Monday, February 7, 2011

The Great State of Kansas...

A baby in motion stays in motion, until the box stops.

I'd like to say we had a fantastic weekend.  We didn't.  It sucked.  It sucked so bad that at one point I looked at my husband and said I'll be upstairs.  Only I stayed up there for three hours.  Later I looked at him and said I gotta get out of here.  NOW.  And I left for three more hours...

Maybe it was because Red Robe left me this present on her way out of town. 

Look, the washer's jam packed too.

Maybe it was because my sister ditched me and the kids at the last minute and backed out of babysitting because she just wasn't feeling it today.

Maybe because when I did make the stupid mistake of coming downstairs I saw the baby being flung out of a box--face first, smacking the ground.  A pause.  A scream.  Blood pouring out of her mouth. 

Maybe because this house has been under construction for so fucking long I've lost track of where anything lives.  So when I go looking for a flashlight I trip over the power washer and all the other crap that should be in our basement like two sofa's, two end tables, about twenty boxes and four shelving units.

Maybe its because when I finally find a flashlight and come in from the garage, I see my husband already using one looking in Gracie's mouth.  The baby's still bloody and screaming.

Lizzy's sobbing, she knows she's done something really bad and it's only a matter of time before I turn on her. 

The whole time Alex is quoting us facts about the state of Kansas.  His frigging teacher pumped him full of useless facts about the Great State of Kansas and he's now spewing them back at us.

Maybe it's because dinner was precariously close to setting off the fire alarm.  That would have been the only thing that would have shut up the great flow of Kansas crap coming out of my son's mouth. 

Out of the 5 teeth that are in Gracie's head she managed to carve a hole in her bottom lip and both gums.

I looked at my husband and said, I gotta get out of this house.  NOW.  I took the keys and left.  Left him with two screaming kids and one oblivious to the whole situation, still prattling on about the Great State of Kansas.

I went to the only place I know I can go looking like utter crap and fit in.  WalMart.  I stayed there for three hours.  Feeling totally ashamed for leaving yet knowing I was so close to completely fucking loosing it. 

And maybe because of an ugly little truth---how for a brief few moment I wanted a life without kids, without all the angst and all the shit that comes with it.  For a brief moment.

Until I came home and Lizzy, timid, almost shyly says, "why'd you leave?" and hugs my legs without reservation.  And Alex, dear Alex says, "Mom, did you know I wasn't done with Kansas?"


  1. Oh Geez,
    I'm feeling your pain.
    Every word of that had me nodding in agreement.
    Our situations are different but oh my goodness life can suck sometimes!
    I wouldn't blame you for losing it!'
    I hope your bubby heals quickly.
    Sending you massive cyber hugs and hoping that you never have another day like this again!!!
    Fi xx

  2. Thanks Fi, there are some days when you wake up, smack your head into the wall on your way to the loo and you just know the day's gonna tank--it was one of those days!! I'm happy to say I've snapped out of it, hugs back to you--L


Comments make me all squishy but remember to be nice. If you're not nice then what you said goes *poof.* There's your warning.