Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Mom Fail

Just as a warning this is a little ranty today.  Shocking.  I know.

Its amazing how things can go along just great one minute and the next its all just blowing up in your face.  Blamo.  Lets just say I got mine yesterday.

Anyway, I'll get right down to business.

If another person asks me when "we're going for that forth child" I'm going to punch them in the throat.  Hard.

First off, it's none of your business.

Second off, as I told the lady who would not crawl out of my ass-hole about it yesterday that I did in fact have four children.  Since she clearly could not count to three and subtract one, she kept persisting.  So I got sick of it and blew a fuse.  After repeated attempts to change the subject and when she would not stop pressing the issue I told her again that I did have four children and, "my third one was up in my an urn."

Nothing kills a conversation like bringing up your dead baby.

And third, I don't want any more children.  Just the thought of another baby makes my ovaries shrivel up, my fallopian tubes close in on themselves and I spontaneously start cramping.  I am done with kids.  I am beyond done with kids.  I do not want any more.  Every night as I pop my pill I secretly thank those evil geniuses who found it their life ambition to mess around with hormones.

Furthermore, I do not feel the need to speak about this with random strangers at the pool.

I swear sometimes people are stupid.

It totally didn't help that Gracie has skipped her afternoon nap and instead went for a round of:  Lets-take-a-dump-and-smear-it-all-over-the-bedding-stuffed animals-blankets-crib-and-walls, cuz you know, mom'd like that.

So after I Cloroxed Gracie's ass and her room and anything else within a two foot arm span, I decided a change of scenery was in order.  Off to the pool we went.

As a side note, I really hope the chlorine level was up cuz I just couldn't bet the farm I got all that shit wiped off her.  What's that phrase, "you're never as clean as you think you are?"  Yeah, that came to mind.

As another side note, take a look at this plant.  Nothing gets your attention faster than your five year old daughter screaming at the top of her lungs at the park, "Hey Mom, I found a purple penis plant!!!"  

Ok, I'll cut her some slack on this one...

Anyway, I suppose I was itching to unload on someone and when this woman would not stop she got the brunt of it.

Add to it the kids have been biting at each other.  I left them alone for a few minutes in the basement and they were actually slapping the shit out of each other when I came back.  They were downright nasty with each other.  All of this in the time it took for me to use the facilities.

They were driving each other insane for the pure joy of it.

I went for almost the whole day trying to figure out why in the hell they were we having such a bad day and I couldn't figure it out.  And that in turn was pissing me off.

And then it hit me:  Alex caught the tail end of my conversation with the school nurse that I would drop off his asthma supplies and Lizzy's immunization record.

I dared utter the six letter word, school, in our house and he FLIPPED OUT.

Flipped his shit.  And you all know how that goes.  The rest of our day circled the drain.

Such a shame it took me till now to figure it all out.  I guess it falls under the category of Mom Fail.

My beautiful summer has been flushed down the toilet in under twenty seconds and my son's already twitching.

Damn it.

I've decided to link this to Shell's Pour Your Heart Out as I just posted on Monday with Shell about how great our summer has been going.  Amazing how quickly things change...


  1. I hate people.
    The older I get the more misanthropic I become!

    I'm sorry you had to deal with that idiot!

    I didn't have children and I still get asked that question and i'm in menopause! Now it has taken the form of why didn't you have kids? Always said to me like there is something wrong with me.

    You know it is a topic I have no issue discussing with friends and have even discussed in my blog but to have strangers ask you this relentlessly is so damn annoying!! I so understand and feel your pain! NONE of their business! I always want to say back at them, "why are you so damn clueless?"

    Sorry Lizbeth you had to deal with stupid people. Damn, they are everywhere lately!

  2. I'm sorry people are such idiots. Sometimes I ask stupid questions too. Especially if I don't know the person, yet we're forced to spend a couple of hours together (like in a get together where the husbands are friends) where she's clearly uncommunicative and I've no idea what to talk about.

    But persisting on such a matter that is beyond even my scope.

    I can't remember does your son have a classroom aide?

  3. @Margaret--My sister deals with the same thing with no children...bugs the hell out of her. Thanks.

    @Amanda--he has a para. We meet on Monday at school to go over things...I'll let you know how that goes. Wish us luck. Maroon sofa--haha!!

  4. I'm with Margaret, I get more misanthropic the older I become too!!

    And that lady bugging you? *wow*

  5. Oh no- I'm sorry that the mention of school set him off like that.

    As for idiot people who ask questions like that- ugh!!! People need to learn to mind their own business!

