Monday, November 7, 2011

Our driveway now has dumpster and porta-potty. Try beating that.

Because I've not yet had enough fun and excitement in my life already, I thought to myself, "Self, what can we do around here to shake things up a bit?  You know, really get the kids upset and all bent out of shape?  Something that will maximize our meltdown potential.  What?  You think we should get all new windows and doors?  Well swell, that sounds like a GREAT idea!   Cuz you know, we've just finished with the last remodel and had the dumpster removed from the driveway and now I'm bored."

And that's exactly what we did.

We're replacing every frigging window and door.

So that's why we have another dumpster in the driveway.  This time we kicked it up a notch and have a porta-potty out there as well.  Nothing says, "we're good neighbors don't ya wanna come live next to us" like a porta-potty on the drive.  It also says, "we're going to take so Goddammed long we need our own crapper."

You know what pissed Alex off the most?
The porta-potty has a lady on it.
  Now where are all the workers going to go poo??? 

And nothing kicks off a meltdown or triggers an epic upset than a change in routine or a change in the house.  I just can't wait till the kids get home from school and see the cluster that is going on in their comfort chamber.  Alex is going to shit his pants when he sees all the mess and construction.

Even better, I am waiting with bated breath till they do the windows in his room.  Lord, Christ Almighty can you even begin to see that meltdown?  I shutter just to think on it.

Oh shit, we didn't need that part, did we?
Oh shit, did she just hear that?
And add insult to injury, I forgot there were construction people in the house and went to take a pee.  I always keep the door open as the last time I closed it my little wandering gnome, called Gracie, was out the door and half way down the street before I had my pants pulled up.  So anyway, there I was peeing only to see a construction guy walk by.


Just frigging great.

Good think he was speaking Spanish.  I have no idea what the hell he just said.

And that my friends was construction day one.

God Help Us All.


  1. Not sure what's worse...getting caught midstream by the construction crew or seeing that porta potty sitting there taunting you?

    Can't wait to see the new windows and doors--I sure they'll be totally worth it :)

  2. Eek! You're a brave woman! Sounds like a nightmare in the making....but I do look forward to the funny posts!! Just think ot the end product...fabulous windows and doors:-)

    PS.... LOCK THE DOOR! Self imposed me-time will be an added bonus. Actually.... maybe you could hole up there for the duration??!

    xx Jazzy

  3. This sounds fun. We had our windows replaced last December. They did it in two days, while we were away at work and the kids were at school. You must have a wayyyyyy bigger house than we do.

  4. Wow, maybe you should just build a guest house for the construction crew to live in, since there's always some sort of demolition and reconstruction going on at your house.

    *Hi Lizbeth's Mom!*

    I guess you AND Gracie will be locked in the crapbox together for the next month, until they're done. Now that should be all kinds of fun.

  5. I love you. I just wanted to say that. Proud and out loud! I pee with the door open too. Haven't had the kids try to make a run for the border yet, but the possibility is there - always. Lurking...

    Yeah. Port-O-Potties make me meltdown and freak the frack out. So. Good luck with that! Keep us posted! :) ((HUGS))

  6. This is fantastic. The only thing you're missing is for an out-of-state cousin to show up, park his "good lookin'" RV in front of your house, and empty the shitter into the storm sewer. But Christmas will be here before we know it, so I'll hold out hope for you that this may yet happen.

    Won't you be, won't you be, oh please won't you be. . . . .my neighbor.

  7. HAHAHAHA!!!! Thank you for the laugh! I usually pee with the door open, too! You never know when there is a young child in the house.

  8. LOL - I think it's safe to say a lot of us pee with the door open.

    And port o potties freak me out to the point where I'll gladly pee with the door slightly ajar.

  9. Lizbeth, the only think I can think of to say is "oh noooooooo.........."

    I hope it goes okay. Sometimes if you really, really anticipate the worst it's never as bad right? RIGHT? HEARTS AND RAINBOWS, RIGHT? UNICORNS? UNI....corns.......

