All kids stay in their room until 7:00 AM. Period.
I don't care if you're sleeping, playing chess or dismantling an atom bomb but you stay in your frigging rooms till 7:00 AM.
We were having this teensy-tiny problem. The kids thought it was great sport to come pole vaulting into bed with us at the ass-crack-of-dawn. So instead of sleeping, I wound up getting dive bombed by an eight year old, arm wrestling for blankets and getting kneed in the intestines for a better spot in the bed. The whole time Alex was telling me to, "SCOOT OVER. THAT'S MY SPOT. I SAID SCOOT OVER!" in something that I'm sure was an inside voice but at the ass-crack-of-dawn anything louder than a whisper in my book is an outside voice.
After a few months of this I went unhinged and proclaimed for all who would hear: THERE WILL BE NO MORE MINIONS IN BED WITH US AT NIGHT. YOU MAY ONLY ENTER THE HOLY CHAMBER IF THE CLOCK SAYS ITS AFTER 7:00 AM. OR IF YOU ARE DYING. OR PUKING. OR DYING AND PUKING. IF YOU'RE DYING OR PUKING THEN GO SEE YOUR FATHER.
All three of my children scoffed at me and were in the bed with us at 6:21 AM the next morning. I hauled each and every one of my little ass-holes back to their own rooms, stomped my way back to my own room, slammed my door shut and proceeded to stew and cuss until exactly 7:00 AM.
At which time I was met by Alex proclaiming, "IT IS NOW 7:00 AM. SCOOT OVER."
After a few rough mornings I thought we were doing pretty well. Sure there were a few mornings where we were stalked outside our door like wild safari animals but we survived and they respected the door to the holy chamber.
We had an ugly truce but I was happy. I didn't care. I was getting sleep!
And then came Daylight Savings Time.
I cannot begin to tell you the many and varied ways I'd like to slowly disembowel, skin, cook, torture, flambae, whatever the asshat who started Daylight Saving Time.
Now, every morning, I am told that at exactly 6:00 AM it is really 7:00 AM.
And to SCOOT OVER.
|This has nothing to do with anything, its just a |
random photo to give you something to "Ohh" and "Ahh" over.