate and she's been wandering around the house at all hours of the night.  Do you know how creepy it is to wake up to a two year old, inches from your face, several times a night going, "Mine mommy, mine mommy???"  Creepy, totally creepy.

So yeah, when Alex got up at 6:00AM, I rolled over.

Big mistake.  Big, Big, BIG Mistake.

I came downstairs a little while later and was met with a barrage of questions, "What is coitus, mom?  Why would someone engage in coitus?  Is coitus something grownups do?  Do you like coitus, mom?"

"Errrr, what?  What were you asking?"  Inside I was shocked wide awake.  It was like he just took a tazer to my brain, turned it on and fired it directly into my grey matter.  Alarm bells were going off, "Danger, danger.  Red Alert.  Red Alert."  In my mind I was going, "Oh Gwad Fuck.  Did my kid just say coitus?!?  OMG, he totally did.  Who told me about this show again?!?  I'm gonna kill them..."

On that episode they must have said sex, sexual intercourse and coitus a million times.  I think they were trying to find Sheldon a date so his friends made an online profile for him.

There implications were unending.

All day I heard various questions, all sexually related, all about coitus.

This is hell people, this is hell.  My kids are asking about sex.  All day long, "Why would a person have coitus?  Is coitus the same as sex?  Why does it have two names?  It makes no sense.  Is coitus Latin for sex?"

All frigging day.

And people wonder why I don't watch TV about Autism.

Curse you Sheldon Cooper.  Curse you.


45 comments:

  1. Oh Lizbeth! I'm totally laughing my head off here! Yet I DO get that you don't want your child talking about coitus all day! Whatever you do NEVER let him watch Family Guy and another similar one who's name escapes me. 'Gang Bang' is my son's current favourite! Sigh....

    xx Jazzy

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    1. Haha!!! I don't think anything good came out of the phrase, "Gang Bang."

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  2. Time to go back to How It's Made. Unless it's the episode on glass eyes. Then I choose Big Bang Theory anyday.
    I live that show with my husband. In fact, there was an episode where Sheldon was talking about chili versus chili con carne. The exact conversation I had with my husband two weeks prior.

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    1. That's awesome. My favorite is where's he's 'stuck' and he is in this ball pit going "Bazinga!" Love it!

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  3. I guess I was lucky. My son never watched those shows. The only channels he watches are -Discovery, History, and one other but I forgot which one. It was one similar to Discovery I think. Oh yeah, Military channel. This year he's sharing an apartment with two other guys at college and he didn't even want a tv because of the possibility of going over the alloted $30/month on the electric bill. Didn't want to take a chance! He's monitoring the other two boys electrical use as well! I'm sure he's very popular in that apartment! NOT!

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    1. OMG, that's soooo like Alex. The good news is, they will know how much they spent. :) The Military Channel has some good stuff. :)

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  4. Hopefully you can find one or two non-coitus-centric episodes for him to watch? And then just watch them over and over? That is how we roll over here.

    You are making me so glad that my kid still wants to watch Curious George.

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    1. That's exactly what we're doing. We have two that are on high rotation.

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    2. Curious George makes my son go mental. He loves it, but the furniture gets a beating. Why he can't just jump on his little trampoline instead of the Lazy-boy is beyond me. He parrots phrases from every TV show, but with such poor pronunciation that I mostly don't catch the swearing, inappropriate concepts and so on.
      My husband likes to say "Lets make this a teachable moment"
      I generally reply, "Teach him to say that and I will kill you." It's all about the love, really. :) And he owns a T-shirt with "Bazinga!"

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  5. I didn't even THINK about the word 'coitus' being in there! Now, however, I am going to be counting the number of times they say 'coitus' and cracking up while simultaneously feeling guilty about your plight!

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  6. Oh my word! I don't know if laughing or crying is appropriate. I'd stick to another show. My Aspie brother watches it but he's 17 now. Big difference!

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    1. Yeah, big difference. :) I have two that we watch and that's it.

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  7. We're in Ninjago hell at my house. My mom, however, lies in her room for hours watching Big Bang Theory.

    Yeah, my family is nuts too.

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    1. Hahahaha! Did you see, that's the other show we have DVR'ed?!? NingaGo all the time....