  10. **lol**. I lol-ed so hard!!! Then read the comments, saw Flannery waving at your mama and that just sent me over the edge!!! But yay, once you're done you'll have great new windows and doors!! And the memories of some Spanish speaking dude who may or may not have caught an eyeful! I have to agree its autism wonderland though, I think a lot of us can't pee with the door closed. Guess that's not such a bit issue when there are just curious dogs and kiddies, more so when it's a full grown construction worker!!

  11. Maybe you could dress up the porta potty a little bit for the workers. Some potpourri sachets, a little shaggy rose colored rug to stand on while they pee, some cute gold framed photos of kittens, a ceramic santa figurine to put them in the Christmas spirit...

  12. I feel the need to ask many questions today.

    Did the construction guy know? Did he look?! Or did he just walk by...

    Why does Grace (not to be confused with Gracie) always mention music in comments- even Mr. Rogers - so it gets stuck in my head?

    Finally - what is that faint yelling I hear in California through my "old" window? Oh, that's just Alex seeing the strange foreigner in his room stealing his windows and door! Silly me.

  13. @ Karen - I have two possible responses to your question.

    1.) Wow. I guess I DO mention music a lot. I really hadn't thought about it before, but you are RIGHT!


    2.) It's all part of my diabolical plan to take over everyone's brains and rule the bloggysphere! Finally, it's working . . . Bwahahahaha (<--Dr. Evil laugh) Bwahahahaha Bwahahahaha

    I think I'll go with #2.

  14. Porta potty for the girls. The guys just hop in the dumpster. That's why it's called....

  15. Well I guess you just HAD to extend your vacation somehow!!! And why weren't you out using the port-o-potty?

  16. @Jim--yeah the house is on the large size...

    @Grace---that's all shaking down at Thanksgiving so it may happen....

    @Karen V.--I think construction guy got a look from his exclamation. Oh well.

    And I think Grace IS secretly trying to take over the world one blog at a time...starting with mine. Good thing the stalker is free. It's a package deal. Now that you are going with #2 I feel like you have one of those little martian men in your brain like Men in Black. Quite possible the best movie ever made.

    And I am tempted to use the porta-potty but you know I'll look down and if there is some dumpage going on I'll never look at the window guys in the eye again....

  17. LMAO! Oh i love you to death lol At least you've got a GREAT sense of humor with it all lol I, as well, am a -pee with the door open- mom. Not for my kids.. for my dogs. It's only fair, I stand outside watching them do their business, i think its only fair that they stand there behind their baby gate and watch me do MY business lol JUST SAYIN'!

  18. Wow - fun times at your house! At least it's always easy to find a potty around there.

    And now that you and the construction workers know each other on a deeper level, you don't have to be worried about getting caught without your make-up on or your bra strap showing. It's NBD. :)

  19. Hahaha! But it makes for great blogging material! :)

  20. your bravery inspires me. A home remodel? Holy shit--We have issues if I so much as put Bubby's toothbrush in the wrong holder

  21. Good luck. I'm sure your remodel is going much better than mine, since you apparently are still living in your house and have wisely hired (I assume) professionals to do the job. Professional remodelers use porta-potties, right? My husband tackled our home remodeling project himself and so many years later I've lost count I just got fed up and moved out. My son still lives there in splendid squalor. No porta-potty in the drive, though. I'm sure that's we where went wrong.

  22. Hey-nothing says "WELCOME" like a port a potty in the driveway!! Your neighbors...or vagrants can look at your driveway and think "now THAT is someone who is thinking of my needs!"...just be sure to stock up on extra toilet paper...wouldn't want to many people coming to your door and asking for a roll...
    Because I must be out of my mind-along with my husband..we only live in houses that need major work/remodeling done on them. I think my kids would freak if there weren't someone fixing/building/painting/repairing something in our house!..heehee...just as I was finishing up writing this comment...good old waste management came to empty our...wait for it...DUMPSTER!!!

  23. Coming late to your blog; blame that #nablopomo thing I decided to do in a moment of madness! Anyway a portloo for the girls? I never knew they made them for us.

  24. I just love it! The port a potty is just simply brilliant! Peeing with the door open is just classic!

    Just love it!


  25. Good luck! you have a great sense of humor.

  26. Thanks Asphalt! Come back again. I'm a giver. I'm good like that.


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