All kids stay in their room until 7:00 AM. Period.
I don't care if you're sleeping, playing chess or dismantling an atom bomb but you stay in your frigging rooms till 7:00 AM.
We were having this teensy-tiny problem. The kids thought it was great sport to come pole vaulting into bed with us at the ass-crack-of-dawn. So instead of sleeping, I wound up getting dive bombed by an eight year old, arm wrestling for blankets and getting kneed in the intestines for a better spot in the bed. The whole time Alex was telling me to, "SCOOT OVER. THAT'S MY SPOT. I SAID SCOOT OVER!" in something that I'm sure was an inside voice but at the ass-crack-of-dawn anything louder than a whisper in my book is an outside voice.
After a few months of this I went unhinged and proclaimed for all who would hear: THERE WILL BE NO MORE MINIONS IN BED WITH US AT NIGHT. YOU MAY ONLY ENTER THE HOLY CHAMBER IF THE CLOCK SAYS ITS AFTER 7:00 AM. OR IF YOU ARE DYING. OR PUKING. OR DYING AND PUKING. IF YOU'RE DYING OR PUKING THEN GO SEE YOUR FATHER.
All three of my children scoffed at me and were in the bed with us at 6:21 AM the next morning. I hauled each and every one of my little ass-holes back to their own rooms, stomped my way back to my own room, slammed my door shut and proceeded to stew and cuss until exactly 7:00 AM.
At which time I was met by Alex proclaiming, "IT IS NOW 7:00 AM. SCOOT OVER."
After a few rough mornings I thought we were doing pretty well. Sure there were a few mornings where we were stalked outside our door like wild safari animals but we survived and they respected the door to the holy chamber.
We had an ugly truce but I was happy. I didn't care. I was getting sleep!
And then came Daylight Savings Time.
I cannot begin to tell you the many and varied ways I'd like to slowly disembowel, skin, cook, torture, flambae, whatever the asshat who started Daylight Saving Time.
Now, every morning, I am told that at exactly 6:00 AM it is really 7:00 AM.
And to SCOOT OVER.
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| This has nothing to do with anything, its just a random photo to give you something to "Ohh" and "Ahh" over. |
Note: They are working on the window's in the office and family room right now so I've been kicked out. It's not yet topped 45 degrees so I'm off to take the baby to Target and keep warm...I'll pop by all your blogs as soon as I can get back in my house!!!
Now if you can help me with that same plan for a dog. Jeez she doesn't understand this 7am shit.
ReplyDeleteShe gets up at 5:30a every friggin' morning and wags her labrador tail on the bed until you think you are in a cheap hotel that vibrates. With this stupid daylight savings time it took us a full week to get her to sleep until the new 5:30am....every morning at 4:30 she was waking us up. Time to go out, time to feed me, time to play. I need to teach her to tell time damn it.
this project is STILL going on??
ReplyDeleteIt makes me laugh when people call their kids assholes.
I also HATE daylight savings time but only in the spring - in the fall, it's my friend. My son loves to sleep so this is not a problem for us - he takes after his dad. He likes to stay up late and get up late. Maybe keep Alex up a few hours longer? ;)
ReplyDelete(Who needs an excuse to go to Target?)
we have that rule about 7am too. i had to implement that when we found her up watching the antiques road show a couple times around 3am. i guess 3am dark is no different than 6am dark to a kid who can't tell time. so now at 6 she can play quietly in her room with light on & door closed. at 7 she can come out. before 6, only peeing or sleeping are allowed to happen.
ReplyDeleteone good thing about aspies is their willingness to follow rules.
Sayyyyy...I may try that "Holy Chamber" trick.
ReplyDeleteNah. It'd never work. Especially not during Daylight Savings.
I hate Daylight saving too... I wish that they would move it half an hour so in the middle of the two timeshifts and just LEAVE IT THERE!!! like seriously... it's really annoying!
ReplyDeleteMy eldest got up for school at 5:30 after the time shift and was eating his breakfast as not to be late for the bus. My cat busted him and came and woke up my husband (yes I trained my cat well lol!)
so my DH put my son back to bed! ROL (Roar of laughter)
Love
Mel
xxx
LOL I am amused. SCOOT OVER! ;)
ReplyDeleteYou crack me up. Maybe you need to use the B-Emergency theory that we tell the Kindergarten kids. "Do not inturrupt unless it is a B-emergency...blood, barf or bathroom."
ReplyDeleteI hear ya sister. Luckily, Little Miss does not yet understand clocks, but the drain on her system (and ours) has been palatable. Right now, she is busily trashing her room (she was yawning at my parents house and tried to go to sleep there so I know she needs a nap). Sigh.
ReplyDeleteOh, and that asshat who invented daylight savings time? The first attribution goes to a satire written by Ben Franklin in the 1780's (although "real" DST was not introduced for almost another 100 years).
The time is what the clock says it is. The clock NOT reset by a kid.
ReplyDeleteI cannot figure out why we still go by DST. Clearly it was created by a man who never had to deal with putting his kids to bed or feeding them.
