Friday, June 10, 2011

The forgotten week.

In my haste to get Alex out of school and down to Sanibel to start our vacation,  I completely forgot this teensy weensy little detail.  We have one full week before we go on vacation.  I was so busy trying to get him through the last few weeks, and then days, of school that I completely forgot we had a gap week.

One full week of nothing to do.


Now I'm sitting here with three kids looking at me like I'm the food that just got tossed into the lion's den.  And these particular lions, well they're pissed off and really hungry.  Since I've not trained my lion cubs that it's not OK to gnaw on mommy's leg for sport, I'm afraid for my own survival.

On top of it, it got frigging hot here and I'm dying a thousand deaths trying to get used to the heat.  Add the humidity and my normally straight as a board hair has gone pa-ching and I don't know what to do with it.  My sweat glands are working overtime and I think I've died and the devil is having some fun with me.  My insides are boiling and I may spontaneously combust.

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My poor kids haven't really known "hot" and lets just say they're pissed that their summer's not chalked full of cool waters and summer time jackets.  See, we used to live in North Dakota.  My Cherubs don't know hot.  I mean, look at that picture down there.  I took that in late June, 2008.  Look at what she's wearing...mittens.  People, she's wearing MITTENS.  IN JUNE.  Along with fleece pants, a jacket, a shirt and some weird almost but not really a skirt thing.  IN LATE JUNE.  I'm surprised there is not ice on that puddle.

To top it all off, they want to go to the pool but I can't take all three of them and be guaranteed I'd come back with all of them still breathing.  We've spent an ass load of money on swim lessons but they're still not swim worthy due to our complete and utter lack of gross motor skills.  I don't trust them alone in the water and with an 18 month old I can't watch all three.  It's unsafe and a recipe for disaster.

So I've lowered my standards and turned on the TV.  We're going to be watching plenty of How its Made, those horrible little douche bags Phinneas and Ferb and that rodent Max and his sister Ruby. Where the hell is their mother???

Anyway, all I have to do is get through till Saturday and then we're off.  To the airport. On a plane.  To land in another airport.  To board another plane.  To land in Florida.

What could possible go wrong with that???

Don't worry, I'll be telling you all about it when we land.  You know, if I'm not detained in airport security when Alex has decided to have an in depth discussion with the TSA official about the "why's" and "how to's" concerning bombs and bringing them in to the airport and through security.... 


  1. I agree, it's been hot of an unholy nature. I think I might want to hear more about North Dakota...mostly because I'm hot, and cold weather stories make me feel happy inside. Also because I've never known anyone from North Dakota.

    Now see, I LOVE Phineas and Ferb...but that Yo Gabba Gabba will send me screaming from the room, in search of objects sharp enough to puncture an artery.

    Can't wait to hear about the famdamily vacation!!

  2. I'm sure you'll have a wonderful time once you make it down to Florida. Maybe you'll even get to meet some interesting natives. I've heard they love free pizza.

  3. I am convinced that Max (of Max and Ruby fame) is autistic. But I know for sure that he is NOT a rodent. ;-)

  4. Why not a run through the sprinklers? Ice cream, mall, Target - Walmart is fun I hear (just kidding!) Anything but Max and Ruby! Ruby is a dirty B! Can't wait to see pictures of the vacation!! I will be living vicariously through you so make it good! (Be careful!) :)

  5. It's freakin' HOT here, and it's almost impossible to convince a three year old kid that the sun will cause his mother to melt. I feel your pain!

    Have fun in Florida, and for God's sake, bring Big Daddy some pizza!

  6. I love that, that's something I would do (the forgotten week lol!)

    I so agree about max and ruby, and Dora going on all these insane adventures on her own and her clothes never get washed... Like where's her mum?

    I have the same swimming challenge with my three, oatie with CP has a better chance of swimming than my other two... I swim 10km a week and was a lifeguard and a swim instructor, but the kids don't want to learn from me... "you're our mum..." and lessons didn't work yet! The bit about coming back with all three breathing just made me roar with laughter..

    Hope you have a lovely time in Florida xxx



  7. @Flannery--I loved ND but it was COLD. All the time. I remember one time I went out in a blizzard to get mail and almost froze to death because I almost got lost going back to the house. They never let me live that one down.

    And I just suffered thru Yo Gabba Gabba today....and what the fuck is that all about?!?

    @Big Daddy--Is that, man you're easy.

    @Darcy--Ha, that's funny. I wonder if he is autistic...I've never thought of that!

    @Karen V.--We do run thru sprinklers, I'll post on it but it's been too darn hot. Heat indexes of over 100, at that's at 9:00AM!!!!

    She is a dirty B, isn't she?!? ;)

    @Not Just Another Mother Blogger!--I know! The kids are almost immune to the heat and I'm just a puddle (a big fat complaining puddle!)

    @Mel---I know, where are their parents?!? I never understood that!!! And Diego, I don't get his story...

    And that is so funny they won't take lessons from you. Mine won't either. That's probably wise though as I have NO qualifications. I'm afraid they'll puke on me from swallowing so much water which Alex does almost every time we go to the pool. Yeah, we make friends all over the place. ;)

  8. It's hot here too- I took the kids outside at 7:30 AM (sorry, neighbors), but it was already blazing hot then.

    Can't wait to hear about Florida and your traveling adventures.

  9. I don't know if y'all know this or not, but their are entire sites/blogs dedicated to debating whether or not Max has autism. I think he does. Also, that little snot Dino Dan has Aspbergers. Love me some Phineus and Ferb right now. Much needed break from Jake and his punk gang of pig nosed followers, the fresh beat dorks and Jungle Junction.

    Good luck with the heat. North Dakota in the summer sounds Ike my idea of paradise. Winter, though, seems like a different kettle of fish all together!

  10. have a great time on your trip to're going to be down in my neck of the woods (sort of). Weather has been great down, but that's to be expected.

    BTW.. I have always found Max and Ruby to be a little creepy. I mean, ruby is his sister but has the voice and mannerisms of a grandmother--kind of strange

  11. Funny, I think I have some of those same lions taking up residence here. son will be right next to your son in security as he pontificates on every assault weapon known to man.

  12. I hope you are there by now, enjoying the ocean.

    Also, please give yourself a break with the TV - what else can you do when it's that hot? It totally zaps your energy. My 2 have been into Peppa Pig lately - the snorting is kind of annoying but anything is better that that Self-righteous B Ruby!!

  13. DO know that Florida in the summer is the equivalent of walking around in someones mouth? It is that hot and humid!
    Sigh..I actually like Max and Ruby..but don't think he is autistic. I'm lucky now that my kids are older and PBS is mostly a thing of the past...I am no longer subjected to Caillou marathons..WHY is he bald? Or Clifford the big rd dog...where does he poop? Or Maya and Miguel...WHY are their heads so damn big? Crap..I'm working myself up just thinking about these shows again...

  14. @Christy--we've done the same thing and punted the kids out early. Thank God our neighbors are OK with it.

    @Kelly--I had no idea. Will have to look into this.

    @Danielle--Max and Ruby have always rubbed my the wrong way. She's a patronizing old lady in a kids/rabbit body. I don't get it!!!

    @Accidental Expert--assault weapons?!? Oh my gosh, I can just see you guys trying to explain that to a TSA agent....


    @kathleen--someone's mouth, that's good!!! Oh my GOD, I never thought about Clifford pooping or why Caillou is bald--I could never get past that kids winey voice or his name.

  15. u can leave that little 18 mth old with me dad, I will take good care of her and even feed her a liquid lunch she is sexy


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