Friday, November 11, 2011

What do windows and Thanksgiving have in common? Well let me tell you...

We're well underway with Window Fest 2011.   Want to get caught up?  Go here and come back. 

It rained the first few days like a mother rendering me useless and screaming something to the effect of, "Now it decides to rain?!?  You have got to be kidding me.  It hasn't rained in a two Goddammed months and NOW we have thunderstorms?"  Fuck you universe."   All the while doing nothing and praying water didn't dare enter the house.  

It did.  

Then weather then decided to turn cold and now I'm freezing my ass off in my own home.  We've been relegated to wearing coats inside and Gracie's looked at me on more than one occasion like, "WTF?"

Bringing the outdoors in.

It doesn't get any better than that. 

I have all but given up trying to clean the house and I have grown accustomed to banging, ladders and man crack on a multiple of offenders and I am loving the sound of cursing from someone other than myself.  I have resorted to hiding in the office or pantry depending which is warmer.

And I was just given notice there is no way in hell the house will be finished by Thanksgiving.  I kind of sort of knew that was coming but like death, it's still a shock to have to come face to face with it no matter how much you knew it was coming.

But did I mention that every last person in my husbands family (all twenty of them and counting) will be coming in town for Thanksgiving and I kinda sorta wanted the house to be all pretty and perfect???  No, I didn't mention that??  My bad.

And I just got wind the scaffolding to work on the upper windows is coming on Monday and two of the doors and all the trim is back ordered.  

That pretty much guarantees they won't be done by Thanksgiving.  Not by a long shot.  

Guess who's going to be a drunk lush in a dirty house full to the brim with Asians in-laws while passing round the turkey dressing?

Yeah, you guessed it.  

Well at least we'll have scaffolding to climb on for sensory breaks and an extra toilet on the drive.  Who knows, we may even work in a game of dumpster dive if we get a free minute or two.  Not that we'll have to go all that far....


  1. What kind of nut bag invites their 20 asian in-laws over for Thanksgiving when the house is tore up???

    Oh, that would be you.

    I vote for Chinese take-out for Thanksgiving!! No?? Ok, so maybe you all go out to some fancy hotel that is serving a Thanksgiving feast.

    Why is your life like the I Love Lucy show?? But wait, can I be Ethel (even though I look more like Fred)???

    I'm going to drink too, in support of this plight. So be assured that you will have a drunk friend in Texas, with no asian in-laws and a dirty house (because it never stays clean) that will be drunk and thinking about the line in your driveway to use the porta-crapper.

  2. It's not Thanksgiving without a Port-a-John

  3. I agree with Jim. Maybe you should order a case of wine and rent another Port-a-Potty!

    Oh, and maybe you should order some booze for your relatives, too.

  4. Asian-in-laws? Hahahaha! You know a little of my pain then! I never realized that! You know we Asians are known to be all so polite to your face and then... well, did you ever see the episode of Seinfeld where Elaine was getting her nails done at the Korean nail place and they were all dissing her in their native tongue? Of course, lucky for me, my other half is Swede so I, personally am not nearly as catty... and the men are not as bad as the women...

    I would get out that credit card and run away to Sanibel again... You can get someone to house sit ( yeah - I'm busy) and when you come back the windows will be all done! ;)

  5. Run, run for your life.

    The only thing worse than a full house of Asian in laws would be my Italian family.
    I am running away this thanksgiving with hubby and dog.....wanna join me? Quiet, peaceful lake house, wine, lots of red family....sure you don't want to join me?

  6. I cordially invite you and your children to my place for Thanksgiving. We will have a traditional turkey feast. And windows. Your in-laws (out-laws?), however, must fend for themselves.

  7. Sounds like you might end up having the best most entertaining Thanksgiving yet!

  8. When calculating project time lengths, take what the contractor told you and multiply by 2... no, 4. If your going to do it yourself, multiply by 8 and add infinity.

  9. oh dear. Melbourne work for ya? How did I know these windows wouldn't be finished??

  10. @Flannery---Maybe I should have sent out an ivnite then, huh? I am going to Sam's Club and Costco and calling it a day. I'm a good cook like that.

    @Jim--well then every day here is Thanksgiving!

    @NJAMB!--already have a case on order. Geez, you know me too well!

    @Karen--HAHAHA!!! You know we are going back to Sanibel right after they leave! Hubs has vacation and it we don't take it we loose it! Maybe you can house sit then?!?

    @Peg--don't act all surprised when I open the door to your lake house then! I'm so there!

    @Grace--haha!! I would pay money to come and visit you!

    @Emmy--keeps the blog going I guess!

    @Mike--I know!! I know.

    @Ness--if I could I would.

  11. That just straight up sucks. Every single part of it.

    And am I reading this correctly that you are going back to Sanibel? Oh goody! Your Sanibel posts are so bad they are funny. Bless ya hon.

  12. Thank you. You just made my Thanksgiving seem a whole lot better. We're going to my fil's. This is the first one since my husband's mother died in the Spring. His brother and his wife are coming, and their dad, and us with our 2 kids on the spectrum. Oh, and I can't drink wine since the sulfites give me migraines. I'll be having something harder in my glass like tequila at the table.

  13. Lizbeth...Imma start drinking NOW in sympathy for your plight. Dear Lord. Okay. Some grocery stores do the pre-made meals. I'd highly recommend something like that. Or the witness protection agency.

  14. Thank you. For one moment in time, you are making me feel better about the pathetic mess that is my life. Looks like for once, someone might have it worse off than me.

  15. Please...PLEASE...document every second of this impending train wreck! It will make for some great blog posts, I'm sure of it.

  16. I'm thinking that the best solution is a liquid thanksgiving. Everyone will be warm (while the booze is flowing at least) and no one will notice the mess.

    Good luck!

  17. i like that you have scaffolding to keep the kids entertained. maybe you could put a trampoline under it to really spice things up.
    good luck with all that!
    thanks for your comment on my boobie post. there are far too many funny things to say about hoots to hold back on the internet. =)

  18. You do have a video camera don't you? Now's the time to dust it down....

  19. Oh, this is really turning into a right ole saga...hang on... I'll just make myself nice and cozy. When's the next episode? an I sky+ it?? I mean, I'd HATE to miss it!!

    (Poor you!! Really don't envy you!)

    xx Jazzy

  20. Ok Lizbeth, here's what you do.... RUN, grab the kids and RUN....

    Leave a "Dear John... note..." A HUGE case of wine, some take-out flyers, mop and bucket and RUN!

    Go and check into a nice plush hotel with your gorgeous kids, and have a great slap up meal...



  21. It sounds like it will be eventful. At least you guys are able to remodel, and it will all be worth it in the end.

  22. Argh! Stress! I'm going to cover my ears and run around the house for a while hoping this will never ever happen to me! Keep swimming, woman!


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