ReplyDeleteNice bird.
My kid has a permanent homeless camp set up in our bedroom...sleeping bag, blanket, pillow...on the floor, always. He shows up almost every night, sometime during the wee dark hours.
ReplyDeleteThen about 6 am, I start hearing whispering....he talks to the dingo, quietly, until she gets riled up and wants to play.
And then I freak out and kick them all out.
I don't know about you, but I'm plotting my revenge for later, when the boy is a teen. He's going to pay for every hour of sleep I've lost.
Lizbeth, I have been trying DESPERATELY to employ the 7 AM room. Because I can hear a pin drop now, in my sleep, and as soon as I hear the creaking of my daughter's bed above me, as she begins to flop around anywhere from 5:30 to 6:30, I know it's all over.
ReplyDeleteThen my hands go all tingly from stress.
I FREAKING HATE daylight savings time. Remember before kids when sleeping in was so awesome and an extra hour of sleep was so freaking awesome it was like a present, and now it's just horrid?
I can't even talk about this anymore.
Here's the question: do we even need DST anymore? I mean seriously. I still have several clocks that I have not set back. I just know on those clocks to subtract an hour. I figure why change them? I just have to do it again in six damn months! One more freaking thing to remember and do. God. AARRGH!
ReplyDeleteMost days I am sad that my kids are all getting older. But now when I get to sleep in, because they are teenagers and also still in bed, I am a little thankful! Your day will come! And then you will be yelling at them "Are you going to sleep until noon?"!!!
ReplyDeleteThe only thing I hate more than daylight savings time is seagulls. Good job putting both on one page. This one guy in a parking lot thought it would be sporting and fun to feed a seagull some french fries. Besides the obvious waste of quality junk food, there were like 50 of those bird/rats. And now they made a mess on our van. And it needs to
ReplyDeleteAh, these days I only have one who still climbs in bed with us. I spoil him rotten and thus, get no sleep. I am one grumpy gus...daylight savings or not.
ReplyDeleteHopefully your crew will acclimate soon so you and the seagull can get some sleep.
The good news - Because of DST, Lily is ready for bed by 7 PM. Nice. Because that means lots of time for mindless TV and reading and getting some stuff done without her help.
ReplyDeleteThe bad news - I'm not going to bed any earlier so while she's raring to go at 5:30 AM, I'm still drooling in my pillow.
And to think I used to love "Fall Back". Not this time....
Lizbeth,
ReplyDeleteafter a really crappy day, I just opened the email alert to this and sat here laughing my head off. Not AT you of course ;) but at the brilliant way that you write....You make me smile and laugh and howl like an idiot.
This one is going straight to my FB wall. All of my friends need to read your magnificence!
Give those children a good dose of melatonin. If that's not available, whiskey will do. And when (if??) you ever get your windows done, put up some light-blocking blinds. Preferably with a lead liner.
ReplyDelete@Peg--I swear dogs are about as bad as kids. They are just as persistent! Sigh.
ReplyDelete@JIm--still going on and not eve 1/2 way through. We have a LOT of windows...
@Karen V.--I wish! He's just as anal at the other end. It's 8:00, time for bed. It's 8:00!!!
@SherilinR--I know, thing is, mine hates the rule with the heat of 1,000 suns. Buuuut, he does follow it. Gives me a giggle he'll follow a rule he abhors!
@
@Karen--or bathroom is on the wall next to his and I swear he can hear when I get up to go pee! I totally know what you mean.
ReplyDelete@Kelly--that cracks me up and I have one or two clocks just like that. Now they're finally telling the "right" time!!!
@Heather--in some ways I can't wait for them to sleep in later but then I can see myself yelling at them to get up!! Haha!
@Brian--the things I do for you...anything else you want me to tackle?!?
@Fi--Muwwah! Love ya like the sister who "gets" it. And to my other sisters, you guys get it, I know. Just add Fi to our family! And Fi you can back out of our "mess" we call family and run to the hills, I don't mind!
@Grace--Bangs head on desk--melatonin. I have to try that. For me AND the kids. Does it work?!?
I hate time changes so much! It tends to screw me up.
ReplyDeleteArizona doesn't do Daylight Savings Time... and it's nice and warm all year round. It could just be enough to make me move west.
ReplyDeleteMy son sleeps in my bed still so my problem is shoving him off of my side all night long. He did not sleep through the night til he was 4 years old and now at 10 years old he kicks me all night long but sleeps really well through the night ... even though I don't.
ReplyDeleteOh, crap, this is funny. I am sorry for your pain and I totally understand it, but you, my friend, are hysterical. Yes, the daylight savings geniuses have made many an enemy over here, as well.
ReplyDeleteUgh, daylights savings time. I want to know the trick to getting your kids to stay in their room until 7. Do I have to wait until they can tell time?
ReplyDeleteI hear you. I SO miss living in AZ, where they don't do DST. It was GREAT. A little dark in the winter mornings, and a little light a little too early in the summer, but still so worth it. Now, sadly, I'm stuck back in a bass-ackwards state that doesn't understand.
ReplyDelete