Friday, May 6, 2011

I have a little guessing game...

Sometimes my kids say the most inopportune things at the most inappropriate times.  Sure it's usually because I said it at some point when I thought they were out of range, but that's not the point. 

I'm usually standing there looking around at my kids like they belong to someone else.  It would go much better if the were milling around a little further away from me.  I'm still working on that. 

Anyway, I've come up with some of their phrases, and mine, over the past week to give you an idea of my glorious lifestyle.

Guess who said what:

  • Nice under panties, can I shove mine up my butt?
  • OK, who pooped on the seat?
  • NEXT!
  • Get your finger out of your sister's mouth.  I don't care what's on it. Wait, Wait, STOP!!!
  • When you're done killing Zombies it's time for bed.
  • Hey look, she ate it!  She really ate it!!!  Cooool.
  • Don't run over your sister.  I don't care how easy it is.
  • Perhaps you're not trying hard enough.  You should try again and think about that.
  • Mama...mamma....bird???
  • Stop 'Nexting' me.  It's not nice.
  • You have a big butt hole.  Did you know as you get bigger you get a bigger butt hole?  Since you have a big butt, your butt hole must be really big mom. 
  • I'm sorry at this time your request can not processed.  Please try again later.
  • Son of a bitch, now what?
  • Aaaaccccckkkk!!!!!!!!!  Mommmmm!!!  Aaaaaaccccckkkkk!!!!!!! Mom!!!!  MOM! MOM! MOM! The fontains are on!!! THE FOUNTAINS ARE ON!!!!!!!  Stop the car!!  Accckkkk!!!  The fountains are on!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Oh shit, I think I just pissed myself.
  • Mom can you make it stop crying?  It's hurting my ears...
  • We've been through this before, do not yell at me while I'm driving unless one of you are puking or dying.  Those are the rules.
  • Next.  Next.  NEXT!  Flicks wrist.
  • Zac you can come over to my house and look for ghosts any time.  That's right any time you want.  Lord, those boys are easy on the eyes....
  • This is most definitely not what I had ordered for breakfast.
  • You know hon, just because I can't see you doesn't mean I can't hear you...
  • Wow mom, your legs are fuzzy as a bear.
  • I'm gliding' in your sweet little thighs.  It's such a clear day....

You didn't really think I was going to fess up to anything, did you???


  1. I'm so lucky I only have one kid to pick up my bad language. Yesterday was "Well how in the hell am I gonna do that?" Yep, said by the boy. Don't know where he could have heard that. Now I think my favorite of yours has got to be the under pants one...ROFL!!

  2. LOL! I love these. It's so good to know there's another mom out there who, um, doesn't mince words.

    This one is definitely my fave:

    "We've been through this before, do not yell at me while I'm driving unless one of you are puking or dying. Those are the rules."

    That's bumper sticker material, right there.

  3. OMG what amazing kids
    you have me laughing out loud

  4. Oh these are so familiar. Every one of them. The "I'm sorry at this time your request can not processed. Please try again later." I get "Please hang up and try your operator." And the "it" thing. Oh Lord. I love a woman with a big butt and hairy legs...who doesn't?

  5. This one should be the title of your book:

    "Don't run over your sister. I don't care how easy it is."

  6. This reminds me- we were talking about you the other day. When we went to A's developmental pediatrician, there was a huge fountain right outside the office. How perfect is that?

    Funny list.

  7. Love them all!! It's great that there's enough of them to go around. There are a couple there that I'm hoping are the kids' and not yours! ;)

  8. Good stuff. Very inspirational! You've got me thinking about typical phrases used around our house. Haha.

  9. That butt hole to butt size ratio thing is a little concerning.

  10. questions:

    1. Did you find out who pooped on the seat?
    2. What was happening next?
    3. What was crying?
    4. Time for a diet and leg shave?

    Nice job. Nice job. Now turn on a fountain.

  11. I am so NOT asking about the gliding and thighs..just not-nope. But the rest? Yup-been still kids are learning bad habits from me!

  12. Nice! My favorite is and always will be: "Please stop slapping your vagina."

  13. Those are hysterical. It is so important to write them all down too. Imagine how heartbreaking it will be if our kids end up being polite and careful with their words.

  14. Okay, I'm home with them today. Can I copy your post idea?

  15. @Flannery--he heard it from his FATHER, that's who!!! LOL

    @Rachel--hummm a bumper sticker....

    @K-floortime lite mama--Gald I can help! ;)

    @Lynn--our husband's are lucky men...LOL

    @Sharyn--book?!? hummm, i'll think on that!

    @Christy---ohhhh, a fountain!?! did you get a picture?!? that's so cool!

    @ Karen V.--I will admit to nothing so not to incriminate myself...

  16. @DeeAnn--I can't want to see what's said at your house!

    @BDA--I KNOW!!!

    2-clorox wipes
    3-the baby, OK, it was me....
    4-No diet and no shave--not till I can braid...

    @Kathleen, go the link...

    @The Twin Spin--that's got mine beat! HaHa!!

    @Noonie--I really hope I'm raising my kids better than that! ;)

    @Brain--yes but I expect tons of links back--haha!! kidding, have fun with it!

  17. These are all awesome, regardless of who said them. I hope at least a few of them were said in public, with at least 2 or 3 little old ladies within earshot.

  18. No picture this time, but I'm so getting one for you when we go back for the follow-up in a month.

  19. These are HILARIOUS. Happy Mother's Day Lizbeth! <3


Comments make me all squishy but remember to be nice. If you're not nice then what you said goes *poof.* There's your warning.