  6. Ugh! When people ask me about having more kids I just say "I told my husband that if he didn't go to the doctor to get neutered that I would do it for him. He went straight to the hospital, dropped his pants and snip snip he has no more sperm"

  7. I guess is good you know where you stand as for 'having more kids'. I am with Amanda, sometimes I just don't know what to say, but I am not a persistent idiot. I guess I go for the common quick talk topics.

  8. I hope it gives you some peace to know that hopefully you at least temporarily cured that woman of her Iamtalkingandicannotshutuppediness! Holy cannoli you should not have had to deal with her condition. At least you didn't have to come home thinking about what you could've said.

  9. I am in no mood to be messed with today, then I come over here and read about some crazy, rude pool lady messing with you and I want to throat punch her. Better yet, I'll hold her and YOU punch her. Repeatedly. Because you certainly deserve that satisfaction more than I do.

    I always get "So, when are you and Vince getting married??" That one really sticks in my craw. It's not nearly the same thing as what you had to endure, but it's an invasion of privacy nonetheless. We're not getting married, and I don't need to detail my reasons WHY to YOU, complete stranger that I just met 12 seconds ago!!

    If I've gained anything from what little therapy I've been able to afford, it's this: We do not have to defend or explain ourselves to anyone!

    Sorry for being all ranty here, but it's been one of those I-hate-people days. Which pretty much means it's been a typical Wednesday.

  10. Yikes that sounds like an awful day! People can be so rude! My husband got the big "V" to make sure we don't get a fourth child. I adore my children, but in all honesty, I don't always "like" my children! Especially on days like you had when they smear their poo all over everything! Since they are 17, 14 and 11, we haven't had a day like that in some time, but I do have boys that tend to piss all over everything , but the toilet bowl! And they are all at the smart ass teenager stage. Good for you for shutting her up. I tend to hold my tongue. Sometimes I wish I had the balls to just tell people what I am thinking. I think it would make me feel better!

  11. My favorite line... "I swear some people are stupid."

    Still laughing about the Purple Penis Plant. hehe

  12. What is that ladies deal?! Why we she even ask let alone keep pushing it! Sorry about the poop and the fighting

  13. Ugh. I'm so sorry for the awful day... And yeah. I totally get where you're coming from with that lady. My personal favorite is "do you have any children of your own?" --- "Um... no, ass. Just this little refugee that I haul around to make myself feel like a good person."

    Still, you have to admit that the "purple penis plant" is pretty funny...

  14. oh honey no. People are such douche canoes. Seriously. I had postpartum depression after the birth of my first and only child. Then it turned into bipolar disorder. It has taken me 3 years to sort of get back on my feet and now people are asking the dreaded "When is number 2 coming"'s like they don't even understand how terrible this journey to recovery has been for all of us.
    on top of that, I have chronic pain which has me partially hello people? It's not like I can crap out a child with ease ya know?
    People are jerks.
    This is my first time to your blog and I am so sorry about your wee angel. People need a throat kick once in a while don't you think?

  15. I have them days too

    Often. So I know it sucks. But we get through.

  16. Why are people so dang persistent when it's obvious the other person doesn't want to continue the conversation? I was just telling my husband yesterday how most people get on my nerves now because their concerns seem petty to the crap I'm dealing with on a daily basis. I'm guessing you can relate, huh?
    I'm so, so, so hating he's already freaking out about school after a good summer. Sigh. It's just now fair that our kids have to go through this.

  17. Lizbeth, why are people total rabid retards for THE NEXT CHAPTER OF THE STORY??? I mean, I date The Man = everyone asks when we're getting married
    we get married = when are we having a baby
    we have a baby = when are we having the next baby

    People can ask me all they want when I'm having the next baby. I really enjoy telling them I'm not, and that if I did, I'd be carrying that baby on the OUTSIDE of my body, because that's how much my kids wrecked my innards.


    It may also comfort you to know that my kids have been having epic slap fests and I am seriously starting to lose it and no longer want to spend any time with them. Pin the Crap Mom medal on me now.

  18. OH, and isn't it so true that the obvious reason takes ages to come to us???

  19. Some people ARE stupid. And insensitive.

    People ask me if I'm having another and I just laugh hysterically.

  20. Don't say 'Mom fail' :( Yeah I know I do it, but we're not superhuman, it's impossible to get it right 24/7 ((hugs))

  21. Thanks guys for all the love. I just blew a fuse when that woman would not shut up!!! I saw her a the pool later and she avoided me like the plague!!! Maybe spewing evil worked this time!!!

  22. People can be such ass pickles. She deserved a fuse blowing comment. In. Her. Face.

  23. What a totally idiotic woman she was! How dare she give you such a hard time about having a fourth child and I think the way you answered her was perfect and she got what she deserved! I think you are a great mum, you'd just had a bad day and that nosy woman got it :)good to know she wont bother you again ;)


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