Monday, September 5, 2011

Oh My God I'm on fire! Ouch. Ouch! Somebody put me out!!! Anybody? Anybody?!?

Karen over at Ow, my angst kindly awarded me with a very special award and like a good friend it took me a few weeks to get my act together and claim it.  I'm on FI-YAH.  Or something cool like that.  

Anyway, having the mental acuity of a three year old right now I don't remember how I found karensomtingorother but I'm glad I did.  Among other things, you'd swear we were separated at birth, have the exact same kid and live the exact same experiences.  It's like she's me in another dimension, except she's funnier.  Now I"m stuck on this other dimension thing.  Hey, it could happen.  I could have a portal stone in my back yard.  You just never know....

Anyway, you know the drill.  I tell you seven things you don't already know about me (but now that you've read them you can't get them out of your mind and you'll never look at me in the same light again) and I pass the award on to a few lucky victims.  I'll wait as you scroll down to see if I nailed you.

Now that you're back, here ya go.  A few thing you wished you never knew about me...
  1. I like tampons better than pads.  See I told you, you'd never get this out of your head.  Ever.  Your welcome.  
  2. I told off Emma's mom from the other day.  I really tried keeping my mouth shut but when she made some lame-ass excuse about cancelling the play-date I Went Off and told her, among other things, she could, "Put it in her daughter's community service log."  Yes, I really told her that.  I'm not proud but Good Lord in Heaven, God Almighty did that feel good.  
  3. I'm a summer girl and am not looking forward to winter.  I'm always amazed I made it out of North Dakota alive.  Notice I didn't say sane, just alive?  
  4. I don't wake up pretty.  I need a cup of coffee plus a good ten minutes till I am even approachable.  Even then, its best to err on the side of caution.   
  5. I'm a total type A with the house.  I like to have everything neat and clean which falls in exact opposition to having three small kids.  
  6. I secertly like to bash the neighbor about having a sucktastick yard.  They've had a dead tree in the front yard for over a year.  The real irony?  Even with all the storms we've had (we don't have small storms in Kansas) not a single one has knocked that damn tree out of the ground.  I know it's staying put to spite me.
  7. And the last bit of information and a real kicker:  My mom has found my blog.  "Hi mom!!  I'm on to you.  You can quit lurking in the background and stalk me out in the open."  I don't care.  I will not shut this site down and move over to Wordpress like I said I would.  I just started figuring out Blogger and I don't have the mental fortitude to try and learn something new.   
I know there are several of you laughing your ASSES off right now.  Go on, yuck it up.  YUCK IT UP.  I know you're rolling on the ground right now, next to your chair trying hard not to piss yourselves.  Don't you wish you were wearing a Poise right now?

And now I shall exact revenge and name you below.  

Flannery over at Living on the Spectrum: The Connor Chronicles.  You know every meme I get you're going to be next.  I don't know how or why but I always name you.  Now it's more like tradition and I have to name you.  It's gotten to the point where if I don't name you, I'm afraid I may offend you by NOT listing you.  

Grace over at That'sRightISaidIt.Dot.Mom.  What can I say, I love ya lady.  Consider this an easy way to make stuff up, you know, how you love public service perosnelle or something.  I don't know, say what you will, I'll still read it.  I love your blog.     

Allie over at Little Baby Fields.  She is just a sweeite who never cusses, has a beautiful family and I still love her for it.  I often wonder how she can stomach all my F-bombs.  Allie, I am working on it.  

And DeeAnn over at Snippets 'N Stuff.  I love hearing about Cody and her general take on life.  It's refreshing and reminds me how insane I really am.  

There ya go, that should do it.  

Now go on and give me a hard time in the comment section.  


  1. Yay. You told off Emma's mom! I love it,love it, LOVE IT. Now, every time I hear of community service, I'll think of what you said. ;)

    I KNEW your mom would read your blog someday. It kinda throws things for a loop, right? I have to be careful not to say anything sexual or crude because I know my mom reads mine. Oh well. They are probably our biggest fans.

    Thanks sooo much for the award (note: sarcasim in my voice here).

  2. Yay for putting that woman in her place!

    Thanks for the lovely award. You almost make me want to cuss but they made me superglue my halo back together when I married the preacher's son. Damnit.

  3. Seriously? You told off Emma's mother? To heck with it--you can have ALL of the orange gummi bears! My husband will just have to wait until the next bag.

    I don't think that my mother has any idea what a blog is. It's probably better that way. Lord knows what sort of mischief she could get into on the interwebs!

  4. Thisis not to sa that I am not interested in your feminine hygiene preferences or the other five fun factoids, but what did Emma's momma have to say for herself?

