Saturday, April 23, 2011

I feel like that stretchy mom in the Incredibles...

I'm old, I'll admit it.  My ovaries are starting to shrivel, I'm getting grey hair, my boobs aren't where they used to be and my knees hurt with the weather.  I feel like an old antiquated relic left behind from some bygone era. 

Here's the deal, I'm trying to make a button and do the Twitter thing.  And I've never cussed so much in my entire life.  Well, aside from when the bird sacrificed itself on my windshield, when I almost forgot Alex in the car, when I dropped the shelf on my foot.  Shit, I have cussed this much before.

But that's not the point.

I can't figure it out.

And I'm all pissy, pissed off.

Sure, I could ask Alex, but that would defeat the point of my trying to do it on my own.  See, I want everything to be all matchy-matchy (yes my pillows coordinate with my armchairs and draperies) and perfect before I put it out there and it's not working. 

The picture size is too big and the image won't upload.  I can't find the right background and my sea star isn't the way I like it.   And now have to add that bird thing to my sidebar.  And I have no fucking idea what even goes on at Twitter.  It scares me.

What happens if I do go on Twitter and I only have like 9 friends and I'm following 15,904 people???  I'll feel like a total loser, thank you Brian for the heads up, not the loser part!  I mean, I'll be more of a loser than I already am.  I can't handle that right now.

I'm over committed.

I still have three very young kids to raise, a house to clean and three different meals to make, three times a day, every day.  All the therapies to run to, Speech homework and regular homework for the oldest two.  And now I'm meeting with insurance adjustors, roofers, gutter, deck and painter people.  I totally forgot Easter was this Sunday and now I have to get lamb cakes made, go to the cesspool WalMart to get candy, and do all the baskets and plastic egg stuff.

See, these things are a pain in the ass to make.

So here's what I propose to do:
  1. Do blog posting on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.  Anything else is a special gift from me to you. 
  2. Run around and visit all my bloggy friends when I can because seriously, I love you guys.
  3. Do the Twitter thing, but you have to help me and not make fun of me.  Promise???
  4. Try and make a Godammed Button.
  5. Stop cussing. 
  6. Erase number five.  Well, at least until one through four are completed. 

I hope everyone has a decent Easter.  One with no meltdowns.  One with rainbows and kittens and cotton candy.  With lots of ham, deviled eggs and lamb cake.  And a different meal for the kid who won't touch the ham.  A different one for the kid who doesn't want their food groups touching each other.  And one for the kid who only wants to eat Oscar Meyer turkey hot dogs, 98% fat free, and only cooked on the stove boiled in hot water for exactly 7 minutes with the red stuff on the side, never on the bun.

 And three different lamb cakes.  Can't forget the blessed little lambs.  I need a chocolate lamb, a white lamb and Goddammed tradition states the white lamb has to have coconut and Heaven forbid we have a chocolate coconut lamb or white coconut lamb because the kids don't like coconut.  Tradition states the fucking lamb has to have a coat so I have to make a white coconut lamb, so yay me, I get to make another frigging lamb.  By Sunday morning I'll have a whole flock of little lambs just staring at me as I go around the kitchen, waiting for the kids to chop off their pretty little heads and eat their asses.

Wait, that's my Easter!  Have a good one everybody!!!


  1. You know, if you feel uncool not understanding Twitter, never fear. I don't have the first fucking idea about how Twitter works, and I am so very, very cool. My teenager even says so, and no, she is not just humoring me. I've already agreed to pay for her college education, so there's no reason for her to humor me over anything.

    And the little lambs rock. But of course, I'm Jewish and don't have to actually make stuff like that. I just go out and buy chocolate covered matzoh. :-)

  2. I'm pretty sure you will have 15,904 friends on Twitter. I feel a bit like your agent so I will promote you there if you promise not to change your name again!!

    Do you really make those lambs?! That's a lot of work & talent!!! If I tried that, I'd just have a big pile of mixed crumbs, frosting and coconut! Happy Easter, Lizbeth.. and hold your breath in the cesspool!

  3. Don't worry...Twitter is hardcore about not letting you follow too many people if not enough follow you...HA!

    And, I totally paid someone to make my button ; )

  4. tee hee I laughed so much - am so impressed with the lamb cake though, coconut or not!!
    Now, HELP! Pretty please... how do I get the Twitter link onto my blog??!

  5. @Rachel---LOL! I have a FB account and thought that was enough...boy was I wrong!

    @Karen V.--I made it back from the funk that is WalMart, made the lambs, and feel like I need a whole body scrub after all that....

    I promise not to change my name--now get busy lady! Ddo you take a cut or anything, just curious. teehee!

    @Jen--HAAHAH!!! I love your button!

    @Steph--ok, you go to your name on twitter on the far right, go to settings, then help, then linking to blog or website, then how to link from your website to your twitter account. See if that works. You may have to play with it a bit. Find me on Twitter so we can follow each other, or wait, am I following you already?? I don't know...See, the Twit confuses me...LOL

  6. Oh, just so you know, "looser" is more of a term comparing shirts...this shirt is looser than that one.

    You were looking for "loser."

    Go ahead, now you can't swear! Heeeeeeee!

  7. @Brian--Frick, frick, frick, fucking auto-correct!!!! (and a total lack of coffee this AM) You know I'm going to have to change that--I'm too type A!!! AGGGGGGHHH!!!

  8. Look, I'M following your tweets, what more do you want?
    A lamb shaped Easter cake? Mine is round and now I feel so inadequate...

  9. First of all....The stretchy Mom in the Incredibles is called "elasticgirl". I know this because my aspie once had a special interest in super heroes ( so freakin' glad he's finally over THAT one !)
    And I'm secretly thrilled that you aree overwhelmed at the moment (in a totally I-love-you-but-I'm-so-darn-jealous-of-you kinda way!)
    I would stumble onto other bloggers posts weeks after they were written and every time,there was your name with a witty comment way above mine.
    I wondered how the hell you got around so many blogs and I felt so inadequate lmao!

    Awesome job on the lamb cakes!

    And as for twitter......I DON'T GET IT AT ALL!!
    even though several people have tried to explain to me !!

  10. @bbsmum---but your cake is dairy free, mine's sooo not! Haha! I want the world!! (Says with evil laugh)

    @Fi---that's it, that's her name!!! You crack me up, love ya lady!!!

  11. Oh, wow, it's like you're living MY life, what with the food issues. I have to make 4 different meals. Three for my kids who are all super picky, but won't eat the same foods. And then the meal for me and my husband because I refuse to eat the crap I feed my kids.

  12. OMG, too funny! I'm not nearly as talented as you are. No lamb cakes at the hatesocks house.

    I have been considering making a button, but so far haven't been willing to submit myself to the torture. Let me know how that goes :)

  13. So listen, I need the lamb cakes recipe or instructions cause they're too cute. Also, I nearly had a stroke trying to make a stupid button. And my picture is all kind of blurry but I just don't care anymore. I'm calling it retro, so there. And's another colossal time suck. Why do we do this to ourselves???

  14. @Patty O.--I do the same thing, I can't eat chicken nuggets any longer....

    @hatesocks--I'm still fighting with the button---it's winning.

    @Flannery--You have to have this lamb cake mold. I have one my grandma brought over from Germany--cast iron and super heavy. The rest is pretty easy. You can find them at Antique stores and the last time I checked they sell for over $100. I know, super expensive!!!

    As for the rest, I just don't know....


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