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  8. First of all- it wasn't me!!!! But I do love that show. Don't watch any other "autism" shows but just started watching this one. While I have not heard these words from Toots, he's a big fan of South Park. No I haven't seen the Ass-burgers episode. I have to pre-screen every episode and as a result he had two semi-acceptable episodes allowed - one about Facebook and a parody on Hogh School Musical. He found it through a south park app on iTunes. I don't recommend that one either...

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    1. Hahaha!!! Yeah, this was just a fluke. We watched one episode and then he got up early and saw the sex episode before I could check it out further. Now we have two on high rotation and that's it. :)

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  9. I've never seen that show but people keep asking me if I have. Is it the whole Autism thing? I keep getting asked about another show too that apparently has an Autistic kid on it.

    If it's not somebody chasing a ghost, wrestling, or HGTV, then I'm probably not watching it. Hahaha.

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  10. I've watched the Big Bang Theory, and honestly I didn't laugh once. I also love tough questions early in the morning, although, I've never had a coitus question before.

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  11. We love BBT...but I can't let the boys watch it for many reasons...one of which would be Tate scripting the coitus convos. Can you imagine the call from school? Oh, wait...probably you can.

    That being said, we love Sheldon...just as long as he doesn't teach my kids about coitus before I'm ready. Hang in there...

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  12. This phase will pass.... and then go into 'knock knock knock MOM?, 'knock knock knock MOM?, 'knock knock knock MOM?

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  13. Does it make me an immature 12 yo boy that the word "coitus" makes me snort?

    I love the show, but obviously have never let the kids watch it. Hope the questions end soon, but I'd love to hear your answers!

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  14. Children with autism & Asperger's don't miss a thing. Damien would often hear a new word and become fixated on it for a couple of days, and the questions, whew! I watch the show with my son, but he is 16. When he was younger, I was a lot like you. When he was around 12, he started asking a lot of questions about autism. That's when we started seeking out shows, movies, books, and articles on autism and about people with autism. Before watching Mozart and the Whale, Damien never considered that he could have a relationship. Now, he has hope that he will have the future that he deserves.

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  15. Haha, oh dear. Mini Meerkat has been scripting some strange stuff, but luckily it has all been G rated!

    I've never seen the Big Bang Theory, but I do watch 2 shows with autistic characters (Community with Abed and Alphas with Gary).

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    1. Love Alphas! And Gary has some of the best lines.

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  16. I love your posts and sense of humor...Good luck with the big bang.

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  17. Oh no! And I'm totally with you, I don't watch anything about autism, I rarely read books about it anymore either. I have more than enough of it in real life.

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  18. Oh no! Hope there is some interruptus to the coitus talk! Thank you for sharing!

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  19. I woke up one night to my son crouched over me making his monster face. I freaked and threw him off me. Mother of the year right here, people!

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  20. :O The person who told you about the show should have said it was an adult show. I'm so sorry that happened:(

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    1. I just can't remember. Thing is, it all turned out OK so I'm Ok with it.

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  21. Thank GAWD we de-sensitized Katie to TV at an early age. She's heard everything under the sun thanks to TV (and her father) so I don't get the questions. Every once in awhile, she'll ask what something means. I'll tell her, and that will be the end of it. I'm SOOOO sorry this happened to you lady!

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  22. Well that beats my fruit cake story! By a mile! Make that 1000 miles! But I will share it anyway, as a mom of a special needs child. (My 8-year-old son with Down syndrome is not quite at the coitus-word level yet, and if he did say it, no one would know it because of his speech delays--it would probably sound like 'kittens'). So here goes (I have my dog to thank for this one...). Son: "Mommy! Fruit cake!" Mom (me): "Yes, honey, that's nice." Son: "Mommy! Fruit cake!" Mom: "OK, sweetie, fruit cake." Son: "MOMMY! FRUIT CAKE!" Mom, clearly worried: "Are you saying fruit cake?" Son: "Mommy! POO CAKE!"

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    1. Our dog eats cat turds, and my son lovingly calls them poo cakes. Can't wait until he says 'kittens'!

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    2. Oh My God!!! I can't help it. That's funny!!!

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  23. Eeeeek. I am seriously glad that my son is still into Bananas in Pyjamas!!!

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  24. Replies
    1. I am so not answering you Kara..... :)

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