Ear Rape.
By definition it's the forced act of listening to an unwanted movie, song or You-tube video that your children insist on hearing. In order to maintain a modicum of sanity, peace and prevent meltdowns, you unwittingly comply.
My ears have been raped in this fashion since last year.
I have it memorized. All of it.
Every Single Word.
Every once in a while I try throwing myself a bone and I'm all like, "Hey guys, do you wanna watch Twelve Dancing Princesses or Swan Lake?"
My tactic is simple really, go for the weakest link.
Lizzy.
The girls gotta cave for Barbie sooner or later.
So after I ask them about Barbie, they both look back at me, then each other, and say in synchrony, "Nope!"
I swear it's collusion. They're working together. I just know it.
Yesterday when Alex was looking for the remote I got all excited and was like, "Hey, you guys wanna watch Barbie, right?" Right??
"Nope!" Again in unison.
Those little bastards.
But there was something else. I could see it in their faces, they were up to something.
"We still want to watch Robots, mom, but this time in French. It says right here it can be watched in multiple different languages." Alex says while tapping the DVD case. Clearly proud of this new found discovery.
Tap, tap tap.
Sigh.
They are little bastards.
So that's why my ears have been raped all over again, except this time in French.
So now you're being subjected to le viol de l'oreille.
ReplyDeleteSince you already have the movie memorized, look at it as an opportunity to pick up a second language. It looks good on your resume.
lol
ReplyDeleteWhy do you have two noses? Ones for blowing ones for showing.
Just thought I'd share in my own madness.
I have memorized all three movies of Jurassic Park....Racer loves those dinos
It could be worse. It would be The Night at the Roxberry. Yes, that is what I have to listen to all of the time. "WHAT IS LOVE?! BABY DON'T HURT ME... DON'T HURT ME.. NO MORE" *sobs*
ReplyDeleteHoney, I feel your pain. This is why God invented earplugs. I use the Sonic Defenders, although the Flent's foam ones work very well, too.
ReplyDeleteThen again, French is a beautiful language, especially if you don't understand it.
So they haven't figure out that they more than likely can do this on the t.v. at home yet...I'm telling you-your life isn't quite complete until you watch "Spongebob" in Spanish...welcome to my world! I don't feel so alone anymore!!!
ReplyDeleteI have a teenager. She loves Justin Beiber. Need I say more?
ReplyDeleteIm so sorry for you Accidental Expert. There should be a relief fund for parents like you.
ReplyDeleteI love that I now have a name for what happens to me on a very regular basis. Ear Rape. That is sheer genius. And it's what I deal with when the stupid Transformer song comes on and then it's running through my head all day and night long.
ReplyDeleteI have never seen the Lion King in it's entirety but I think I could recited it if prompted lol also, The new adventures of Pippi longstocking, Carebears in wonderland and labrynth.
ReplyDelete@Grace--Haha!
ReplyDelete@RacersMommy--Aunt Fanny, we were using our arms....Jurassic park--I'm not sure that's any better than Robots.
@Rhonda--Ok, I'm sorry. That IS worse than Robots!
@Rachel--LOL yeah, it is pretty, except for when they make those spitty sounds...
@kathleen--if my kids find out about that I'm going to DIE.
@Accidental Expert--I'M SO SORRY.
@Patty O.--great, now the Transformer's song is stuck in MY head... ;)
@IWASNTBLOGGEDYESTERDAY--The lion king--ohhh, can you do the songs?!? That would be awesome! ;)
this is hysterical...I have a similar issue. My boys insist on watching Finding Nemo in the van. Except they really love to watch it with the "audio commentary" option. Therefore, I don't even get to hear the actual movie. I just get to hear the creators and director talking about the movie
ReplyDeleteI am kinda glad we don't have a fancy dvd player in the car. I really do think that is the one thing that would truly make me go mad. Robots is one of Ben's favs. Thankfully, he watches it at home and I can leave the room.
ReplyDeleteWell, now I wanna watch the movie. I've never seen it. :)
ReplyDeleteI hate to disappoint you but it can only get worse. I used to video MTV when it still played music. One of the videos still works, after TEN Years of being played every day for Smiley. It starts with Hearsay and ends with Destiny's Child. That's all you need to know xx
ReplyDeleteOMG! I'm laughing so hard! I have been ear raped many times these last two years, by Kung Fu Panda, Finding Nemo, Toy Story, etc. The first thirty times, no problem. Now...I want to stick an ice pick in my ear!
ReplyDeleteI feel your pain!
Ear rape? I knew there was a name for it!! We have a little mix going on our DVD with some Spongebob, Jimmy Neutron, Sesame Street, Diego and Penguins of Madagascar. Trust me, you haven't lived til you've heard the Diego Theme Song 25 times in a row! I too, know every line but have not actually seen the video portions. I waved the white flag long ago. I'm not sure I'd rather hear Barbie over French Robots though...
ReplyDeleteI feel you. In 2001 we took a trip from Florida to Maine and back. Listened to the Barney and Friends VHS blare from the back seat on a perpetual loop. I now know what hell will be like when I get there.
ReplyDelete@Danielle--mine did that for a bit but declared it "BORING" after the first 10 seconds!!!
ReplyDelete@Jen--I would love to be able to leave the car while it's playing...
@DeeAnn--thing is, it's a GOOD movie!! Go see it, once, you'll love it!
@Looking for Blue Sky--Uggghhh.
@Not Just Another Mother Blogger!--pass the ice pick please! I wonder if we could file charges against Disney?!? Just a thought....
@Karen V.--Ugggh, Diego makes me want to hurl.
@Big Daddy--Oh Lord, I AM SO SORRY. That dinosaur is the devil incarnate.
Seriously...I am LMHO.
ReplyDeleteI know that pain, oh believe me I KNOW that pain.
For the past 10 year I have had NOTHING but POKEMON. When *AJ grew out of it, it was then my *CAL, that became obsessed with it.
Also we have had SHREK in German...nonstop.
Then Alvin and the chipmunks also in German.
Moving on to Arthur and the invisibles in spanish.
My Girl insists on pausing them as well so she can draw scenes from the film.
My one method of reasoning is with myself, I say...I can block it, they are learning in there own way. I can do this, I'm a patient and loving individual. Then I get lost in the computer or put on headphones.
@Lisa---I love it, in German!!! I got a giggle as I use Alex's headphones to block out his noises when I'm at home too!!!
ReplyDelete