    My mom is a reader and took an opportunity to leave a pms psa on one of my posts...I am almost over it!

  5. oh you are going to love me, I have just awarded you Versitile blogger award, come and see why you will love me so much by popping over to my blog x

  6. Oh no. Don't stop cussing!

    Ablation... so much better than tampons.

  7. You have three kids and manage to keep your house clean? How? How?

  8. I gave up memes a long time ago.

  9. Oh my GOD, your mom found your blog?! I figured it was already a matter of time. Let the wrath rain down...
    And I was also wondering about the house thing..I only have two and I have just recently decided to give up, once and for all. Good for you, though!

  10. Emma's mom is a douche, so HAHAHA for telling her off!!

    And thanks, THANKS for keeping tradition alive and dragging me down into the meme pile with you. Great, now I have to think....

    HI LIZBETH'S MOM!!!! So nice to see you. We've all been enjoying Lizbeth's humor. We hope you enjoy it too, because there's some funny stuff about you. With curse words, even.

  11. @DeeAnn--It was just a matter of time, wasn't it???


    @NJAMB!--That's good but I'll share the gummies...

    @Andrea--OMG about eh mom thing and yes I'm covering mouth in horror!

    @The Rambling Pages--Thank you, I think!

    @Pam--I'll have to look into ablation....

    @Healthy Mom Project--Well, let me preface, I didn't say it was clean, just that I try!!!

    @Mike--Oh, you're almost guaranteed to get nailed the next time one goes out.... :)

    @Allison--Haha! I try to keep things clean but usually it's a mess. Sigh...

    @Flannery--Oh, any meme you know you're going down....just's like a family Thanksgiving but worse. Much worse.

  12. If your mom is anything like my dad, she will make a few sideways comments about your unnecessarily vulgar language and then stop reading altogether because she thinks the whole thing is complete garbage. Then you can stop worrying about it and really let it fly. Whew!

    Thank you for passing this award on to me. I need more bling on my pathetic little blog. I'm a bit stumped, though, because I've already shamelessly given away all of my secrets on my blog. And I'm gonna have to come up with something better than Flannery, which may or may not be possible.

    @ILoveShelling - Is ablation like a poor girl's menopause? If so, count me in!!

  13. Hey Gurl - you need to do a blogpost about the Big Tell Off! I need to know how you handled it. I am dying to know. I know all your other minions are too. So. C'mon...enlighten us already!

    PS: However you did it, Good Job!

  14. Don't we all like tampons over pads? I hate pads.

    If my mom found my blog, I think I'd throw up.

  15. OMG I FREAKING LURV IT: you told off Emma's mom! Love the community service comment. That's some intelligent snark, and intelligent snark is IRREFUTABLE, BITCHES.

    I am compelled to comment on more of your list: you ARE TOO, damn funny (get it--not that you're too damn funny, that's me being a like a kid shouting "you are too!" Okay, that was tedious).

    I too prefer tampons but now have this fear that they dam up my lady tsunami too much thus creating extra days of period enjoyment. That's my unscientific hypothesis that's probably a load of crap.

    I'm wondering if your mom finding your blog is as ookey as MY DAD SUDDENLY APPEARING on my blog friends list. Ack. Luckily he never actually reads.

    good post and kudos for taking as long to get to these things as I do! It makes me so happy.

  16. p.s. I too don't love memes. That's why when it said I was supposed to pass it on to 10 other bloggers, I said eff that and passed it on to who I wanted to.

    yeah, I'm a rebel.

  17. Hmmmm......only a good 10 minutes before you are approachable huh? I need 60!
    I'm with you for the others though - except my mom doesn't even know how to turn on her computer that I bought her. Oh I have tried - it's now hopeless. So I can talk about her all I want now...she'll never see it. :-)

  18. I am so PROUD of you for telling off Emma's mom!!! I was thinking about your story half the weekend and it made me so MAD!

    ... Oh yeah, and my husband wants to thank you for screwing up our anniversary celebration -- something about me being in a mad mood all weekend ;-P

  19. Yea for telling her off!!! My mom reads my blog too- and my dad and my in-laws, and well way too many people I know- it makes me behave I guess :)

  20. You are so my comeback hero! You say the best things to people who need to just suck it (sorry Lizbeth's Mom).

  21. I'm so glad you're not into tagging me..yet. My parents and in-laws read my blog too, so I'm seriously considering setting another one up in secret - you know, there are some things they just don't need to know ;) thanks for the giggle :)


Comments make me all squishy but remember to be nice. If you're not nice then what you said goes *poof.* There's your warning.