Monday, May 2, 2011

Dear Mister Contractor Man...

Foul language rant. Foul language rant.  You've been warned.  Now go ahead and laugh at my misery.

I'm sorry Mister Contractor Man who's been in charge of my renovation for the past nine months that I fired another one of your workers.  I don't do it lightly.  Really, I don't.  Matter of fact, I try to be as understanding as possible.  Really, I do. 

But when I ask one of your subs to remove their shoes in the finished part of the house that means you take off your shoes.  That does not mean you look me square in the face and say "yes ma'am, sure ma'am, I can do that ma'am" and act like you're taking off your shoes off and walk away.  With your shoes still on. 

It does not mean when I come back from that hell-can called WalMart, you still have your shoes on, now having spent an entire hour in my house tracking mud all over the tile, carpet and hardwood without a Goddammened care in the world. 

It does not mean when I ask you again to take off your dirty, muddy, twenty year old has been with me forever and a day, steel tipped man boots, you look me square in the face and say "yes ma'am, sure ma'am, I can do that ma'am," and walk away.  With your shoes still on. 

So that's one reason why, Mister Contractor Man, I turfed your sub to the side of the road. 

The fact that he blocked in my garage, again, was an added bonus.  So after I spent an hour of self induced hell at WalMart with baby Gracie, I was the one walking all my shit up to the house, from the curb.  In the rain. 

Did I mention the baby?  Thanks to you, my napping little cherub woke up from the rain and has been even more pissed off than usual. 

Thanks for that.  I owe you one.

The other reason, and might I add the real reason, I punted his ass to the curb is this:  We have a house rule.  A simple rule, really.  Everyone knows it and I have it posted on every door, banister and counter top.  You have to be illiterate, above the law or a disrespectful fucking moron not to follow it. 

And it goes a little something like this:

No Shoes In The House. 
Ever, ever, ever. 

My little man-child has had that rule since he could walk and enforces it with the stealth of a Jedi knight.  He makes our Tae Kwon Doe instructor look tame and manageable.  And he's an eighth degree black belt. 

So now, when my little man-child comes home today, I'll have to deal with a shoe-in-the-house-meltdown after I specifically told your dumb-ass sub to take his shoes off.  Twice.

And that's the real reason Mister Contractor Man, why I punted his ass to the curb.  Because now, my little bloodhound will sniff out the shoe violation in under twenty seconds and proceed to have a meltdown of epic proportions and royally screw the rest of our evening.

And that's why I went to our local liquor store before school let out and will be drinking all of this:

And I didn't even get carded.  Not that I'll mind that horrible little fact in a few hours.... 


  1. What if I have sweaty feet? Can I keep my shoes on then? Just askin.

    And hey, that's an awful lot of liquor for one girl so, you know, just HOLLA if you need some help!


  2. Well, I was going to sympathize with you and all, but seeing that last photo, I just wanna know if I can come over? I promise to take my shoes off!! And my feet don't stink like Flannery's. :P

  3. lol, I don't like shoes in the hosue either and our guests mostly jsut slip them off at the door, but contractoers, movers etc have health and saftey things they have to follow and I know in australia, shoes on while working is one of them.

  4. @Flannery--yes, but I may put those bootie thingies on you. And I totally needs some help w/the booze! Christ, that's the doorbell, you here already?!?

    @Karen V.--no stinkin feet, you're in!

    @IWASNTBLOGGEDYESTERDAY--I totally agree, last thing I was is for someone to hurt themselves in the work area--but this guy was getting numbers to put together an estimate, wondering around the rest of the house, no where near the job site. We even have booties at the doors and he refused those as well. I think he was just being a jerk. I can't wait for this to be over!

  5. I get this all the time...people (sometimes even my fucking husband) think we're just being anal for anal's sake. Because they just have no idea of the fallout that we have to deal with. I get attitude all of the time like I'm the raving lunatic. Well, I sort of am, but throw me a frickin' bone people!

  6. I would me mad too at the attitude, but I always wear shoes in the house :( otherwise I get cold feet. My children are the opposite and take off their shoes and abandon them in all sorts of awkward places where I can trip over them so I'd nearly rather they kept them on too!

  7. I hate shoes. Need any help with that booze?

  8. So, let me see if I have this straight. You have to put on your shoes to go in the house?

  9. What an idiot! What would bug me the very most is that he so blatantly lied and dismissed your request. I mean, man up and at least refuse to take the boots off, but to lie about it and walk off as if you're completely blind? That's way uncool!

  10. Hey, I'm in Oz too, and my lovely painters (in my kitchen right now- Thanks cyclone Yasi!) have my taken their shoes off and slipped these special booties on! I love it!

    I have NEVER had one of them wear their shoes inside my home- I had to ask them to WEAR their shoes when the flooding destroyed the floor and it was unsafe!!!!

    Ah the fun!

  11. You were much nicer than I would have been. You actually asked him to take off his shoes.

    But maybe he had a good reason for keeping his shoes on, like the fact that his wife painted his toenails flaming red, or he has stinky feet.

    Still, no excuse!

  12. I could pretend we wear shoes in the house because Louis has touch tactile defensive issues. But really, I am just a crap housekeeper.

  13. The good news? I never wear shoes indoors. The bad news? Instead, I wear the sort of velcroed slippers your granny used to wear. Friends lose all their credibility just being seen within 10 yards of me. But can I come to your boozy party anyway?

  14. @Lynn--well, I am a raving lunatic, but that's besides the point!!!

    @Looking for Blue Sky--the shoes are just like big lego's when you trip on them, arn't they?!?

    @Christine--yeah, and bring some cupcakes--I've seen what you can do. You're an evil genius in the kitchen. ;)

    @BDA---I got nothin. Nothin. Unless of course you want to wear those little blue booties....

    @Patty O.--I think that's what put me over the edge.

    @Anonymous--that's so funny how it's reversed for us...maybe you could send your painters my way? ;)

  15. @Not Just Another Mother Blogger!---I never thought of that...haha!


    @bbsmum---OMG, that's so funny, I have the same slippers!!! The one's with sticky dots on the bottom so I don't slip! My poor kids don't stand a chance, do they? LOL And you so totally can come to the booze party, I'll have your slippers waiting for you. ;)

  16. Ugh, I hate rude workers.

    I don't mind shoes in the house though. We usually take ours off now that I think about it but I don't insist on it.

  17. Hahaha. I'm gonna remember the term "hell-can". I hate Wal-Mart too.

    Here's my latest peeve... My daughter's friend took off her shoes, but left greasy footprints on my wood floor. She had been to a tanning salon before coming to my house. Ugh!

  18. My mother had it right: She just screeched hysterically at people who wore their shoes in the house. It kind of sucked for me to be a really sensory sensitive kid in that situation, and she was also absolutely flippin' nuts, but it worked like a charm.

    As long as your kids aren't around, I'd let it fly.

    If you need some pointers, I'm happy to send along an MP3 file of my impersonation of my mother. It freaks out both my husband and my daughter, so I know it's good.

  19. I hate it when people ask me to remove my shoes inside, but I do it (grudgingly). But you can bet that if I were getting paid to wander around someone's house I'd remove my shoes the instant they asked me to.

  20. @WhisperingWriter--that's just it, this guy was a tool.

    @DeeAnn--OK, that IS worse than leaving on the shoes!!

    @Rachel--Something tells me I'd get along smashingly with your mother, you know, after the initial fear wears off! ;)

    @Sharyn--You know what's weird is I don't like taking my shoes off at other peoples places either--I'm a hypocrite! Oh nooooo! LOL


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