Wednesday, May 25, 2011

The tale of the two robins

We have a bird problem at this house. 

On the one had, we have this little robin that keeps bashing it's brains out on our front dining room window.  Every day.  For the past two months.  This horrible little thing is crapping all over my window sills and is making a gawd awful mess.  Its disgusting and slightly painful to watch.

It was even bashing it's head in when we sat down to Easter dinner. The thing is relentless.

The other bird is dead. 

Here's its story.

We were on our way out to I don't know where and I had Lizzy and Alex in the car with me.  I was rambling on about something, probably how it was nice to finally see the sun and then I see this bird come flying at us.  I'm thinking surely to God it's going to swerve down and right up and over.  Right?  Right?? 

I mean, it can't be aiming for us, can it?  They miss cars all the time.  Right?  Right??


On The Windshield.

A small poof of feathers get swooshed up and over the top of the car, along with the bird. 

All in slow motion.

I sat clutching the steering wheel praying the kids didn't see it. 

There's silence.  I think I'm in the clear.

Please, please, please.... 

Then, out of the bowels of the minivan: 

AAAAACCCCKKKK!!!!!!  MOM  YOU JUST HIT THAT BIRD.  YOU KILLED IT!  ACCCCKKKK.  You killed it, mom!  You killed it!  Aaaaaahhhhh.....que heavy sobbing and heaving from Lizzy.

Now I just going to take a little moment here to tell you this:  That Godammed bird flew into my car.  It was aiming for us.  Jonesing.  It committed suicide.  It flew into us.  I did not drive into it.

Lizzy's sobbing and blubbering.  She's ramping up for a good one. 

I'm wondering if we still have puke buckets back there she's going at it that hard.

Without looking up from his I-touch Alex says, "Mom can you make it stop crying.  It makes my ears hurt."  He proceeds to turn up the volume on his I-touch to block out the screaming.

And that, my friends, was our drive to I don't know where. 

And no, the irony did not go past me that this was not the bird shitting all over my windows. 



  1. Seriously, what is it with you over there? Birds stalking you, twisters, fat jogging you live in some kind of vortex, or alternate universe?

    I'm afraid I can't ever visit you, because my life might be in danger.

    Are you safe right now???

  2. Flannery took the words right out of my mouth. What is it with you being accosted by crazed wildlife?? If it's not rabid deer, it's suicidal birds.

    Did you get to the puke bucket in time? And how loud do you have to turn up an iTouch to drown out the sounds of puking?

  3. Hey, I've got a bird, actually one every season, that drills into my windows. It would be comical if it weren't so annoying. Birders tell me that its mating season, and that the bird is attracted to its own reflection, in a Narcissus sort of way. I thought it was just the one species initially, but after we've had an assortment of birds, each spring, pull the same stunt, I've come to realize that they're all equally dense, or at least equally stuck up.

    Can't help you on the bird bashing. Hasn't happened to me yet.

    Good luck on both.

  4. We used to have a cardinal that flew into our kitchen window every day in the spring and summer. We taped some pieces of packing tape on the window to signal "this is a window, stupid," but to no avail.

    I Googled "male cardinal smashing into window" and found out that when the male sees his reflection, he thinks it's another male, so he tries to fight with it and make it fly away. Of course, all that happens is that he annoys the hell out of himself and everyone else.

    I've seen cardinals do the same thing with my driver's side mirror. It's a wonder the species survives.

    Sorry about the kamikaze robin. Natural selection at work, I guess.

  5. This is a time you have to have great appreciation for Alex's reaction! I love this kid.

    Of course, I would have probably reacted like Lizzy but if I was the actual bird murderer in this whole scenario (not that I'm saying you murdered the bird - ahem - of course not!) then I would tend to have this delight with Alex's indifference to it all. So sorry! Btw, who got rid of the evidence- I mean cleaned the windshield? ;)

  6. We had a similar bird/car incident -- with similar reactions from my kids. Hmmm, maybe Alfred Hitchcock was on to something...

  7. I think you did that bird a favor. One time, I hit 2 birds who were mating. Might as well go out in style.

  8. Okay, Seriously? EXACT SAME THING HERE. Just not in the same year. Last year a bird hit me too - and C was in the car, and I thought he was going to flip out. I tried to make it funny that this bird had just flown right into sorta worked, but not completely.

    But here, we've had this bird peck on our window every day for months. We finally realized it was pecking at its shadow, thinking it competition for mating season. It finally stopped a week or two ago. Or it died. :-P

  9. My dad actually had a frisking blue herron hit the windshield of his truck. Totally shattered the window. See, it could have been much worse! Still, I feel your pain. :)

  10. I heard that when birds do that, they are sick, otherwise their instincts would take over and they would have flew out of the path of your car.

  11. I am ashamed to say this, but we live near a pond and my 19 year old daughter actually aims for ducks crossing the road. She hates them that bad. (That can't be normal for a girl, can it?)

  12. Oh, this reminds me of a similar bird incident I had a few years ago. I had to drive over a bird (couldn't avoid it otherwise I would have crashed) and one of my then young children asked me what the bump was. I had to sort of pretend that it wasn't a bird otherwise there would have been a meltdown of sorts on the backseat. We were at a stage where my children used to get hysterical about any sort of bird dying or being eaten by the cat.

  13. We had a bird like the first one last winter. He came around so much that we even named him... Hector. He had a Facebook page and fans.

    It took a while to figure out, but the damn thing was eating the fermented holly berries off the bush in front of the window, getting drunk, and spending an hour or two bashing his head. Ahhhh... nature.

  14. @Flannery--I must live in a vortex. I saw your comment and then had to run the basement---tornado. No, I cannot make this shit up! Formed right overhead...

    @Grace--I don't know how loud the I-touch went to. I started going "LA LA LA..." at the top of my lungs. Not one of my prouder moments.

    @Teresa--I figured it was a mating thing...we had this wild turkey do the same thing up in NOrth Dakota. Shook the sliding glass door!

    @Rachel--natural selection indeed!

    @Karen V.--I just sprayed the windshield with cleaner...ick.

    @Accidental Expert--Haha!

    @Brian---now if you hit three birds, well I have to tell you, I'd be impressed.

    @Darcy---and strangely I'm hoping it died...

    @Kelly--Oh God, it could be a lot worse....I'd like to see that insurance claim!

    @DeeAnn--Perfectly normal in my book but I've been deemed crazier than a loon so take that for what it's worth....

    @Deb--Ugggh, those dead animal bumps are the worst!

    @Mom2LIttleMiss--drunk wildlife, now I'd like to see that on YouTube.....

  15. You crack me up, but poor bird.
    Is the other one it's mate seeking revenge.
    Have you seen the film, The Birds.
    Love you loads.
    Lisa. xxx :)

  16. The robin at your window is a boy looking for a mate--he's "attacking" a rival, which is really his reflection in the window. Not a lot of birds in Mensa, it would seem. I am told that cardinals do the same thing with car mirrors.

    I am sorry that your daughter was upset about the bird! I hit two doves at the same time, the exact same way. You were lucky that the windshield didn't crack, I think!

  17. @Lisa--xxoo right back at ya!

    @Not Just Another Mother Blogger--see, that proves my theory-girls ARE smarter than boys!!!

  18. "It" makes my ears hurt? Make it stop crying?? It puts the lotion in the basket..." heehee..I too have had "suicide birds" fly into my car..but as for the one who keeps trying to get in tour house? Perhaps he wants to perch on your..uhhhh..nipple ring thingies...:)


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