Friday, August 26, 2011

My daughter is a master manipulator, drama queen and I can not stop cracking up...

So it was my daughter's sixth birthday.  She woke up like a little princess and came down the stairs like a fairy floating on air.  Weightless.  A thing of beauty.  A wonder to behold.

And then she started talking.

"Mom, it's my Birthday!!!  That means I get to stay home from school?  Right?"  She's all super excited and is  wearing her party dress.  Her hands running down the sides of it so the layers underneath crush and poof back out.  

"Um, yeah, about school.  Hon, you still have to go to school today.  Mrs. Abram's has all sorts of great stuff planned for your birthday.  You can't let her down, can you?  It's going to be great and I'll stop by at lunch to eat with you."

"Mom, my throat hurts...."


"Mom, it really hurts.  I can't swallow.  It hurts really bad."  And just like that she starts sobbing and drooling and acting like she's dying.

Anyway, the rest of the morning routine went out the window and, don't call social services here, but I hauled my little drama queen out of the house, into the car and stuffed her in her classroom all the while complaining she was going to die.

I'm not home from school for more than thirty minutes before I get a call from the school nurse telling me Lizzy's in her office complaining of a sore throat.  I told her what happened this morning and we both got a good laugh and she turfed her back to the classroom.

Then I go into see her at lunch.  Her teacher sees me and tells me how she thinks Lizzy's really sick and should go home.  She even tried to get her to color and she just started sobbing and exclaiming how her thorat was killing.

And I'm all like, "Really??  You think she's sick??"

And her teacher's all, "I think she may need to go home, she doesn't look good and she's just so upset.  Poor thing.  And on her birthday."

And I'm still all, "Really?  We're talking about Lizzy, right??  You're buying all of that, all the tears and boo-hoo-ing??  How bout I go eat with her and see what's going on?"

So, in good faith I went over and had lunch with Lizzy.  And here's what Lizzy had to say:

"Mom, it's so great!!  It's my Birthday and I told Mrs Abram I didn't want to color and I started to cry and I GOT TO MEET THE SCHOOL NURSE!!!!!  She's so neat!  And then I came back to the classroom and I didn't have to do any of my work when I started crying again.  I'm soooo hungry.  Can you open my ketchup?  Thanks so much for Wendy's for my Birthday!  I bet I won't have to do anything if I keep crying.  This is the best day ever!!!!"

She's saying all of this while stuffing in four chicken nuggets and a handful of fries in her mouth.  It reminded me of one of those contests where someone stuffs as many cigarettes in their mouth as they can.

"OK, lets back up here, honey.  Does your throat hurt?  At all???"

"Huh?  What??  No, I'm hungry.  Can I open my presents when I get home?"

And that is the true story of how my daughter played her teacher like a violin on the fifth day of school, on her Birthday.


  1. That is some awesome Susan Lucci school of acting right there. Think what she can get when she figures out amnesia. Happy Birthday Lizzy!

  2. Wow. She and Little Miss must go to the same acting school! But seriously, if this is what I have to look forward to... I'm not sure I'm ready!

    Happy birthday to your little one!

  3. Oh my God that is such a hoot!
    Are you sure she isn't my kid?
    Just sayin'.....

  4. Hilarious! Sounds very much like my daughter when she was younger. She wants to go to drama I surprised? Not a chance, it's a waste of a talent otherwise lol

  5. All the grown-ups used to call me Sara Bernhardt when I was a kid, but I had nuthin' on Lizzy. Damn, that girl is good.

    The crying will only work for so long, though. Then she will have to rely on her good looks to get some stupid boy to do her work for her. It's how I got through middle school wood shop.

  6. Oh man! You have to admire that kind of conniving. You just do.

  7. What a story! The only thing that would have made it better is if it was my daughter because really, that one will be a great one to tell at family gatherings think Thanksgiving and Christmas....forever! I love it!

  8. Dear friend, you are in TROUBLE when she gets to her teen years. haha :)

  9. Lol! Oh my gosh you are in trouble. Too funny, she is a smart one

  10. Hmmm, I wonder where she acquired these fabulous skills of duplicity????

    I hope she has a fabulous birthday and that "she feels better real soon." LOL!

  11. LOL!!! She's THAT good THAT young? OMG, I do not envy you when she is a teenager!

  12. Oh dear! I think she needs the boy who cried wolf story :)

  13. Hahaha...clever girl! Next time she'll have to remember to not admit to it! I have a 'Master manipulater' post half planned too on my son. Not sure if I should share it though.... we'll see.

    xx Jazzy

  14. OMG

    a very very happy birthday to her
    that is a future CEO for sure

  15. What a clever girl but just wait till she's 15!!!

    Hope she have a lovely birthday:))

  16. This is way too funny. You have one smart daughter. I agree with Deb...wait til she's 15. That's when the real fun begins.

    Hope she had a happy birthday.

  17. As parents it's not the way we are supposed to want our kids to act BUT really, you got to give her props. She is good!

  18. Wow, it's so funny (and impressive) when it's not your own kid. Thanks for the perspective. If I had a nickel for every time I've said "I'm gonna be in so much trouble when she's older." I'd be able to send her to college. If she doesn't get kicked out of high school, that is. I hope you told Lizzy's teacher and nurse that she was, indeed, faking.

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