In case anyone's keeping count, that sleeping baby down there is winning. Six to zero. It wouldn't be so bad if she would only take her Tylenol by mouth. But ohhhh no, she doesn't like the taste. I've tried every flavor, every brand and even the chewable tablets. Even tried hiding it in her cheese.
All of it comes back at me.
She had the same poor review of Ibuprofen. All makes, all brands.
That's why I get the joy of shoving a suppository up her ass every four to six hours. She thinks even less highly of that and pukes, I swear, to spite me.
Let me tell you Gracie, I like shoving my finger up your ass as much as you like it there kid.
On the upside, it's making discipline a hell of a lot easier in this house. All I have to do is pull out a suppository, show it to her and say, "Do you want this? Do you want a butt-rocket up your butt?? No, I didn't think so."
Lord, that child will do whatever I ask now.
Only with both hands holding her bottom pretty tightly.
Beautiful photos! I can't wait for February to be over either.
ReplyDeleteUgh...I hate hate hate taking temperatures...
I don't even try the temperatures there anymore. I think she'll claw my eyes out at the mention of it....
DeleteLMAO! God, Lizbeth -- you TOTALLY cracked me up!
ReplyDeleteI can't wait for this nasty winter to be over either. I would rather just have snow and freezing than is luke-warm, slush-tastic, bacteria-breeding CRAP we've called winter. GOD, MAKE IT END!
In an unrelated note, I added the pics into your SPDBN post. Thanks again for sharing it!!!
I KNOW!!! I am so sick of "winter" I could spit. Just spit.
DeleteThose pics are pretty awesome, especially the bubbles!
ReplyDeleteThis reminds me of the constipation problems Connor used to have. It would get so bad, even with putting Miralax in his juice, that we'd have to do a suppository. Well, he was so determined and positive that pooping would hurt unless he had a suppository, that he started asking for them. Every day. Yeah, that's a whole different kind of hell, my friend, when your kid WANTS you to insert a butt rocket.
But then again, he didn't puke on me when we did it, so maybe you have got me beat there. I hope you have a bucket on the floor while the kid is over your knee...
Had to jump in here - our Lily goes through this off and on where we have to break out those little liquid glycerin suppositories because she just WILL NOT GO! There is something dreadfully wrong with a kid who brings you a suppository and a towel and lays on her side ready for "insertion". Can you say "mental block" against pooping? Not something you share at playgroup - "Well, MY child LIKES butt rockets!"
Delete@Flan--the diaper change "spot" is right next to a sink so I just flip her head in there. Still disgusting.
DeleteI can just see Connor asking for a suppository....ack!
And Lana---OMG poor little thing!
yeah...they soon become wise to how heinous medicine is, and they DO NOT CARE what it will do for them. Oh the suppository. I had to administer a couple and I felt like offering a formal written apology. I couldn't say SORRY enough.
ReplyDeleteI was like, "momma's so sorry baby, sooo sorry." And then she was soooo mad she tried biting me and then puked all over me. I damn near tore up that apology and said Fuck It, you get it up the butt then if that's how it goes.....
DeleteI would admit to war crimes I never committed so you don't do that to me! Great mommy tool. You go Lizbeth.
ReplyDeleteI'm just wondering if you're going to keep a couple of those "butt-rockets" in your purse to use as a threat when you're out in public, say, like Wal-Mart or something. I can just see it now - "Did that woman just threaten her child with a...... suppository??"
ReplyDeleteI never though of that....such a good idea!
DeleteROL (Roar of laughter!) That's just so funny!
DeleteBest advice ever!
DeleteYou think this is a joke - my mum used to do that sort of thing to me, and I have a feeling I've done the same to my little girl
DeleteThis was just too funny. Make an evil voodoo necklace from a bunch of butt rockets then put it on to intimidate when necessary.
ReplyDeletei LOVE this idea! forget the teeth of fallen foe, the suppository necklace is way more intimidating!
DeleteHaha! They do get a bit melty with body temperature though. Ahhh, I'll just use them first and then necklace the wrappers. Should have the same effect.
Deleteawww poor little thing...
ReplyDeleteButt rockets sound great... stealing that word.. sounds even better in Icelandic
There's something you can tell her 1st boyfriend.
ReplyDeleteBWAHAHA! Word of caution, though. Our sixteen year old had a medical issue when she was three. She had to have a butt-rocket for anesthesia and also a colonoscopy. You'd think her memory would be non-existant of such things. However, when she was between 5 and 7 she would randomly and in rooms full of people ask if she needed to have things shoved up her butthole again. As in, "Mommy, does the man have to put things up my butt again?"
ReplyDeleteYeah. No effing joke. Try explaining THAT to the grocery store clerk, teachers, and family.
Kelly, I got nothing on that. NOTHING. Lord, that's how something so innocent turns bad. Gawd, I can just see the dude at Target ringing you up when she says that.....
DeleteAnd so with the blossoming of the first flowers of Spring, Mommy's finger and Gracie's butt were spared and all was well in the kingdom . . .
ReplyDeleteDaylight Savings is March 10th I believe. ;)
I'm just looking toward Thursday, March 1. In my mind that's when winter can go eff itself and end.
DeleteOnly a few days to go...great pics XXX
ReplyDeleteOMG - you HAVE had a crappy month. Literally. ;)
ReplyDeleteSpring is springing out all over the place! As soon as Gracie feels better, you all will be outside, enjoying every second of it.
ReplyDeleteThe picture with the bubbles? That is practically art, right there. I love it lots!
Thanks and you know our TOR:CON index was at a three today. Spring is soooo close!!!
DeleteLoving the pics, and as for the butt rockets, well I've even had to do that to my teenage daughter (for severe post tonsillectomy pain). Nothing much fazes me now....
ReplyDeleteGetting the tonsils taken out---a horrible procedure! Yeah, that tops it in my book!
DeleteWow, you have had a rough few weeks, haven't you? Hope she gets better soon, too. Butt rockets. Ha!
ReplyDeleteThat is just so funny, you totally crack me up,... get it "crack" you're just so funny! I've never had the displeasure of administering "Butt Rockets" or taking a temperature there either !!! Well I hope she gets better soon... love Mel xxx
ReplyDeleteMel, you gave me a smile and that's worth GOLD.
Deletexxoo
You know, Gracie will be traumatized for life now.
ReplyDeleteCody, at age 30, will still randomly say, "Remember taking a tempurature in my butt?" Cody's talking about his nurses and the old school way of doing things, but he's never forgotten.
Poor baby girl. ;)
Uggghh, the other two kids have taken up my strategy and are now saying, "Do want one up the butt?!?" to get her to do things. Poor kid is doing EVERYTHING they ask for fear of getting one shoved up there again!!!
DeleteOh sweet baby. My sister had a similar problem once. Her husband has SEVERE anxiety induced nausea. So one time after his third trip to the hospital or some such thing they gave him anti-nausea meds in suppository form since he couldn't keep anything down (obviously). Unfortunately he's kind of a weird duck and couldn't insert his own meds so my sister did it for him. For like a week. You remember V's daddy? mm-hmm. I'd take kid over husband in that situation every time.
ReplyDeleteOhhhh Jess....every time, every time I'd take the kids over the husband being sick.
Delete